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is it really possible a relationship has made me feel this way?

(5 Posts)
glasshouses88 Wed 19-Aug-15 11:10:00

Hi everyone. I.posted a few times recently so I'm sorry in advance for droning on a bit.

Me and oh spilt up about 3 weeks ago now. I have 2 dc, ds1 from previous relationship, ds2 from this relationship. We are all still living in the same house whilst I scramble around finding somewhere suitable for me and dc. Ds1 started school today which I am slightly crushed about as we are moving and I'm worried for him. I go back to uni in a couple weeks as well.

I don't know if I'm very well, I feel either sad, angry or numb all the time, like my brain is full of scribbles, I jump from 1 thought to the next. It takes a lot of effort for me to talk and interact. Oh tells me this is my fault..."I need to start living, my life is just full of play so stop sucking the life out of it, your such a good mum you ruin it a bit, it's your fault, your so miserable, why can't you just be happy?"
Oh had a panic attack Saturday morning and told me it's my fault he feels so anxious.
I get out and about everyday with dc doing everything and anything for them. But I don't look forward to anything, and everything seems a lot more of an effort for me. I sometimes even feel a bit resentful towards ds2 (please don't burn me for that, I adore him and can't believe what an amazingly happy baby he is) which is horrifying. I feel resentful a lot actually, towards oh and my mum. I'm also full of paranoia and jealousy.
What I mean is I feel as though I'm falling apart. anyone with words of encouragement or advice on how a relationship can do such a thing would be so appreciated.

schlong Wed 19-Aug-15 11:51:28

No wonder you feel like that with everything you're going through. Why do you expect to feel ok? Just try and get through this roughest of rough patches and focus on your dc. Resentment is only natural but don't let it eat you up. What's your mum done? That jumped out at me. Stay strong.flowers

LookAtMeGo Wed 19-Aug-15 12:27:27

You sound like you could be depressed. The thing about being unable to string thoughts together and the panic attack and lack of enjoyment. Have you seen your GP?

hellsbellsmelons Wed 19-Aug-15 14:38:59

I agree it sounds like the onset of depression.
Don't think you can cope with this on your own. You cannot!
Your brain is out of kilter and it needs putting right and only your GP can help you with that.
Stop listening to your twat of an Ex.
Block him out where ever you can.
Why are you moving out?
Is it his house?
Just wondering why 3 of your are being moved out when it would be could be better for just him (1 person) to be disrupted??
But please get an appointment with your GP asap!

glasshouses88 Wed 19-Aug-15 17:53:25

Sorry for lack or response I've been out of signal this afternoon.
I think I have probably got the onset of depression, I just don't know who I am anymore. I'm doing things that I'd never normally do, such as not being as polite as normal.
I still have feelings for my ex and that is why I'm so jealous because I think he's already in talks with somebody who is so much better than me, or I don't know maybe I've lost the plot, that's what I'm being told.
I don't know how to dress anymore or see the point in doing hair or make up because I still don't look good and I just want to sink into the background.
I'm so full of anger and sadness I almost feel like just driving away because I'm starting to think I'd be doing people a favour, genuinely, not just a thing a say lightly for a pity party, I genuinely think it'd be better for people if I wasn't here.
hells I'm moving out because I want to be close to family and the house were in now feels full of sadness.
I've really let my family down by letting things get this way and I'm so bloody angry at myself

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