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Does anyone live separately to their husband?

(17 Posts)
Sunflower6 Sun 16-Aug-15 10:01:26

There was a thread about this a couple of weeks ago. I wondered if people who do this tell me how they work the practicalities of living separately. I live separately to my husband currently but not sure how to make it work if it remains the long term option.. Just wondered how other people make it work particuarly if they have children with their husband.

Shinyshoes2 Sun 16-Aug-15 10:03:55

My sister does this . He visits most nights , sometimes stays over , provides money towards the child but not living costs . They holiday together with him and his family and do everything couples do but he just dosent live there or stay every night .... They've been doing it for 15 years

MagalyMaman Sun 16-Aug-15 10:11:20

Maia Dunphy and Jonny Vegas! If I were married to Jonny Vegas I'd want him to live in another country too,but they've just had a baby. They are still very much together.

Muddlewitch Sun 16-Aug-15 10:17:16

Do you want to live separately long term op? Have you always lived apart or has it been a recent development?

I think I would like a relationship, though not necessarily a marriage, where it was committed and monogamous but I didn't have to live with the person. I like my own space and independence, although I am a single parent. I am not sure how it would work for a couple that had children together, though I suppose it would depend on lots of factors including whether they could financially afford both homes without one person being worse off/having a worse quality of life than the other.

Joysmum Sun 16-Aug-15 10:32:05

Maia Dunphy and Jonny Vegas! If I were married to Jonny Vegas I'd want him to live in another country too,but they've just had a baby. They are still very much together

Have a listen to the Richard Herring Leicester Square podcast where he interviews Jonny Vegas as himself, not the Jonny Vegas persona wink

addictedtosugar Sun 16-Aug-15 10:35:02

Yes, ish.
DH got a new job at the start of the he summer. I've had nearly 3 months on my own with the kids. We have seen him once, but Skype regularly.
We ( me plus kids) will move as soon as visas sorted. Not sure this is what you meant tho?

Joysmum Sun 16-Aug-15 10:35:46

Matthew Kelly and his wife gave always lived separately.

HPsauciness Sun 16-Aug-15 10:36:54

I have lived not entirely separately but with long periods apart. It is reasonably common in the academic world as people often can't get two jobs in the same place if you both have academic careers.

I think it can work well if it is for practical reasons, two different jobs or whatever, but if it was for emotional reasons, say you couldn't stand living together or one of you had issues, the reasons why you live separately could be the reason why you end up splitting.

Singleandproud Sun 16-Aug-15 10:40:42

My parents did this whilst we were teenagers. My dad has mental health issues and can be difficult to live with and I think having that personal space to retreat to is probably why my parents are still together. We were still very much a family we all ate dinner together, run around to activities etc just at 8/9pm my dad would go back to his.
If my brother or I fancied spending the night there we just packed what we needed and went too.

Kangaroosjump Sun 16-Aug-15 10:44:46

Yes. We seperated suddenly a few years ago and it's now just too expensive currently to live together till we've finished paying for contracts we are tied into.

We'll be moving back in together as soon as these end though

However I think it works quite well and would tbh happily continue living this way. He comes round 2-3 times weekday evenings and puts DS to bed, sometimes stays weekends but is always around for family time at least one day of the weekend and he pays child maintenance but no living costs

I enjoy having the space and decisions over household things if I'm honest

Cabrinha Sun 16-Aug-15 10:55:20

What do you mean by practicalities?
Why are you living separately?

If the marriage is a happy one, and the reason you are maintaining two homes is because one of you is working a long distance away then the financial practicality (if you mean that?) is simple:

As a family you have £X income. That maintains two homes. You simply have less disposable income afterwards that you would have with one home.

Kangaroosjump Sun 16-Aug-15 11:01:37

We're not paying for 2 homes in our situation,

DH lives with family and pays much less than he would for rent towards housekeep

DS and I live in a much smaller property than we really need presently thus less rent

HPsauciness Sun 16-Aug-15 11:05:55

We used to use a 'Mon-Fri' let in the week.

Ruhrpott Sun 16-Aug-15 11:12:57

I do due to not working in the same country. We fly backwards and forwards every weekend. Rent a flat in one country and own a house in the other. The children have always lived with me but are old enough now to leave for the weekend (over 18) When they were smaller he always flew to us. Now I fly about once or twice a month.

MayoforSam Sun 16-Aug-15 11:22:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tweennightmare Sun 16-Aug-15 11:23:32

Yes we have lived apart for almost a year but for practical reasons DH got a job overseas just as my eldest started their a levels . He visits every 6 weeks or so for a long weekend but although we cope on a day to day basis . I don't think it has done our marriage any favours . We will do this for one more year to get through the A levels and hopefully see my eldest off to Uni and then I will join DH overseas ( if my marriage survives the next year!)

desertmum Sun 16-Aug-15 13:07:31

yes, we live in different countries due to work/education issues. We meet up every 6 weeks or so, either here or half way. We skype every day, send emails and texts during the day, make big decisions jointly and the kids speak to him most days.

We are 6 years in on this style of living and the first two were very very hard - I too wondered if my marriage would survive Tween, but we are now in a good place - have a wonderful relationship, great meet ups, laugh and talk about anything and everything. But it has been really really really hard to get to this point. Another year, touch wood, and we will be in the same country again. I will probably want to stab him after a couple of weeks grin

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