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Stuck in Limbo

(8 Posts)
Trilaulyn2926 Tue 11-Aug-15 12:26:52

New here! Hello everyone, please be kind.
I have come to the realization that I cannot continue in my relationship anymore, but cannot make the step towards actually leaving and putting a end to it.
We have been together over 20 odd years, 2 children(17 and 8). Mortgage ( joint),car finance( his).
He works full time, I work part time.
Bottom line is he won't move out and let me and children stay in house, and I am in no position to move out with children.
He is suggesting that I sign over hours to him and he pays me out £30k( half the equity) to do this he would have to hand back car and loose money on it.£30 k wouldn't go far towards me setting up home somewhere close by.
I only work 13 hrs,but at an enhanced rate so it works out I get paid for approx 21 hrs work.
£30k would get taken into account when applying for anything as a single parent as far as I know.
What would be YOUR first step in this situation.... ?

ImperialBlether Tue 11-Aug-15 12:29:33

My first step would be to contact a lawyer and ask for advice. I know people go on about the first half hour being free but I would focus on getting enough advice that I could make a good decision.

flowers for you. It's a difficult time but everything will get better.

Jan45 Tue 11-Aug-15 12:36:09

He cant force you to stay in an unhappy marriage, you need legal advice, you're not the first couple to split up, he may take you a bit more seriously if you tell him you are seeking out legal advice.

You maybe be able to stay in the family house but don't take advice of him, speak to a family law Solicitor.

butterflygirl15 Tue 11-Aug-15 12:36:44

are you married? I would see a solicitor too

and savings has no impact on working and child tax credits - it only effects housing and council tax and other means tested benefits

Trilaulyn2926 Tue 11-Aug-15 12:51:35

We aren't married,been together since teens... Now in 40s. There is no-one else involved, we have just let our relationship stagnate. Over the last 7 years we have made little effort to change things and I am so tired waking up with not a lot to look forward to in the future. He is looking at the situation like this.... He is in a position to keep the house on and it isn't as much as a upheaval for the children, and I understand this but I cannot leave without my children( my mother walked out of an abusive marriage without her children, me and 2 others, I just couldn't leave them here although there has never been any abuse in this relationship, only ignorance and neglect (both to blame)).
I do not want to turn this into a war, I only want us both to accept that it is over and try to be as amicable as possible for the children. Naive I know.

pocketsaviour Tue 11-Aug-15 13:58:50

If you're not married then your position is weakened and I'd probably take the 30k and initially rent somewhere close enough for schools and pay the yearly rent up front.

Don't forget you'll get maintenance from him for both kids. Assuming he works full time, he is in no position to be saying he'll be the resident parent. He could go for 50/50 (in which case he won't pay maintenance) - would this give you some scope to up your hours at work?

Trilaulyn2926 Tue 11-Aug-15 14:25:53

Thanks for the input ladies.
Sorry I didn't make it clear that although he wants to keep the family home he doesn't want 100% custody of children. I haven't been asked to leave yet.
I could go to my mothers while all this is going on but I couldn't take the children... They are in no danger etc, but it wouldn't be practical to upheave them until absolutely necessary. Until I have somewhere settled to take them.

Trilaulyn2926 Wed 12-Aug-15 11:01:29

I have asked if he would go to a relatives house to stay while we get everything sorted out regarding signing house over etc, but he refuses...he hasn't even told his family what has been happening yet. I think he is concerned I would try and claim residency because he left family home.... Really think he is in denial because we have split in past approx 10 yrs ago and I moved out with our only child to my mothers then came back, we then had another child, but I cannot and will not leave until I have somewhere I can call a home for them. It seems like things are going to have to get acrimonious and I really didn't want to go down this road.

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