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If you negotiated with the CSA on behalf of your husband today/yesterday because of his arrears, read this.

(55 Posts)
Bogeyface Tue 11-Aug-15 01:16:38

You disgust me.

You were the person who actively encouraged him to stop contact with his DD because you were jealous of me, and enabled him in avoiding paying maintenance for her.

You then went on to have 3 daughters with him and plead poverty whenever his arrears caught up with you, ignoring the poverty you put DD and myself into each month that you didnt pay. Funny how "think of the children!" didnt include his oldest daughter isnt it?

Today I found out that he named you as his advocate, which is a massive slap in the face under the circumstances, and that the CSA have agreed to cancel the deduction from earnings order based on your bleating. Thank you.

DD gets 3 months with no payments and you get 10 months to pay it back. I hope you are proud of yourself and I have no doubt that you do better by your own three daughters.

I had clung to the hope that one day he would do to you what he did to me, but that is looking remoter by the day. So all I have now is the knowledge that you are married to a man who who is so morally bankrupt that he cheerfully abandoned, physically, emotionally ^and financially, his daughter and that you are happy to be with him. You really musnt think much of yourself if you are happy to settle for that.

He is the villain here, I know that. But given that I found out tonight that you dared to stalk my DD on the internet and accidentally sent a (quickly removed) friend request on FB, I now offically hate your fucking guts and hope that you suffer exactly what you put us through. How DARE you look her up? She has lived 15 of her 18 years without you or him poisoning her life, she has no interest in him and less in you. You are nothing to her, and she is nothing to you so stay the hell out of her fucking life. Her daddy and I love her, and she loves us. Her Daddy may not be her bio father, but he has been there for her every single day and even though we are no longer together, treats her and loves her as his own. So fuck off and tell that joke you married to fuck off too.

I am posting this well aware that many MNers will tell me to move on, keep my dignity etc, but I need to say this to you and I am 99% sure you are on here, I have spotted your posts and I am utterly sick of the shits you keep taking in my daughters life.

Lweji Tue 11-Aug-15 01:22:58

Bogey, have a hug. You do have your dignity, unlike your DD's dad.

Proudmumof2boys Tue 11-Aug-15 01:24:52

Sending hugs too.
They are clearly a pair of horrors.

HowDdo2You Tue 11-Aug-15 01:31:41

flowers your post resonates. What a vile couple.

Bogeyface Tue 11-Aug-15 01:33:07

Thank you both.

Its rare that I post stuff like this (rare as in ...never) butI just need to rant and cry and....well mainly cry.

How dare that utter bitch stalk my little girl?! She was instrumental in her husband abandoning his DD (he should have told her to fuck off and had the balls to be the father he claimed he wanted to be so I do get that he had a choice and voted with his dick) and then is tracking us?!

She must still be, 15 years later, not sure of the man she married....I cant imagine why....

HowDdo2You Tue 11-Aug-15 01:36:18

These odd bods that entangle themelves with married fathers then steal time and money from children, are bizarre souls. She will likely get joy from your post, and make herself into your victim.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Tue 11-Aug-15 01:38:01

Fucking hell Bogey, that sucks. Have some flowers and lots of wine

I believe in the power of divine retribution and hope she gets what's coming to her.

TheFormidableMrsC Tue 11-Aug-15 01:39:35

Bogey...have a hug from me my love. They are utter utter cunts. Have similar issues myself with maintenance etc. Foul pieces of shit. Your DD has you and her Dad, that's the main thing. They'll get theirs one day xxxx

Bogeyface Tue 11-Aug-15 01:40:00

Thanks all. I wont mention anyone individually as I would hate to miss someone.

But I do appreciate your responses, makes the tears feel a little less painful.

Thank you

Bogeyface Tue 11-Aug-15 01:44:17

How2 I am sure she will, she did before.

During the brief 6 month period where he still saw DD (but didnt pay support and she came up with weekly excuses to stop contact) and I was trying to be friends with her for DD's sake, she said that they were thinking of getting married abroad, I suggested Beirut. Cant imagine why she got stroppy grin

Still makes me smile to think of that!

HowDdo2You Tue 11-Aug-15 01:48:45

I don't find the wicked get the punishment they deserve in this world. Try to avoid dwelling on it beyond tonight. Easier said than done.

Lweji Tue 11-Aug-15 01:50:09

I don't often get, but I'm teary eyed at your posts.
I've only noticed you little more than hinting about your ex, and you always come across as so strong and together, but we always have times when we need support.
Maybe it hit me more because even recently I had an exchange with ds's dad.
Anyway, rant away. Make yourself heard for your dd. She is lucky she has you.

