They're not imaginary are they? I mean, obviously all marriages have peaks and troughs, but it's perfectly possible to remain happily married to one person for the remainder of your life isn't it?
It's just, everyone around me seems to have "problems" of some sort and we just, don't. This scares me. It's too perfect (not actually perfect, nothing is). I feel like I'm too secure, I'm waiting for something to go wrong because it's not possible to be this happy.
You haven't been together all that long then if you have been married for 6 years. Long happy marriages can happen but they are usually achieved by going through the highs and lows and the problems to get there. Its being able to go through the bad times and relationship problems but still want to be together and to make it work and make it good.
Oh Yes, they do happen. In my experience, though, they're usually sustained very long term through - probably unconscious - compromise on the part of one or both partners and also in reaction to the expectations of others eg children, friends and families and society in general.
Compromise and preferably shared interests or at least acceptance of each other's interests and, critically, no contempt. It's that last that appears to be the greatest predictor of breakdowns a/c some research.
DH and I married and content after 11 years. Divorced my ex after 10, but had been contemplating it for the previous 5 (and we'd not slept together all that time).
Agree that there are plenty of times when I'm muttering at DH, under my breath and there are times when i confront him about something that's annoyed me, but the fact that I feel safe to confront him says so much.
The real warning sign with ex was the fact that I withdrew. I couldn't face the shitstorm if I even disappointed him slightly with my lack of adoration.
We've been married for 25 years & we are happy. We were best friends before we got together, and we still are now. There have been ups & downs & difficult times but we've got through them and we both expect to stay together.
Loads of highs,very few lows.Together 47 years but only married for 40.I'm only awake now as we're looking after one of the DGC's and she was a wee bit grizzley but settled down so Granny and Grandad decided to have a bit of a cuddle as we were awake.Ah in the words of Sandie Shaw ' Long long live love '
Thank you all We also have our share of trials, of course. ASD affects our eldest, but we don't really argue and we both constantly compromise and try to make the other happy as said already. This isn't an effort to keep ourselves together though, it just makes us happy to see the other happy!
I will stop being silly now. What will be will be.
Both my DPs and PILs celebrate 40 years of marriage this year so it's definitely possible.
The biggest lesson I'll take from my parents is to make sure you nurture the relationship through the trials and tribulations of children (especially teenagers!), elderly parents, and anything else life throws at you. Doesn't need to be anything flash or expensive, just quality time together.
BorisI think you need to have fallen madly in love with one another.
Not necessarily. You may be very old but not so wise! Love can sometimes grow from very unspectacular beginnings. I've said this on another thread somewhere that my mum married my dad to escape an unhappy homelife. He was very kind to her and she grew to love him over time. They had 3 children and were happily married for over 60 years - not without the occasional row of course!
Arranged marriages can be very successful. One if my colleagues' love match was a disaster but his arranged marriage is by all accounts all one could wish for. Common understanding and expectations, determination to make it work.