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Mediation - Aggresive Ex

(5 Posts)
kelly31275 Wed 12-Aug-15 15:25:07

Hi there
My ex partner recently issued an occupation order against me to get me removed from the family home and the children. I ended our relationship due to his DV towards me and he brought this claim as I called the police when he raised his fist to punch me (he didn't make contact), this was in front of our 6 year old twin daughters. He tried to say I was telling him to hit me, which isn't true. He withdrew the order in court, on advice of his solicitor, however we were advised to go to mediation to try and resolve our problems, we both agreed.
We attended mediation last week and he was very irate and aggressive, not only towards me but to the mediator as well. She even had to remove me from the room as I think she feared for my safety.

My question is, as the mediator hasn't replied to me yet, is the mediator able to write in the report about his aggressive behaviour? Or just she purely have to stick to what was discussed. Obviously I need to be able to explain to the court why it is impossible for me to discuss anything with him amicably as he has anger issues and I fear for what he might do.

Thank you

pocketsaviour Wed 12-Aug-15 15:43:25

I can't specifically advise on your question as don't have any personal experience of mediation - I'm wondering if a call to Womens Aid might help?

Do you have a solicitor?

Goodbetterbest Wed 12-Aug-15 15:47:16

The mediator has to be impartial, but also needs to be fair. They will phrase things in such a way so as not to take sides, so may say 'feelings were running high' or something. They will also make everything available to you both.

Sounds like mediation isn't suitable so I imagine you'd be advised not to go down this route.

InTheBox Wed 12-Aug-15 15:52:52

It is a v.specific question especially so as some will write about having you removed from the room whereas others will stick to the exchange itself. Bear in mind that in the main, unless you really have a gormless mediator, it is often clear where both parties stand. You on the other hand can write about it using the terms you see fit.
How did you find out that his solicitor advised him to withdraw the claim? and do you have records of police intervention r.e. his DV? If so then his behaviour at mediation is neither here nor there. However when you say that you were advised to go to mediation is this as a direct result of that particular incident?

kelly31275 Wed 12-Aug-15 16:11:24

Yes I do have a solicitor. I am currently awaiting advice from my barrister about a potential TOLATA, Schedule 1 claim & child arrangement order.
Yes I would agree mediation isn't suitable, but I pretty much felt like I had to give it a go as directed by the judge in court. I could have said he was too aggressive but they may not have believed me, hopefully they will now.
The mediator acted like she was fairly shocked by his behaviour, id say she doesn't come across people like that everyday. She couldn't advise me at the time about what to do, but was going away to think about it.
His solicitor told my barrister about withdrawing the claim after receiving my statement.
Yes I have logged incidents with the police, they wanted me to write a formal statement especially about 1 of the incidents, but I declined, for various reasons, so he hasn't actually been charged with anything. I am thinking about pursuing one of the attacks, but it was 7 years ago and I don't want it to appear I am only doing it now to try and get what I want in court, if that makes sense. When reading about separation and children and domestic violence there is a lot of negativity surrounding women who bring it up!!

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