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Where has the respect gone - I don't know what to do anymore.

(9 Posts)
Afloatanddrifting Thu 13-Aug-15 11:38:35

We've 3 DC, two of which are not yet in school. I gave up my career to stay at home due to costs while he has improved his career with my support mostly. I struggle with not working as I feel utterly taken for granted and unappreciated yet all I here is how I don't recognise his financial contribution. He went as far as to tell one of the DC mummy doesn't have any money so daddy has to pay for everything. Wtaf?!

The issues I have though are his inability to discuss anything with me instead just to go ahead and make decisions based on what works for him while I sacrifice my career and everything else to stay at home.

He's increased his travel after a discussion on how disruptive it's been to our young family and is threatening to leave this week if I don't support his vision of the future.

I'm so confused I can barely put into words what I need and talking about how I feel usually ends in a row and him raising his voice.

I want to run and hide.

Joysmum Thu 13-Aug-15 11:46:16

I'd have gone fucking ballistic at the 'mummy has no money so daddy pays for everything' comment.

We had a stage where I felt taken for granted too. My DH said he was working his hardest to provide for me and our daughter.

I said, 'oh really? If you didn't have me and DD would that mean you'd be doing less hours now or not so focussed on your career?'

Of course he could say that! That's when it dawned on him how I was making all the compromise and his ambition was not a product of wanting to provide, but providing was a byproduct of his ambition.

Things changed after that as I'd called him on his attitude.

I've no doubt there are people for whom they do more hours or want to progress due to family pressures, I just knew that this wasn't the case for him.

sammasati Thu 13-Aug-15 11:47:08

<offers shoulder for op to cry on>

He needs to have it drummed into him that it is not his money but family money.

Is there anyway that you can maintain your hand in with regards to your career, it sounds as though you may need to have a back up plan where you can support yourself without being with your 'dp'.

I am so sorry that he is behaving like an entitled prick.

Maybe he would like to go part time so that you can follow your vision career wise, or maybe he could become to sahp?

I feel very angry on your behalf angry

glasshouses88 Thu 13-Aug-15 11:48:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Afloatanddrifting Thu 13-Aug-15 11:54:22

He won't listen! He's been sleeping on the sofa for six weeks now (swears there's no one else) and still cares about me but the arguing is too much.

He won't budge and says oh go back to work and then says you can't now we can't afford it etc etc

I'm so confused upset and angry and I've said some terrible thing on texts this morning. He's all but checked out anyway so it doesn't really matter.

I can't believe I've got myself into this position.

I hate him so much right now as he's made me entirely without authority in my own family.

It's all about how he feels and his self validation. His answer is to send the dc to relatives when he's away!! Well the ones too small to go to school.

sammasati Thu 13-Aug-15 12:00:37

Op do not feel bad about putting yourself in this situation, he made a commitment to you when you both decided to stay at home to raise a family, he has broken that commitment by behaving like a lord tom nod and minimising your role.

Afloatanddrifting Thu 13-Aug-15 12:03:39

Well he seems to want out and a bachelor lifestyle while still enjoys the benefit of having his children raised by someone. It's hurtful at a minimum

Afloatanddrifting Thu 13-Aug-15 12:11:31

How can I make him listen to me and understand what he's doing. All I get is you make me so unhappy and the only thing I care about is the DC and he then expects me to be supportive when I've NEVER had support bar a few practicalities. I almost died giving birth and was seriously ill and all that concerns him was how hard it was for him to cope.

I'm heartbroken it's come to this.

Afloatanddrifting Thu 13-Aug-15 12:28:28

Sorry about the rant I'm utterly frustrated and being at home day in day out is making me lose my mind it seems ��

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