Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Friend in crisis

(6 Posts)
Fattypants Fri 14-Aug-15 20:31:47

Dear friend is on her way to stay for a few nights/as long as she needs, 2 DC in tow. Her partner stayed out all night not responding to texts, transpires he was too drunk to come home. This follows a 2-3 month period of stress for friend mainly due to partners new friendship with OW. He was with OW last night. Additionally finances have been horrendous, both are self employed, friend is freelance writer trying to build up business having been focussed on raising DC, partner has only brought just over £1k into household YTD, despite predicting more to benefits agencies has not declared any adjustments and has acted like an entitled twat drinking and socialising to the detriment of the family, most family benefits paid into his account. Advised friend to take control of finances, she has contacted step change to have a plan put in place but not yet sorted benefits to be paid direct to her account. That will be number 1 on the list for me to assist with but practically can't see how she can arrange to live separately in the near future. They rent privately supported by housing benefit which obviously he is spending with his entitled lifestyle so presume rent arrears. My poor friend who is naturally slim says she is losing weight week on week, not just anxiety but with pure poverty. Oh, he's been minimising/gaslighting in recent months too...just as the cherry on top. What advice do you dear vipers have for her?

Smilingforth Sat 15-Aug-15 18:43:56

It's very hard. Someone on here will have some support to give; for me all i can offer is my best wishesflowers

pocketsaviour Sat 15-Aug-15 18:48:13

Practically speaking in terms of living arrangements it would be ideal if he would fuck off and then she can claim higher housing benefit as a sole parent.

redexpat Sat 15-Aug-15 20:42:08

Take copies of documents and keep them somewhere safe. Keep childrens passports. call womens aid and shelter for advice. There is also a benegits calculator online which may help.

Awesome friends like you are priceless. thanks

cozietoesie Sat 15-Aug-15 21:59:14

Has she arrived safely?

Fattypants Sun 16-Aug-15 14:39:45

Thanks for your replies, yes her & DC are here safe and sound. Will mention the point about increased housing benefit if she can get him out. Also womens aid a good call too. Will be helping her to get the benefits they are claiming paid into her account to gain some control of the situation. Been coaching her through some of her fears about how the conversation might go eg if he bleats that he won't be able to buy milk/put fuel in the car while she isn't around, they just keep a small cash kitty. She'll be heading back tomorrow night but hopefully with a clearer head and steely resolve. Thanks ladies!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now