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Seperating as a SAHM?

7 replies

Viennaforlife · 17/08/2015 09:42

I'm thinking about seperating from my husband and don't have a clue what the process would look like, can anyone help? We have been married three years and have a dd 18m. Our house is in his name and we have a joint account. I gave up work when dd was born and I'm hoping to start university again in a few weeks. I have no income and no money of my own. My husband doesn't want to split up and would definitely want shared custody of dd. So if I ask to separate do I need to move out of or home? And what happens to our finances? He earns all the money. And would I still be the primary parent and receive benefits if we have joint custody?
Also is there anything else I'm not thinking about?

OP posts:

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Viennaforlife · 17/08/2015 10:32

Can someone please help?

OP posts:

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ARV1981 · 17/08/2015 10:49

I don't know about this... but bumping! Hopefully someone with more knowledge can help you

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Theas18 · 17/08/2015 10:56

don't know either but dont move out. Not sure why the house is in his name only? I do hope all you money isn't in the joint account, though it sounds like it might be :(

Please start stashing something in your own name, even if it's only the child benefit or something ( yes I know thats " the childs money" etc but I suspect , having read MN too much he's got you financially trapped and that is, I'm afraid probably deliberate)

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millymollymoomoo · 17/08/2015 10:56

Don't move out. Doesn't matter that the house is in his name only, its a marital asset for which you will be entitled to some of it as part of any settlement.

No one on here will be able to tell you what will happen to your finances - all very unique to each set of circumstances. With a young DC you most likely will be entitled to some level of financial support to enable you to look to go back to work etc but this is likely to be time bound and limited to a certain number of years. You will receive child maintenance from him.

Think about the residency carefully in terms of what is best for your child - when you say shared custody do you mean 50:50 in terms of time split with each parent? You can have shared custody (not called that anymore) but one parent can still have main residency (or whatever it is now!) Is it practical to have 50:50, can he do drop offs, pick ups, will he need childcare, will you? I know people on here will come on saying the contrary but in my view children need a home and not feeling they are constantly living out of a suitcase in between 2 houses. (yes I know it can work) She is still very young - what would you see as working for her ?

Go see a solicitor who will be able to advise you

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DiscoDiva70 · 17/08/2015 11:01

It's hard to advise as every situation is different and some depends on how your H will act if you do decide to seperate.
If he doesn't want to split maybe he'll refuse to leave the house and I'm not sure where you stand with this legally.

The best thing to do would be to get a free half hour advice from a solicitor dealing in family law.

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pocketsaviour · 17/08/2015 11:12

Ring round your local solicitors firms and book a few free half hour appointments. Go to several, as they may have different outlooks.

You will probably be advised not to leave the marital home as this weakens your chance to retain it.

Speak to CAB to find out what benefits you can get. Bear in mind you may need to return to work to service the mortgage if you are awarded the house in the settlement.