Lweji Tue 11-Aug-15 01:54:10

They may not get their comeuppance, but we can certainly pity their pathetic choices. I'm sure they can't be happy. No matter how great their lives may be.

Theimpossiblegirl Tue 11-Aug-15 01:56:52

Sending you a big unmumsnetty hug, Bogey.

I could never be with a man who could so willingly abandon his previous children and really don't understand the kind of woman who could stand by and let it happen, let alone be an active participant. She should be ashamed. They both should be.

HowDdo2You Tue 11-Aug-15 01:59:11

The thing is people with little empathy are happy as life is great for them. They trample all over others and can do that as they feel entitled and no guilt. They get what they want and are happy.

There is not going to be any justice in this world, it's so hard to come to acceptance.

Op needs to change her focus after a big cry, rant and lots of TLC tonight. I would like the true targets of the wicked to be happy and have clean souls. Don't let them corrupt

Waltermittythesequel Tue 11-Aug-15 02:04:50

Honestly, I wouldn't even take a penny from him. Don't get me wrong, I know you're entitled to it but I would just act like he didn't exist!

You and your dd live your lives, they live theirs and let them go. Life's too short. flowers

Bogeyface Tue 11-Aug-15 02:05:49

It wont bother me tomorrow Howdo, but tonight I need to let it out.

DD and I have talked and we are both......ok-ish. I could hear her laptop earlier and I know she was banging out messages to her friends, just as I am now. We both need to get it out of our systems before we go back to the default of "Fuck him, he lost far far more than she did".

Bogeyface Tue 11-Aug-15 02:07:34

Wlater fuck that! I will take the money because I know they begrudge every penny and it hurts that they have to pay it to her! She is saving for Uni and every penny counts, and I wont deny that the fact that they hate paying it makes me smile.

NickiFury Tue 11-Aug-15 02:30:02

Quite right, your dd deserves every penny. I know it's unlikely but I do hope that somehow she sees your OP. Although I always think there's no reaching people like that, so entrenched are they in their selfishness.

Waltermittythesequel Tue 11-Aug-15 02:35:26

I wasn't in any way defending them!

I just think you would be so much better off having nothing to do with them. But of course, you are well within your rights to get your dd's money!

lunar1 Tue 11-Aug-15 02:40:52

I doubt the bitch would even recognise herself in your op, she will have convinced herself she is a victim in some way. I'll wish them termites, fleas, wasp nests and boils on the ends of their noses though.

Bogeyface Tue 11-Aug-15 02:53:29



I agree with you , but I came across as being a bit "fuck you"! If I could afford to pay for DD to have a private education, buy her a car, house...yacht, you name it, I would still make them pay. Not because I needed it but because he (and she) does everything he can to avoid it. Its the principle not the money.

BernardlookImaprostituterobotf Tue 11-Aug-15 03:09:31

Absolutely bollocks to him being able to shirk the last shred of his fatherly duty, the craven shitbag.
I see exactly where Walter is coming from but BogeyJr has a right to that money and any difference it could make or assistance it could give, he has lost out on knowing her and it sounds like she's well rid of such a pathetic man but that doesn't stop it hurting. The only positive thing she can get from him is the assistance his legal obligation of parenthood might give her, in this case Uni. I'd be damned before I let him discard all his obligations without a fight. You can't make someone a good parent or a decent human being but if there is a way to secure anything for your child - that is their moral and legal right - then absolutely, make them pay. And if every penny makes them squirm that's just the price of being a rotten fucker. His wife sounds like she makes bad decisions, I hope her children aren't forced to pay for her comeuppance.
Money, particularly the usually paltry amounts recieved from these people, will not undo the hurt and damage the pair of them have wrought on a child, without shame or care. It does nothing for the emotional impact of being discarded like nothing for a new family. Bogey will have been the difference, her daddy and mum will have taken on every cost of healing that hurt, providing a happy loved life and making their dd into the young woman she is today. There isn't any money in the world that can match that. He still has to pay though because he has a responsibility to another whole human person, his child, not a sponsored dog.
I wish your dd the best of luck with uni and that you can both let of steam about this and then leave it firmly behind. FB stalking is such pitiful behaviour, they're not victims of anything but themselves, pathetic and you're better off out of it.
Leave her with the prize that makes her so insecure she is threatened by a child, makes her so jealous she stalks her on fb and so bitter and petty that every pound is painful - sounds like she's made a wonderful life for herself.

BernardlookImaprostituterobotf Tue 11-Aug-15 03:11:41

Let off steam. Not of. Got a little cross for you and the first thing to go is my SpaG.

TheAwfulDaughter Tue 11-Aug-15 03:27:06

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