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Lying friend

(13 Posts)
susiesue56 Thu 13-Aug-15 19:35:46

What would you do in this situation? Close friend is looking for a new job and has previously shared information about job interviews and asked for help with interview prep. Recently i mentioned that I'd seen a few jobs advertised that might be relevant for her, she says she's stopped applying as too busy at the moment. The next day she has the day off work to go to a job interview. When asked why she had lied, the conversation got turned round to me not being supportive enough (which i don't think is true). i end up saying sorry to her.

Friend has occasionally lied to me in the past, usually about small things like being too busy to meet up. I recently called her out on a lie and she said she wouldn't do it again.

We used to be really good friends, and she is good fun to be around but i don't feel that i trust her anymore, and am now reluctant to share personal information with her. Not sure whether to have a big confrontation or just really downgrade the friendship.

goddessofsmallthings Thu 13-Aug-15 20:44:06

Downgrade your friendship to zero as life's too short to waste on pointless confrontations and people you don't trust.

If she wants to meet up with you she'll get in touch and you can decide that you're too busy whether you want to see her or not.

wafflyversatile Thu 13-Aug-15 20:55:43

It's hardly a bit lie, is it? Maybe she got fed up with having to say 'no, I didn't get it', 'no, I didn't get it' so thought if I don't tell people I've got an interview then I don't have to say when I didn't get it. Maybe unwittingly you have said things that didn't feel that supportive.

Again, sometimes people give being busy as an excuse when they just don't feel like going out.

But by all means do back off a bit and downgrade your friendship if you're not feeling it now.

wafflyversatile Thu 13-Aug-15 20:56:02

big not bit.

DoreenLethal Thu 13-Aug-15 20:57:22

She didn't lie though - she said she had stopped applying.

MarchLikeAnAnt Thu 13-Aug-15 20:59:33

Not sure whether to have a big confrontation or just really downgrade the friendship

You're not in highschool anymore.

cozietoesie Thu 13-Aug-15 21:07:40

I don't like liars. For all you know, she's lied to you much more than you know - ie you only found out about some of them - and for me, trust is the bedrock of a good relationship. Small lies - often needless and just used because it's the 'easiest' thing to - corrode in my experience.

I would also be royally annoyed at having blame assigned to me for a lie of hers. I couldn't accept a person who would do those things to me as a friend.

I wouldn't bother to have a big confrontation because what's the point? Just move on to friendships new.

FolkGirl Thu 13-Aug-15 21:11:01

Hm... tricky one.
I 'lied' about my driving test, and I 'lie' when I have job interviews sometimes. To some people. Because I don't want loads of questions about it. What's the problem? With that? Other people don't have an automatic right to know everything in my head/life.

I have a 'friend' who is very supportive. She always has some word of wisdom or piece of advice or judgement to pass about the way I live my life. There's nothing wrong with the way I live my life, it's just different to the way she lives hers.

I have been known to keep my cards close to my chest with her, because I don't want to have to apreciate her 'support' every time I do something.

I would find it a bit instrusive/overbearing if someone were looking out job vacancies for me. And even if you think that's helpful, it doesn't entitle you to know everything. She's entitled to a private life.

joopy79 Thu 13-Aug-15 21:12:14

Job hunting is so depressing, getting multiple rejections is no fun. I imagine she is keeping quiet until she gets some good news to share. It's not really a lie, she doesn't have to tell you everything.

SelfLoathing Thu 13-Aug-15 21:57:54

I'd gloss over it and move on. Job hunting is soul destroying and when people feel highly vulnerable they sometimes act out of character.

Bad time for her. Don't make an issue out of it.

Lucy90 Thu 13-Aug-15 23:03:06

My SIL makes 'helpful' comments and suggestions about everything so as a result me and DP never tell her anything, im starting at college in two weeks and she has no idea.
Weve told her we are waiting a few years before ttc again when in actual fact we are ttc now.
Some people dont feel the need to share everything, i dont think we are lying to SIL we are having some privacy

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Thu 13-Aug-15 23:24:42

Perhaps she was fed up of people asking her questions about jobs all the time.

Smilingforth Fri 14-Aug-15 05:58:30

I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt. Job hunting is hard work and depressing if you constantly get knocked back andbincan see why she wouldn't want to talk about

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