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Help me deal with his denials (POF Profile found)

(54 Posts)
DoingBetterNow Fri 14-Aug-15 21:10:39


Just found my boyfriends profile on POF. I hate myself for checking, my ex cheated and I told myself I wouldn't put myself through that again (dragged on for years) when you get to the stage you have to check its already too late.

But two things made me suspicious, we were on holiday the other month and he mentioned he can't of deleted his POF profile properly as he still gets emails. 2nly his phone is always on airplane mode. (apparently to save battery)

I text him saying Fuck you. He phoned. Told him I knew. hes saying he hasn't been active. He obviously has, the profile has been updated and theres a pic in there from Jan this year and the text references May 2015.

I cant stop shaking.

DoingBetterNow Fri 14-Aug-15 21:13:16

Fuck Fuck Fuck. Why didn't I buy wine at the supermarket earlier. Fuck

Sonia0002 Fri 14-Aug-15 21:16:01

What a cunt! Why do men think they are so fucking clever????

TokenGinger Fri 14-Aug-15 21:16:09

How long have you been together? You don't mention.

Either way, I'm guessing before May/Jan or else you wouldn't be mentioning the dates.

You know you're worth more than this. If a few months ago he thought he hadn't deleted it properly, he'd make an effort to do so.

InTheBox Fri 14-Aug-15 21:17:21

You poor thing, you've been through a betrayal so your emotions are bound to be all over the place. You've done the right thing - and indeed you sound incredibly head strong wrt to telling yourself you'd never put yourself through this sort of thing again.
He'll of course try to bring you round and minimise his actions but I agree, once the instinct sets in and you have to snoop the relationship is often all but over.
You've dodged a bullet there.

DoingBetterNow Fri 14-Aug-15 21:20:54

Sorry, been together 14months. Holidays together, I've met his family, etc

I've asked him to tell me the truth.... Hes replying by text as I have said not to come over.

Here is the gist:

"...logged on to try and delete, there were a few messages so he replied politely to say he wasn't looking...
...I Suppose it was flattery that I liked, nothing came of it...we have never met...

cozietoesie Fri 14-Aug-15 21:21:24

Do you live together or have any practical or financial intertwinings?

Sonia0002 Fri 14-Aug-15 21:22:57

Lol it's funny he says that isn't it? Load of shit? God, why? Why do they do it? I hope you're ok?! flowers

DoingBetterNow Fri 14-Aug-15 21:23:47

"I'm sorry you felt the need to check up on me" had that twice now

DoingBetterNow Fri 14-Aug-15 21:25:19

No, no ties other than he has a door key, locks can be change, I'm a dab hand after the ex. Thank god. I'm wary after last time lol, just as well eh?

I'm so shocked. I cant stop shaking.

Sonia0002 Fri 14-Aug-15 21:25:53

shock is he for real?!

cozietoesie Fri 14-Aug-15 21:27:17

I've been casting my mind back over the honest and straightforward people I've known and I don't think there's one of them that wouldn't - in his situation - have sought my advice or that of a friend on how to immediately delete their account - and then done so.

You know what you're going to do, I think?

cozietoesie Fri 14-Aug-15 21:28:21

Have a brew and phone the locksmith.

DoingBetterNow Fri 14-Aug-15 21:29:05

I've told him already that I'm out. I just need some support on here to get through the weekend and stay strong enough not to be taken in my excuses.

I love him. I don't want this to have happened. FUCK

DoingBetterNow Fri 14-Aug-15 21:30:35

Hes saying they stopped talking at xmas (which I would probably be able to live with) but that's not the truth is it, as hes obviously updated his profile this year (pic and text referencing May 2015)

Sonia0002 Fri 14-Aug-15 21:32:32

I think someone like that will always do this again and again you are best out of it and good for you for telling him! Delete his number and block him! It's not fair him putting you through this, stay strong there's lots of nice people on here xx

thequickbrownfox Fri 14-Aug-15 21:35:58

Horrible feeling OP flowers.

You know he's talking crap. Don't listen to his shit. You're worth a lot more than someone who can't even admit it when they've been caught red handed. It's a really really bad thing that he's still lying to you, and in all likelihood it means there's more to the whole scenario too. So sorry.

DoingBetterNow Fri 14-Aug-15 21:39:17

Thanks all.

I know hes talking crap but it just hurts. He denied everything, now hes admitting little bits to see what he can get away with.

He has plenty of opportunity, we both work long hours (well I do, god knows what hes up to) so only see each other once a week or so. TBH I probably want more than that from a relationship anyway.

Sonia0002 Fri 14-Aug-15 21:41:39

Just tell him where to go stop letting him try and explain himself he's sad and pathetic. I know it hurts, I used to feel the same now I block all of my feelings. Have you got friends, family around?

cozietoesie Fri 14-Aug-15 21:43:46

How long did it take you to finally get rid of your ex? At least you discovered this one fairly early.

TokenGinger Fri 14-Aug-15 21:46:49

"I'm sorry you felt the need to check up on me."

Fucking twatbag. How dare he try and shame you. That's the kind of phrase you use when you HAVEN'T been found out to be a shitface.

OP, you sound like a strong character! I'm so happy to see you're not falling apart and have already got rid of him. You're amazing! You know your worth x

DoingBetterNow Fri 14-Aug-15 21:48:20

Was with my Ex for 13 years, took a couple of years after breaking up to finally cut financial ties (House, finances etc).

I'm obviously getting quicker at spotting them. I was so determined not to let my ex shape my future behaviour that maybe this time I gave the benefit of the doubt to much. I was so determined never to check up on anyone again

thequickbrownfox Fri 14-Aug-15 21:49:32

Thank goodness you did though! You saw the signs - that's a good thing.

DoingBetterNow Fri 14-Aug-15 21:51:07

I am falling apart I'm just pretending not to be, fake it till you make it smile

Yup, the references to me checking really piss me off... I may have looked, but you're fucking cheating!!! I haven't replied to those. I replied to the nothing since xmas message with "good start so now explain the updates this year"

I know it will be lies, but I want an explanation

TokenGinger Fri 14-Aug-15 21:55:58

But even Christmas though. You've been together 14 months!! Christmas is only 8 months ago. The bastard.

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