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Dodgy website subscription

(23 Posts)
flamingogirl Mon 17-Aug-15 16:03:32

So I have a husband with previous from 8 years ago. After lots of talking and hard work I thought we'd pulled through. 5 years ago I found he had been looking at local escorts sites, again I forgave and believed him when he said nothing had ever happened. Today I have discovered emails to his account from a website called no strings, he is denying all knowledge saying it must have been an old subscription from years ago only problem is the messages to him are all in the bin part of his emails and are all this week. Has anyone heard of this site?? To be fair I think if it wasn't for upheaval of the kids I'd be gone.

AnyFucker Mon 17-Aug-15 16:13:22

so this is 3rd time then ?

he's not going to change is he ?

AuntyMag10 Mon 17-Aug-15 16:15:18

Don't be a fool op. He won't change. Third time and you're still there?

flamingogirl Mon 17-Aug-15 16:20:47

The thing is its like notifications when someone "likes"his profile and he hasnt opened any apart from two. He said he thought it was from an old account so just kept binning them. I have asked why he didnt unsubscribe he says he cant remember having the account. There is no picture on his profile. I don't know what to believe.

AnyFucker Mon 17-Aug-15 16:23:53

of course you know what to believe, you just don't want to have to face it [sad

Jan45 Mon 17-Aug-15 16:37:06

It's always the same pattern, I'm afraid he has never stopped OP, I don't think he even cares about getting caught anymore, it's time after time, and each time you accept it in the end.

Sorry but other than tell him to get lost, I don't really have any other advice.

If the messages were this week then they were THIS week.

You know exactly what's going on, you've been there twice before.

Jan45 Mon 17-Aug-15 16:37:59

You could have lots of talking and hard work initially when you move on from this arsehole but just imagine, no more snooping or worrying about what he's getting up to, just you and the kids to think about, bliss.

Jan45 Mon 17-Aug-15 16:45:01

Have you tried restoring the contents of the recycle bin, you might get them back?

WallyBantersJunkBox Mon 17-Aug-15 16:57:16

Op, 8 times I forgave my STBXH for registering on Adultfriendfinder, and other websites...

First it was just to look at the normal looking women (because it's hard to find amateur porn on the Internet, Right? hmm)

Second time it was because he felt lonely after my DS was born and I was busy, too busy for affection (busy working 5 months after DS was born to bankroll him, commuting two hours a day, taking my DD to nursery and being the sole parent in the evenings while he worked away and came home to do fuck all at the weekend...)

Third time there was a full profile up with his FB picture grinning away and a nice write up about how he wouldn't leave for the sake of his son (what a hero) but I was frigid, so what could he do...incidentally we were still having sex.

Same for the next three times...if I had sex with him (more) he wouldn't have to go on there and fantasise about sex with real women. No pressure there then! Incidentally fantasise - but sign up to be a gold member at a cost of £50 a month by the way....

Last few times it was an old account but remarkably rewritten in German and with our new location in another country. But I guess it was something to do while I was working 60 hours a week to keep him at home supposedly the SAHP for our son.

He didn't act on it apparently, until I found a letter he'd prepared in Word on his laptop during a surprise holiday I paid for, for us.

But I was being unreasonable op, because he didn't SEND the letter you see...

I'm not proud of it but I punched him in the face that night.

8 years of fucking misery seeping into all aspects of my life, not just my relationship...self doubts, depression, anger, frustration, confidence disappearing, worry, angst.

I became a worse person, mother, friend. Hidden in a shell of embarrassment and self doubt and self loathing.

And I can't blame him in the was all my fault. I stayed. Forgave but could never forget. Gritted my teeth and slept with him at risk to myself. Risked my DC'd safety by staying with a man who could have been roping any lunatic into our lives on a dodgy website and fucking them in my home.

Giving personal information and putting us at risk.

Are you going to be the fucking mug that I was for much longer op? Please don't.

No matter how bad life is, I can trust myself and have some inner peace that it's all over now.

Please don't do this to yourself, leave before you get totally damaged.

BoredAdminGirl Mon 17-Aug-15 17:00:52

Because he had previously signed up or visited these sites, there is a very strong possibility that he is still receiving emails/spam from the same sites or others.

I have nothing to say about the previous stuff. Just advising

AnyFucker Mon 17-Aug-15 17:06:34

Bloody hell, Wally.

TRexingInAsda Mon 17-Aug-15 17:10:42

I'm not proud of it but I punched him in the face that night.

Well deserved. There's only so much 'my cheating is your fault because...' that someone can take.

WallyBantersJunkBox Mon 17-Aug-15 17:15:25

Oh AF you have every right to flame me sweetheart. winkgrin

But as long as someone else can learn from the toxic twisted fuck up of a marriage that I had then I'm happy to share now.

And since ending the marriage and accidentally running into the sweetest, kindest most trustworthy guy on the way out of that mess (who makes my husband look like Bernard Manning and is 8 years younger than himgringringrin ) then I can say now, I'm doing well, much better than well. I'm safe to to be me.

I don't seem to be frigid either...wink

AnyFucker Mon 17-Aug-15 17:22:05

Good Lord, Wally, why would I flame you ?

You were quite restrained to stop at one punch, tbh.

WallyBantersJunkBox Mon 17-Aug-15 18:19:24

Ha ha I'm ribbing you AF. I've been on here 10 years, read all the advice, the LTB everything. Just never applied it to my real life. Even gave it out to others. A real case of "Do as I say...."

I could probably have done with a good flaming if I'd posted on here each time it happened, but I was too proud/ashamed/scared etc

glasshouses88 Mon 17-Aug-15 18:26:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

glasshouses88 Mon 17-Aug-15 18:28:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mindyourown15 Mon 17-Aug-15 18:29:08

so glad you got rid of him Wally - and well done for such a great new life. (& I would have punched him too if I were you).

cozietoesie Mon 17-Aug-15 18:37:05

...and he hasnt opened any apart from two...

So he opened two of them? Two ?

cozietoesie Mon 17-Aug-15 18:38:54

Oh - and you were very restrained to stop at one punch, Wally.

Smilingforth Tue 18-Aug-15 07:12:48

Well done wally; stay strong as your mind may waver over the next few weeks

WallyBantersJunkBox Tue 18-Aug-15 09:47:43

No I'm fine Smiling it's been a year now for me. smile

Did you mean the op?

Smilingforth Tue 18-Aug-15 16:05:11

Good to hear I didn't realise it had been 12 months!

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