Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Frightened of sex

(6 Posts)
VulvaVoom Fri 14-Aug-15 17:54:14

Didn't put this in the sex topic as it's not a swinging from the chandeliers sort of thread.

Basically as above, I feel I'm becoming frightened of sex, the thought of it makes me feel anxious and so freaked out sad

Don't exactly have a high sex drive anyway but ttc (for 2nd time) and I really feel huge pressure to do it.

DH and I are away in a hotel tomorrow and I'm already feeling really stressed an anxious about any kind of intimacy. I actually feel sick and like I could cry.

So as not to drip feed, I do feel very self conscious as I'm overweight, I also worry about smelling and not being clean.

What on earth is wrong with me? I've NEVER felt comfortable with intimacy really but now it's really bad.

Poor DH is desperate and craving love and affection, so I feel even worse sad

goddessofsmallthings Fri 14-Aug-15 19:04:29

Would you describe yourself as a tactile person, as in one who spontaneously demonstrates their affection for others with a hug/kiss/cuddle/handhold?

If you're not tactile with friends/family, do you shower your dc with physical acts of affection?

In saying you've 'never felt comfortable with intimacy' are you referring to the acts of sexual intercourse/fellatio/cunnilingus or the foreplay that usually preceeds them and the intimacy that ensues when both parties are sated, so to speak?

How much of your fear of 'intimacy' would you estimate is due to your poor self-image of your naked body and how much is due to your worry that having sex will cause you to 'smell unclean' afterwards?

Do you want a 2nd dc and, if so, do you want to ttc at this point in time or would you prefer to wait a while?

Do you fear that having another dc will make your naked body even less attractive than you currently suppose it to be, or that the weight gain of a 2nd pg will prove impossible to shift after the birth?

Have you discussed the feelings you've expressed in your OP with your dh?

VulvaVoom Fri 14-Aug-15 20:18:13

Hi goddess, thanks for your reply.

As regards to being tactile, I'm not really and don't like hugs, overt affection etc unless I offer it.

The intimacy issue seems to stem from a shyness and embarrassment about being sexy or sexual. It seems laughable and stupid as I'm so fat angry

I guess I also do worry about pregnancy making it worse, though I haven't prepared by dieting or anything. I just can't seem to get a grip on it.

The thought of DH touching me is horrific, because I just feel so wrong and grossed out.

Once it's done, I feel relieved.

BolshierAyraStark Fri 14-Aug-15 20:25:05

Fat does not mean not sexy, anyone can be sexy-please keep this in mind.
The level of anxiety you're describing isn't usual, perhaps a conversation with your GP could help-they may be able to recommend a therapist.
In the meantime please tell your DH how you are feeling.

Glassofwineneeded Fri 14-Aug-15 21:32:55

Talk to your DH. Tell him how you feel - only he can reassure you that he loves you and wants to have sex with you. Have a nice evening together at the hotel, maybe have a relaxing bath or shower - together if you feel you can do that.
Opening up to him about how you feel is the first step to overcoming this. GP next.
I really do wish you lots of luck. Sex can be so amazing if you allow it to be and can overcome all of your worries.

Smilingforth Fri 14-Aug-15 22:05:52

I agree you need to speak to your GP. This will have major ramifications on your life if you don't address it

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now