how to get over anger at a friend

[ellie567]

I'm hoping that some calm, 'zen' mumsnetters can help me overcome the anger i feel towards a friend, which has just given me a sleepless night.

I'm usually very laid back and tend to think people are doing their best even when they piss me off. However, recently one of my closest friends, who i also work with, has started to annoy me with just about everything she does, turning me into quite a bitter friend. Examples of things she has done include not having time to meet me, yet doing her best to 'woo' a new work colleague with invites for coffee etc, and keeping secrets from me whilst accusing me of being secretive if i ever forget to tell her something. In the office yesterday i realised that we are both really nice people but we are just not nice to each other anymore.

How can i let go of the bad feeling i have towards her?

[BeautyQueenFromMars]

Either arrange to meet up with her and talk over how you feel with her, or accept the friendship is over and just view her as a work colleague, being polite and civil but nothing more.

[Notabeararaccoon]

I have a dear friend like this. We are more like sisters than friends. We go through phases of being best buddies in the whole world and other phases where either she can hardly bear me, or I can hardly bear her (or the pair of us are utterly fed up with each other). We've been friends for 28 years and tbh, now I think of it as the ebb and flow of life. We love each other really, it looks dresdful written down above, but if it was that bad ever, neither of us would have persevered with the friendship. When we go through our harder times, I think we've both learnt to distance ourselves a bit, and tbh, 28 years of friendship, you also tend to have a much greater grasp of the whole 'bigger picture' and are a lot better at letting things go, or just leaving things to run their course.

What helped me a lot, was realising how much we recreate historic relationships. My parents are hypercritical control freaks. My best friend, ooh, what a surprise! Would be horrified to be called hypercritical, but there is only one way to do things ever, and that's her way. She's super talented at many things, super organised, and now I (also a control freak) understand that effectively I'm fighting a childhood battle with someone who isn't my mum, I back off, don't have the fight, and, amazing, am a lot happier! She tells me I'm wrong, I suck it up without fighting and trying to prove my point and we fall out less ????

Give yourself some space, give her some space. All relationships ebb and flow and sometimes need more space/breathing room or just distance.

[Smilingforth]

I agree with the above. Space is important in friendship. You are not married to her!