Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Should I stop him seeing our Daughter??

(22 Posts)
Sogo1 Fri 14-Aug-15 12:35:53

Hi everyone,
This is likely to be a wordy message so I apologise in advance. I'm after some advise from neutral people on the situation I find myself on with my ex partner. He left me last November when our daughter was 7 months old and a week later started seeing our neighbour 3 doors away ( apparently he wasn't cheating!!) and they now live together, 3 doors away.
they have a very volatile relationship. In February this year she attacked him in his car while our daughter was in there, she also attacked him a few weeks ago when he came round to mine to take our daughter out. Both times she told the police he attacked her (I saw this was not true) and he was arrested and released without charge. He also has scars all over him from the numerous times she has attacked him when they are at home. The police have also been called to his parents when she turned up in the middle of the night and tried to hit him. They used to have my daughter 2 days a week but all communication had to go through her (my ex was not allowed to contact me). She ended up telling him he wasn't allowed to see my daughter. She had also said some very horrible things about my daughter (which I could not put on here as I wouldn't want to offend anyone). Along with all this my ex has a serious drugs problem and regularly goes on 4 day benders and has ended up in hospital 4 times in the last few weeks due to overdosing. His new girlfriend has also asked him to prove how much he loves her by organising for me to be killed!! She has also called social services about me, with no actual reason. I also know that she has serious mental health issues.
This morning my ex text me and said he wanted him and his girlfriend to take our daughter out for the day tomorrow and I said no. With everything that's happened I don't want my daughter around them as I don't think she will be safe, especially as she has a real problem with her and social services had advised me to seriously think if I wanted them as a couple to be around my daughter. This has gone down like a lead balloon and I have now been told they will make my life hell and not worth living.
I suppose I'm just looking for advise, do you think I've done the right thing and where do I go from here? Should I contact social services myself and start this as a legal thing?

LoneRangeress Fri 14-Aug-15 12:41:57

Id contact whoever you can to get some support with this!

And I certainly wouldn't let my child anywhere near either of them.
You're doing the right thing OP. And as for getting you killed??? What the actual fuck!!!!!! She's clearly unstable.

I really feel for you. What a shitty position to be in.

Itsthevibe Fri 14-Aug-15 12:49:50

The answer is a resounding yes!

And if you can, move.

mindyourown15 Fri 14-Aug-15 12:51:45

I think you should report the threats to the police and take legal advice. And I would also move far away.

pumpkinsweetie Fri 14-Aug-15 13:01:39

I wouldn't want my child around a physically abusive person, so yes i would stop the visits, and move house if at all possible?

I once lived with my mother as an adult for a short period, whilst she was with a physically abusive husband and it was scary enough for me to watch & on occasion i near missed getting hit myself, if in the way, so no way would i want to see a child in a similar situation.

Violent people will always be voilent and a risk to others living with them.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Fri 14-Aug-15 13:06:57

Yes ring SS even for advice, see about moving quickly, ask for police intervention. You should feell safe in your own home.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Fri 14-Aug-15 13:07:43

Side note - are the comments racist?

pocketsaviour Fri 14-Aug-15 13:12:04

Have you got a record (e.g. texts or voicemails) of these two threats - about having you killed and/or making your life a living hell?

I agree with PPs that I'd be looking to move asap. And definitely no to contact at the moment. Maybe consider a contact centre if there is one near you?

Sogo1 Fri 14-Aug-15 13:13:02

No they are not racist, they are along the lines of her not developing as she should with speak etc (which isn't even an issue), as long as just general nasty comments about her. I own the house and would lose money if I moved. Can't rent it out either as I have a governed grant which helped me buy it so legally can't rent it, and if I were to do it privately I would bet my life that one of them would report me for doing it. Unfortunately I'm stuck there!!

CalleighDoodle Fri 14-Aug-15 13:21:56

Phone the police abd ask them to send someone round. Your life has been threatened. Contact only in a contact centre, which, if he is bothered enough, he can arrange.

AnyPostToday Fri 14-Aug-15 13:27:16

I think you need legal help, this sounds so stressful for you.
Tell the police, ask them and SS for advice.

TheUnwillingNarcheska Fri 14-Aug-15 13:37:41

I'd rather lose money on the house and get away, in fact we have done that in the past, moved to get away from a particular area and we moved into a hotel because we couldn't get our completion dates to match.

Best thing we ever did. You get away from the daily reminder of how crazy they both are.

Your own words "I have now been told they will make my life hell and not worth living." Seriously move.

BarbarianMum Fri 14-Aug-15 13:51:48

I don't think he should see her unless you are present and whilst he's in this relationship not even that. Document everything you can and tell him to apply to the courts for contact. If he does show them your OP and ask for contact to be through a contact centre. People w drug problems shouldn't ever be left in sole charge of a child.

daisyJ123 Fri 14-Aug-15 13:53:11

The threats might be enough for the police/council to move you temporarily into alternative housing while you contemplate what to do next.
Sorry you are being subjected to this vile treatment. Who are you getting support from in RL?

mindyourown15 Fri 14-Aug-15 14:09:11

the house they live in - is it rented or owned?

wafflyversatile Fri 14-Aug-15 14:15:26

I think you need to report to police and social services and keep them updated. I would also be sure to let them know what you've seen of her attacking him, rather than the other way round. And certainly keep your DC away from him while he's with her.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Fri 14-Aug-15 15:08:18

Yes, if they rent they could be breaking their agreement and you could get them moved. Make take a while. Try the domestic violence via the police they can flag up your home and check you security locks etc

RealityCheque Fri 14-Aug-15 15:22:56

They sound great. I would get away from the area as soon as possible and stop contact as well as not giving an address out.

Then I would report them to the Jeremy Kyle Show police AND social services.

lalalonglegs Fri 14-Aug-15 15:27:20

Women's Aid gives advice on obtaining Non-Molestation Orders. It might be worth contacting them. I think that breaching one is now a criminal offence so worth getting one if you can. And of course you shouldn't let your ex near your daughter.

DistanceCall Fri 14-Aug-15 15:53:28

I'm usually all in favour of divorced fathers remaining in their children's lives as much as possible.

In this case, NO WAY. Go away. Move. If possible to a different area/city. And report absolutely every incident to the police.

This man and his partner are seriously dangerous. Under no circumstances should you allow your daughter to be left alone with them

Muldjewangk Fri 14-Aug-15 16:11:53

I can't understand why you let your baby stay with your ex and a neighbour for two days a week in the first place, she was probably fretting for you. I find this very sad.

OP you should speak to the police about the death threat.

Sogo1 Fri 14-Aug-15 17:49:26

His new partner owes the house so I doubt they will move. They only ever had my daughter for a few hours and it was before I knew what she was like and it was only about 3 times. He hadn't had any contact with my daughter since March because he was told by the new girlfriend he wasn't allowed. The first time he saw her was a few weeks ago when he ended up getting arrested.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: