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Anyone out there ?

(58 Posts)
Humansatnav Sat 15-Aug-15 01:21:24

Long story short, dh has walked out. He has been unhappy for a long time,, he has depression and is generally frustrated by life. Out for a couple of Birthday drinks tonight and he started with the usual. Came home and hes gone. I feel number

Humansatnav Sat 15-Aug-15 01:21:55

* numb

textfan Sat 15-Aug-15 01:22:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Humansatnav Sat 15-Aug-15 01:23:45


BlankSpaceBaby7 Sat 15-Aug-15 02:09:53

Where has he gone? Is he back?

textfan Sat 15-Aug-15 02:43:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JiltedJohnsJulie Sat 15-Aug-15 02:49:14

Human no advice sorry but thought I'd offer a bit of virtual hand holding. Any ideas where he may have gone?

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf Sat 15-Aug-15 02:49:39

So sorry OP. Is it possible that he hasn't left but simply needed some space?

Humansatnav Sat 15-Aug-15 04:13:07

He has just returned. Snarled at me. He has diagnosed depression. He is sitting in the kitchen with the lights off. I know that there is no going back from this, he said awfully things about our Dd and about me, this has been building for months. I know it's over. I'm so tired of it all.

goddessofsmallthings Sat 15-Aug-15 04:28:11

Is he taking any meds to alleviate depression?

It sounds as if there's a considerable backstory. Do you want to tell it now or grab some sleep and come back later today?

Humansatnav Sat 15-Aug-15 04:39:26

Yes he is on meds. Back story is that he lives in a country ( UK ) he doesn't like, earns less than me, and feels that the world is against him. He is very materialistic, I'm not. I'm bankrolling his wanting to have a holiday home and going 4 Times a year, yet getting into debt. Its a big shitty message.

Humansatnav Sat 15-Aug-15 04:40:36

*mess Sorry, I've been awake over 24 hours.

goddessofsmallthings Sat 15-Aug-15 04:51:54

What exactly are you bankrolling? Have you bought a holiday home in his home country or are you paying for him (and you and dd -is dd his child?) to visit his country 4 times a year?

Humansatnav Sat 15-Aug-15 04:56:25

Holiday home in Spain both dc are his. Holiday home bought with his inheritance from his mum. I'm bankrolling the visits as he can only work pt. He isn't a bad person, but he is unhappy and I'm so tired of it all. Been together 24 years.

Humansatnav Sat 15-Aug-15 04:57:04

UK is his home country, he just hates it

goddessofsmallthings Sat 15-Aug-15 05:13:01

Do you go to Spain as a family? Is he fluent in Spanish? How long before he can retire there?

Humansatnav Sat 15-Aug-15 05:31:24

We go as a family occasionally, dc are older. He can retire in 2 years, but I'm 20 years younger than him.
No, not fluent in Spanish .
Holiday home was bought on the understanding that we would rent it out. Then he changed the goal posts. He does that a lot.
When he wakes I'm going to tell him we need some time apart. I can't go on walking on eggshells.

Humansatnav Sat 15-Aug-15 05:32:43

Thank you for listening godess

Humansatnav Sat 15-Aug-15 05:33:31

And other posters.

goddessofsmallthings Sat 15-Aug-15 05:54:26

You're very welcome, honey.

He only part-time, gets to go on holiday 4 times a year, and will be free to retire to Spain in 2017. And he's depresssed?

Jeez, he should be buzzing with plans for retirement in that delightful country and spending every free moment perfecting his Spanish.

Instead of treading on eggshells around him, I suggest you start breaking a few over his head as it's about time he realised how lucky he's been, and is, to have you bankrolling him.

As for saying awful things about his dd and you... disgraceful! , Any man who badmouths their dc is not worthy of being a father.

goddessofsmallthings Sat 15-Aug-15 05:55:11

Duh! He only works part-time etc..

WishIWasWonderwoman Sat 15-Aug-15 06:16:28

I hope you manage to get some sleep. What an awful situation. Depression is terrible but it doesn't excuse certain behaviours.

Are your DCs young, teenagers or adults?

Humansatnav Sat 15-Aug-15 06:17:39

He has just woken and informed me that his life is shit, because of me and dd and that I called him a liar ( I asked if he had the reference number for something I need to chase up, that's when he went ballistic) . So I told him to get another couple of hours sleep then pack a bag. He agreed ( sort of) . So that's it then.

Humansatnav Sat 15-Aug-15 06:19:06

Ds adult Dd teen. No sleep, head is whirling.

goddessofsmallthings Sat 15-Aug-15 06:37:03

This just what you don't need at the weekend.

I wouldn't place too much reliance on him packing a bag and going quietly or otherwise.

I suppose it's too much to hope that he's got a friend or relative who'll take him off your hands for a few days?

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