Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Warning!!! Alot self pitying & first world problem but its not fair

(11 Posts)
Errrmm Mon 17-Aug-15 12:04:55

Me and exp have been split up a few week now he has left my home ( which we should have been making into the family home) he has been and got himself the keys to an empty property he owns with an ex, he is turning it into a fuckin palace he is chucking money at the house and garden left right and centre. Things are getting done overnight, but while he was living here nothing got done ever there was always something else!!! Now hes got ds all excited about picking colours and bedroom furniture promising him whatever he wants. I cant do the same.

I have put my heart and soul into the last 5yrs of our relationship only for ex to physically mentally and verbally abuse me. Now hes left he said its all in my head i drove him to act like he did because i am mad and paranoid!!!

How can he swan about with a care in the fucking world??

O wait sorry he has got stuff to worry about paint charts and flooring!!!

Its not fair im picking up the pieces here.

Toohotcats Mon 17-Aug-15 12:23:11

What do you mean by first world problem..? :-/

gamerchick Mon 17-Aug-15 12:28:13

You're right OP it's not fair.

However it looks to me you've had a lucky escape. Things happen and come and go... You don't need much money to do up a house, all you need is a keen eye for a bargain and a long term plan to do things in bits.

So you can end up eventually with the house minus the tosspot you've got rid of.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 17-Aug-15 12:34:37

It's hardly self pitying.
You have every right to feel like you do.
Get angry and then think about what he put you through. What he is still putting you through. Take control and be grateful you got rid of the sad abusive fucker.
It's a hard time. It's early days. You will go through all sorts of emotions.
But.... do NOT let him get to you. Ignore all his crap and only contact regarding access to DC.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Mon 17-Aug-15 12:40:03

I agree, hardly self-pitying or unreasonable, the bloke's an utter cock.

Just be glad you're shot of him, at least partly. Get your DS to pick the most expensive paints and stuff for his new room - make the bastard pay that way at least!

And just content yourself with doing your own place up with love, over time, rather than splashing the cash like some twat whose just won big on the horses or something (I now have a picture of Boycey, from Only Fools and Horses, in my head grin)

You Will Be Fine. smile

paulapompom Mon 17-Aug-15 12:42:53

He sounds like a twat who feels sorry for HIMSELF, trying to blame you for stuff. Don't buy into it. It's not fair.

Keep going. Good advice from pps^

For you flowers

MoriartyIsMyAngel Mon 17-Aug-15 12:49:07

I imagine that part of his motivation is in winding you up. Forget what he's doing. You have a home, and I expect it feels much nicer without him in it. You may not be able to do it up now, but you can make plans, do some window shopping and when you know exactly what you want, keep an eye out for offers. It will end up just how you want it.

And this - "Now hes left he said its all in my head i drove him to act like he did because i am mad and paranoid!" is a classic example of gaslighting. He's out of your life now, so try not to give him chances to get to you.

Finola1step Mon 17-Aug-15 12:52:23

Well, that doesn't sound like a first world problem to me. Sounds like you are well rid of this nasty piece of work.

Gather your rl support around you. Look after yourself, especially in the next few weeks. flowers

I don't want to worry you needlessly but, how is he paying for all this? Could it be on a credit card registered to your address? Keep an eye out for any bills in his name which get delivered to your address "by mistake".

Joysmum Mon 17-Aug-15 13:00:25

I think it would help you to remember the difference between having a nice house and a loving home.

I'd rather be in a home filled with love than house filled with nice things and devoid of love.

Errrmm Mon 17-Aug-15 13:32:05

Hes got money hes always had money. Ive got nothing and i have just recently been sacked from work, so im on benefits.

I am glad hes gone, but im sick of getting the shit end of the stick in life.

mojo17 Mon 17-Aug-15 14:40:58

Is your ds his ds, do you get Maintenance if not why not and have you seen a family law solicitor for any other maintenance payments or entitlemens you may have against him?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now