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Relationships

divorce settlements

26 replies

Startingover231 · 14/08/2015 11:38

Can anyone advise me about what is reasonable to expect as a settlement? Brief history, 25 year marriage H left me about a year ago for OW. 3 kids but only 1 under 18. I have asked for the house (no mortgage) and half our savings and as on offset I won't claim on his pension.... I thought he had to maintain me as his ex spouse until such time as I remarried or co habited. but a friend has just said he only has to maintain me as long as our youngest is in education? We are going through mediation atm, and the mediator said if we can't come to an agreement without going through the Courts, the courts would claim I only needed a 2 bed house (despite fact one other child, over 18,still lives with me)I could work more despite teh fact i have worked part time throughout our married life, and I could get a better paid job! She also said if I co habit or marry again within 6 - 12 months of settlement he could reopen the claim! Meanwhile he gets 2 salaries (his and OW), a good payoff and no kids to live with! It hardly seems fair, that I didn't ask for this, none of it was my doing yet I seem to be the one who could be penalised? Any thoughts/advice would be much appreciated. How have others managed after settlement to survive financially?

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Wanttobeangry · 14/08/2015 14:03

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millymollymoomoo · 14/08/2015 14:47

unfortunately no one here will be able to tell you as outcomes vary considerably depending on a whole bunch of facts which will be unique to your case.

As guiding principles however, clean breaks are generally preferred so there is no ongoing financial link to your ex, but not always possible. - this can sometimes be achieved with one party forgoing extra capital upfront in effect to buy out any spousal maintenance - eg you might be awarded 100% of house by trading off spousal as example. In cases where it is felt parity cannot be achieved with a clean break (eg if you are both perhaps at retirement age, spousal might be one way to achieve that) You might be awarded a mesher order with a % as another option. You might be awarded a pension share. These are all in the pot

COurts will look to all assets of the marriage including house, savings pensions, will then look to dependents and ages, the needs of each part (i.e if you only have 1 dependent (under 18) they could argue you dont' need a 4 bed house) as well as your and DH current and future earning potential along with the ability to house dependents (which takes priority) and ability to earn and contribute to a pension. Negotiations will start based on this.

You don't state your age (and don't need to here!) but for example yes its a long marriage but if you are only say 45 now, then you still have 20 years to work full time and build up your own pension. If you are 63 that wont be achievable.

There is no automatic right to spousal and he doesn't necessarily have to 'maintain you' until the children are 18 either....many women in many divorces are expected to find work and support themselves (with just interim time bound spousal support and child maintenance) with primary age children - there is the general expectation that you need to look to support yourself.

if you know the value of all your assets and what you DH earns you should begin to get a sense of what is 'realistic' eg if you were awarded 60% of everything what would that look like? 50%, 70% etc