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I think DH has been smoking in the house - furious

(35 Posts)
MakeTeaNotWar Sat 15-Aug-15 16:46:36

DH smokes outside. A couple of years ago I came back downstairs to get a drink after I'd gone to bed & caught him leaning out the lounge window, smoking. I was really annoyed - detest smoking plus we have 2 young DC. He admitted at the time that he'd been doing it frequently and I'd never noticed. I was upset he'd tricked me.

Anyway today I'm dusting and I notice a small amount of what looks like cigarette ash on the lounge window sill so I think he's at it again. He's working until late so I can't ask him but my blood is boiling that he's been "tricking" me and disrespecting my wishes.

Or am I over-reacting?

PunkrockerGirl Sat 15-Aug-15 16:56:25

YABU. You only noticed because you found some fag ash, not because the house smelt of smoke.
'Furious' and 'blood is boiling' are complete overreactions imo.

happymummyone Sat 15-Aug-15 16:58:04


AndNowItsSeven Sat 15-Aug-15 16:58:19

Yes you are over reacting , sound like your dh was leaning out of a window when home alone. I really don't see the issue.

scribblegirl Sat 15-Aug-15 16:59:38

I'm a smoker - DH isn't - and I'd go mad if I thought someone had smoked in the house. I totally accept its a disgusting habit. We don't have a garden and I go into the road, away from the house, if I'm having one at home (usually after a drink!)

I think he needs a stern word but not necessarily a fight. I would treat it like other gross thinks - skid stains in the loo not being cleared up, for example.

FredaMayor Sat 15-Aug-15 16:59:54

YANBU or over-reacting IMO, its lazy and disrespectful. Why do you think there are all those dire warnings on fag packets?

scribblegirl Sat 15-Aug-15 16:59:58

*gross things

scribblegirl Sat 15-Aug-15 17:00:39

I do think though that you need to separate the issues of smoking generally versus doing it in the house. Totally different issues.

goddessofsmallthings Sat 15-Aug-15 17:00:51

Does he have a shed or a sheltered place he can smoke in when it's peeing it down or there's frost on the ground?

Being partial to the odd rollie with a cuppa, I reckon you're over-reacting as it's not as if he waits till you've gone to bed before putting his feet up and puffing away while lounging on the sofa.

I confine my smoking to the kitchen with the extractor fan going full blast as there's no way I'm going to stand outside the back or front doors to my own home on a freezing cold night.

Disclaimer: no foodstuffs are at risk of inhaling carcinogens when I satisfy my only craving.

WorraLiberty Sat 15-Aug-15 17:01:18

Yes, over reacting.

I can't stand the smell of cigarette smoke indoors but you haven't smelled any, have you?

Plus it might not even be ash, so I'd calm down before asking.

EeyoresTail Sat 15-Aug-15 17:01:34

Lock the window and hide they key then the lazy arse will have to step outside to smoke his cancer sticks!

BackInTheRealWorld Sat 15-Aug-15 17:02:58

is it your house, if so then your rules.

pinkyredrose Sat 15-Aug-15 17:05:39

It's his house too.

GarminGirl Sat 15-Aug-15 17:05:42

Whose house is it?

NickiFury Sat 15-Aug-15 17:07:54

It's also the children's house and they deserve to live in a none fume filled house.

specialsubject Sat 15-Aug-15 17:09:23

you know he smokes.

he clearly believes in the magic curtain which stops the smell coming into the house. If you don't believe in this or object to the smell, tell him to go outside to smoke. Downwind and a fair way away. He doesn't need to be inside to smoke - he isn't water soluble.

dropping the ash and dog ends on the ground is filthy. Tell him to get a glass jar or similar and put the litter in that.

GarminGirl Sat 15-Aug-15 17:10:28

Op has never noticed a smell though!

WorraLiberty Sat 15-Aug-15 17:11:19

If the house was filled with fumes, the OP would have smelled them confused

WorraLiberty Sat 15-Aug-15 17:14:12

dropping the ash and dog ends on the ground is filthy. Tell him to get a glass jar or similar and put the litter in that.

I feel like I'm reading another thread. When did he do this?

BackInTheRealWorld Sat 15-Aug-15 17:14:44

the smoke isn't the issue really is it, seeing as you aren't even able to smell it. It's the fact the naughty naughty grown man isn't doing as he is told out of his own window late at night when the children are upstairs in bed behind closed doors out of the way.

Ragwort Sat 15-Aug-15 17:22:29

I think you sound over bearing and controlling - he is a grown man, did he smoke before you met him? Presumably you still made the choice to marry him and have children with him?

He is smoking out of a window and a tiny bit of ash might have fallen on the window sill hmm.

I'm not even a smoker but you sound totally OTT.

Joysmum Sat 15-Aug-15 17:31:50

I couldn't give s flying guck whether smoking out of the window is acceptable or not, being lied to isn't. I can't abide liars.

Joysmum Sat 15-Aug-15 17:32:42

Fuck grin

Ragwort Sat 15-Aug-15 17:36:58

The DH is probably terrified of his wife's reaction after she 'caught him' smoking out of the window before so no wonder he lies.

MakeTeaNotWar Sat 15-Aug-15 18:42:24

Oh FGS I'm neither overbearing nor controlling, I was annoyed when I thought DH had gone behind my back and done something he said he wouldn't. Surely nobody thinks smoking in a house of young DC is reasonable, even if it is out of the window?

Anyway we've talked, he said he hasn't and it must have blown in and I believe him so end of.

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