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advice on potential new relationship needed!

(4 Posts)
horseygeorgie Sun 16-Aug-15 22:08:24

I've met a man after being single for a decade. I've a 4 year old DD, who was conceived after a 'fling' with a friend. He is not on the scene and I haven't actually had a relationship since my divorce 10 years ago. I'm 31.

The man i have met is wonderful; he is kind, generous and thoughtful. He sends me books i will like through the post and gives me rose plants. I met him OLD about 18 months ago but we have only met up in the last few weeks. Originally he said he didn't want to date anyone with children but we kept chatting as friends. I honestly believe he really is one of the good guys!

we have met 3 times (lunch, then dinner then theatre) and he has made it clear he would like things to progress. The thing is, I'm not particularly sure how i feel about it. I don't find him particularly attractive but i really like him. It came to me the other day that I'm not sure if the attraction thing is due to me actually being very apprehensive about having an intimate relationship with anyone again. I'm about 4 stone overweight and it has been such a long time.

I don't know how to continue. Do I carry on and hope that mutual respect and friendship will grow with regards to the attraction or is it a none starter!? I've only ever gone for men i have been madly attracted too (not that it ends well!) so is it possible for it to slowly develop? How do i get past the fear part of this!!?

Sorry for the long post!

pocketsaviour Sun 16-Aug-15 22:11:45

Originally he said he didn't want to date anyone with children

For this reason alone, assuming you want a long term relationship to eventually move in together and marry, I would not see this as having legs.

Have a fling, sure, and maybe you need to bang him once or twice to work out if you're just nervous or if you genuinely don't fancy him, in which case you can say "hey we're better as friends"...

SelfLoathing Sun 16-Aug-15 22:43:24

I met him OLD about 18 months ago but we have only met up in the last few weeks.

This is a bit of red flag to me to be honest. Why did it take so long to meet up?!?

18 months is a hell of a time.

trackrBird Sun 16-Aug-15 22:53:22

he has made it clear he would like things to progress.

That's nice, but it's not mutual at the moment. So why not make it clear you're not ready to progress yet but would like to see how it goes, and just enjoy what you have for now.

He might see things differently, but that's a chance you have to take.

Of course something stronger might grow ... or it might not

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