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Ambivalent Partner - is it ever worth staying? Or only ever second best?!

(4 Posts)
K888 Fri 14-Aug-15 15:33:45

I really fell in love with my partner 6 years ago and thought he was the one.

I was wary as he had 4 teenage kids - officially separated from a wife who lived around the corner and still treated him like a husband. I had a son, but to me that was a lot of 'baggage'! (I know it's not the best word).

But he fell in love with me, was the kindest man I'd ever met, persuaded me that he would stand up to Ex. So I went for it, moved in, had a kid with him, and he just...

... had terrible cold feet! Backed off, still very kind and caring but stopped taking me out. He said he felt 'used up' by his first marriage and didn't want to do it all again.

It was a rollercoaster for a while, me with the baby too, but then he started to come around.

But it still feels like I am the one who puts all the work in, he doesn't want to take me out, it just feels pretty so so. Especially when I think of how much he did for his first wife - married her, went on holidays, sent gifts. I feel in contrast he does far less for me now.

Should I stick around hoping for more one day or cut my losses and find someone who more clearly wants to commit and be with me?

EdithSimcox Fri 14-Aug-15 16:54:00

Sounds like you know already.

Threefishys Fri 14-Aug-15 18:59:11

He told you he felt used up by his first marriage. That's your answer. In fairness to him he was completely transparent by the sounds of it.

ohlamour Fri 14-Aug-15 19:00:49

I finished a relationship with a guy who i got together with not long after he left his marriage. I loved him so much & it was all amazing... For the first year. During that time he would always tell me how awful his ex was, but after a year things didn't improve. On fact he got worse & worse, banging on & on about what she did to him, how much he hated her, how shit his life was etc. Up to the point where i left because i felt like second best (to an utter bitch!), which was NOT GOOD for my self esteem. So if you are feeling second best, then i would say ask yourself if you want to feel like that forever... I definitely didn't!

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