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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Relationships

help with Nokia asha 300 partners guarding it for life

30 replies

Mini05 · 16/08/2015 21:14

So told to post here as well

Ok so partner is guarding his mobile with his life!!!
I need to see what's in the messages, but it's got a lock on it!!!

I found on web that if you put *#2640# in it will tell you the lock number????

If you have one please could you try this out for me and let me know if it works and doesn't do anything to the mobile ??

Can not let him know I've been on it

Yes it dishonest, but I'm not letting a cheating partner get one over on me

OP posts:

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loveyoutothemoon · 16/08/2015 21:30

Are you sure he's really guarding it with his life? Why would he if he's got a lock on it? Do you think you're imagining him doing this just because he's got a lock on it? Lots of people have locks on their phone, I do.

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category1 · 16/08/2015 21:34

If you don't trust him, why not just give him the boot and save the angst?

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Wolfiefan · 16/08/2015 21:36

Why do you need to see messages? Why are you so convinced it is cheating?

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sapphirestars · 16/08/2015 21:37

How is he behaving with the phone? X

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Mini05 · 16/08/2015 22:22

Lovey
No I'm not imaging it!!! If it's left on side whilst he goes upstairs he takes it with him??? Or it's in his pocket and its on silent
I have a lick on my phone but I don't take it with me

Category
Because I don't want to give I'm the satisfaction of him thinking he's got one over on me!

Wolf
Because a few times he's gone in kitchen and been quite and I've walked in on purpose and he's put his phone away quick

OP posts:

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Superexcited · 16/08/2015 22:32

I didn't even realise you could put a pin lick on the Nokia asha. I used to have one and it was just two buttons pressed together to unlock it.
Tbh though, if I felt my partner was cheating and was behaving very suspiciously with his phone I would just confront him outright. If he has nothing to hide then he should have no problem handing over the phone (although he would have a right to be pissed off at you for being suspicious without good reason).

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GaryBaldy · 16/08/2015 22:36

I understand what everyone is saying but I totally get that the OP needs to see for herself - I can understand that - sometimes it is easy to be made to feel like it is all in your imagination / that you are over-reacting etc

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Superexcited · 16/08/2015 22:40

Yes, I agree that she needs to see for herself but I still think the best way of doing that is to confront her partner snd ask to see the phone.
Creeping around and trying to secretly access his phone is not the best way to go about it and if it does turn out that there is no incriminating evidence on the phone and she has accessed it deceitfully but he has found out then the trust is gone out of the relationship anyway.

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loveyoutothemoon · 16/08/2015 23:11

Well it sounds like he's got something on there he shouldn't. I agree with the others, you need to confront him. If he's got a lock on it you won't be able to check.

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Mini05 · 16/08/2015 23:12

It's gut instinct,
I have asked him why he keeps it on silent, he says doesn't want it going off!
Asked him to let me see it and got I don't ask to look at your phone( but then I'm not carrying it around with me) he's always got an answer

The only way off me seeing it is by me taking it, absolutely no way would he let me look
I've asked

Tbh it's not me creeping around its him.

OP posts:

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loveyoutothemoon · 16/08/2015 23:13

But then again he'll probably delete stuff? Apart from the phone thing is there anything else making you suspicious?

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Naoko · 16/08/2015 23:15

I carry my phone around with me like that. I'm not cheating on anyone, I just have an unhealthy attachment to my technology.

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TheHumourlessHarpy · 16/08/2015 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mini05 · 16/08/2015 23:17

Yer going out on his own a lot for 2/3 hours a time, when I ask he says
What's with all the questions, or he will say shops or a walk
Can't wait to get back from shops with me

OP posts:

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SurlyCue · 16/08/2015 23:19

Right OP lets say you cant unlock it and see what is on it. Lets say it just isnt possible.

What then? Do you just forget he's cheating and stay with him?

My advice, fuck this torturing yourself and stalling the inevitable. You dont trust him. End it.

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loveyoutothemoon · 16/08/2015 23:20

See what he says when you go with him!

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Mini05 · 16/08/2015 23:22

I've tried adult conversation! His answer
I'm not argueing!!! Don't ruin my day by starting an argument
I say I'm not arguing we need to talk, to which I get I'm not arguing

So what do I do when my gut tells me, I ask and get no proper answers just
I'm not going to get into an argument again

OP posts:

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Wolfiefan · 16/08/2015 23:25

My DH puts his phone away when I walk in. Because it's rude to faff on your phone and ignore the person.
You do sound like you are arguing though and I can understand him going out if it's not good at home.
I would rather be alone than with a partner I couldn't trust.

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Aoifebell · 16/08/2015 23:25

If you ask to see it he will delete stuff. You need to look first without setting alarm bells off for him or he will make it out to be in your head! I don't have that phone but honestly I would just do it. Fuck it. You contains happy so what do you have to lose?

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SurlyCue · 16/08/2015 23:27

So what do I do when my gut tells me, I ask and get no proper answers

That is your answer.

If he answered you and said "nothing is going on, i'm being honest, trust me" would you believe him?

You wouldnt. Of course you wouldnt. You are asking questions to confirm what you already think you wouldnt accept him telling you nothing is going on. What does this tell you?

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Mini05 · 16/08/2015 23:43

Suppose I'm trying to give him benefit of doubt(if that's the right word)
I would show him. (I know we're not all the same)

I don't want to think it's in my head! So I ask!
Wanting an honest answer, and I'm not getting one

I'm so bloody confused(or stupid) I don't know where/what to do next
He won't discuss, so now we're not speaking and it's horrible atmosphere

OP posts:

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Aoifebell · 16/08/2015 23:50

You need to leave if only for a few days. Give you both some space and you time to think about if you want to be with him. If you don't trust him there's not a lot left in my opinion.

If I was him and I knew you was feeling how you are and I was innocent, I would put my feeling aside and show you my phone. He probably thinks it's "an invasion of his privacy" but he should be able to get past that to give you some reassurance and get your relationship back on track.

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Wolfiefan · 16/08/2015 23:51

Are you a jealous person?
It all sounds just like you don't trust your partner. I'd hate to live with someone who didn't trust me or who I couldn't trust.

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Mini05 · 17/08/2015 00:10

I just think if he understood what I was feeling then he would put my mind at rest and discuss with me. He does say it's an invasion of privacy but I just thought I'd show him mine no problem!

I wouldn't say I'm a jealous person, it's that I've been led to feel like this recently.

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Bogeyface · 17/08/2015 00:42

I hate people who suggest that the OP is paranoid!

Paranoia doesnt mean that something isnt happening!

Months and months I spent thinking I was going potty. I knew something was going on. Nothing on his phone, nothing on his email and I used to pop into his work (and was friends with a colleague of his) and nothing.......I was going slowly mad, really losing my mental health over it as I thought I must be ill to be "imagining" all this.

He had a secret phone.

The RELIEF I felt when I found that was immense! I knew that things had changed, I just knew that something wasnt right but I couldnt prove it. Whenever I asked him he would flat out deny it and call me delusional or paranoid to the point that I almost started on anti depressants during a pregnancy because of it, and he was happy with that because it took the pressure off him as I thought I was the problem.

Cant help you with the phone OP, but if you can access his bills you may be able to see what calls/texts he has made. The only other way is to take the sim out and hide the phone outside of the house. That way it wont ring and when you put the sim into another phone any messages/calls will come through to you not him.

Hope you get closure soon.