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Family day out with ex

(11 Posts)
Bambino1234 Sun 16-Aug-15 20:09:32

Ex left me for another woman at the beginning of the year.
He and her still together in a secretive relationship.
He's been awful at times but also not too unbearable at others.

He doesn't want to be with me and I accept that.
He does however seem to do things to make me stop in my tracks and wonder ...
Nothing major or noteworthy ... Buying me small token gifts when he drops the children off twice a month, overly nice gestures etc.

This weekend he is having the children extra, it's the first time he has had them for more than a night.. He had asked if We could all do something together on Tuesday ? I don't know what to say!
The sentimental part of me would love to have a day as a "family" the other part of me wonders why he has decided he'd like a family day together, when he would have scoffed at the idea months ago and of course were not a family anymore.

Do others do this? Thoughts?

InTheBox Sun 16-Aug-15 20:21:28

Establish your boundaries, don't go. He walked out for OW and now wants to keep you sweet by playing happy family. This will hinder your progress of moving on and might actually leave you feeling quite bereft after a 'lovely' day out with your dcs - a sort of insight into what things could have been had it worked out. Don't put yourself through that sort of emotional turmoil.

Don't dance to his tune and keep interactions factual, formal and about the dc's. By establishing a friendship he'll think that his actions were not despicable and you accept how he treated you. Don't do it. I accept that some exes manage to develop a friendship of sorts and even go on to get along better than they did when they were married but that sort of thing requires longer than a matter of months to develop.

WallyBantersJunkBox Sun 16-Aug-15 20:28:52

What Inthebox said, and I'd add that those couples with a good relationship may part amicably over irreconcilable differences, rather than walking out for someone else.

You need to protect yourself and your emotional wellbeing. Keep it polite but formal.

gildedcage Sun 16-Aug-15 20:30:31

He can't have his cake and eat it. Simple.

He wants to dip in and out of family life as and when the mood takes him. Don't facilitate him. I feel that you're looking for signs that he may regret what's happened? He may well do but that's not your problem. It will ultimately be easier for you to heal to avoid his company as much as possible.

midnightvelvetPart2 Sun 16-Aug-15 20:31:48

No! he's keeping you as a Plan B option in case ow relationship doesn't work out.

Don't accept any gifts or do family days, establish a polite but formal arrangement.

Thisismyfirsttime Sun 16-Aug-15 20:32:08

Does he perhaps feel guilty and want your dc's to spend a day with you both together for their sakes?

lunar1 Sun 16-Aug-15 20:36:49

What do you want? Would your children understand that you are not back together?

The bitch in me says do it, it would make the OW feel dreadfulwink.

FortyCoats Sun 16-Aug-15 20:38:24

I'd rather staple my eyelids to my asshole than spend a day with my ex.

I agree with everyone else.

Bambino1234 Sun 16-Aug-15 20:42:19

I didn't want to be horrible and say no, because he may just have thought it would be nice for the children however I don't think it's because of that.
I didn't want to say yes and have a lovely day and then spend a week or whatever brooding over what could of been.
It's taken me a long time to except he's not coming back, Im no longer miserable or consumed by him.

I do get caught off guard by these things and worry that if I don't make the right choice I'll end up miserable all over again.

Lunar the butch in me wanted to go just to get one up on the OW too haha

Hassled Sun 16-Aug-15 20:42:55

I think you'd be playing with fire and should politely decline. The fact there is still a sentimental part of you that wants a family day out makes me think you're a way off being over things, and until you're there this sort of outing won't do you any good. And his motives are fairly murky.

WallyBantersJunkBox Sun 16-Aug-15 20:55:46

Yes but if he tells the other woman you have gone all cold and formal and aren't interested in him it may also make her lose the thrill of the chase... winkwinkwink

Or will establish a paranoia that they can't read your every mood.

I think a lot of these women live for the ensuing drama. Close the window on your world.

Make some nice plans for yourself. but casually mention how you'd appreciate the extra day to visit a spa with a new "Friend" wink

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