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Should I leave?

(8 Posts)
Enoughtoday Sun 16-Aug-15 00:00:43

My husband is having an ( emotional I think) affair. It has been going on for some time and I have confronted him about it but he either denies it or won't discuss it. He has told me he loves this woman but as a friend and that I have misinterpreted messages. I have even confronted her to try and get an honest answer. She agreed the contact had been too much and said she would back off. Instead she has continued contact and has taken to sending my partner compromising images of herself. I have recently found out they are in contact nearly every day. I am away with my children at the minute - he refused to come with us- I am convinced he will be meeting up with her. I have suggested he leaves but he hasn't, yet makes me feel like I am being unreasonable.

BeyonceRiRiMadonnna Sun 16-Aug-15 00:24:20

You are most certainly not being unreasonable!

Scenario 1: DH is very much in an EA, you ask him to stop, he ignores you, you confront the mistress, she ignores you too. You stayed. Nothing changes/ed!

Scenario 2: DH is very much in an EA, you ask him to stop, he ignores you, you confront the mistress, she ignores you too, and it has escalated to a point where they are openly having an affair = Do not suggest anything, kick him out and throw his clothes in bin liners.

They have both disrespected you, him more so than she has. OW doesn't owe you anything, don't contact her. Of course he's going to make it seem like you're the unreasonable one!

Smorgasboard Sun 16-Aug-15 01:02:22

The compromising images is irrefutable proof that this is not a friendship. He's taking the piss, and most likely with her while you are away. You don't have to wait for him to end your marriage. Think hard about what his disrespect is showing you while away.

moonriverandme Sun 16-Aug-15 01:59:40

I think it has progressed beyond an emotional affair. You are most certainly not being unreasonable, your husband has shown total disrespect for you, so has the ow. What are you going to do about it?

goddessofsmallthings Sun 16-Aug-15 02:34:26

He's refused to holiday with you and the dc??!!

Do you have screenshots of any of the messages they've exchanged or of the compromising images she's sent him?

Joysmum Sun 16-Aug-15 04:17:05

Even if they aren't, you're not happy and he's not bothered you're not happy. Says it all really doesn't it?

Enoughtoday Sun 16-Aug-15 05:59:14

Thanks for the replies.
I don't know what to do- I can't see it changing and I don't know how he can regain my trust. They work in the same office so will never be able to break contact anyway.
But - we've been together a long time (19 years) and dc would not cope very well. I am financially dependent, and still love him.
I do have screenshots- god knows why, or what I'm going to do with them!

paulapompom Sun 16-Aug-15 10:10:15

You sound completely reasonable and calm. I guess it might be time for an ultimatum. Tell him unless he makes a huge effort to save the relationship you will end it. I understand that he works with this woman, but there are other jobs, maybe even other roles within the organisation. He needs to decide what he wants and make that happen.

No one can blame you for loving him,but I think you have got to get the practical stuff in place. Keep the screen shots. Check account balances and numbers. Do you have rl support? So sorry flowers

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