Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Been asked on a date by a much younger man

(40 Posts)
nashandra Mon 10-Aug-15 17:15:07

I have been talking to a guy on a dating site who ticks a lot of boxes for me. We have been chatting for about a month. Very good looking, nice and seems mature for his age. He has said he is looking for a LTR and doesn't really want a casual fling. The thing is, he is 24 and I'm 40. He is by far the youngest man to have messaged me online. I am also definitely not a cougar as I've never been with someone so much younger. WWYD? Anyone on MN had a proper relationship with a (much) YM?

CheersMedea Mon 10-Aug-15 17:24:12

Depends what you are after. If you want a LTR, the odds are stacked against it working out.

Despite everything he is saying, there's a fair chance he is targeting older women because he thinks they aren't going to be as demanding of him or his time.

Personally, I wouldn't but I expect for everyone who has my view, plenty of people would say "give it a go, what have you got to lose".

Jan45 Mon 10-Aug-15 17:33:10

Wouldn't be for me, there's nearly two decades between you, I cant see what you would have in common, I'd also be extremely dubious about his motives but again, as has been said, you could give it a go!

CherryBonBon Mon 10-Aug-15 17:36:46

I would say no.

I'm 35 and I can't help but think I'd have nothing in common with a 24 year old.

Plus as precious poster has said I'd suspect he was going after older women because they might be more grateful of the attention.

Also, if he's used to seeing nubile 24 year old women naked there's no way I'd be unleashing my post-children pooch and cellulite shock grin

Happytuesdays99 Mon 10-Aug-15 17:40:58

You will get some success stories but it wouldn't be for me. Too big a gap. If you just want a fling then ok but if you want a serious relationship then for me the gap is too big. I would the thinking 50/34 60/44. They are big gaps.

ajmc67 Mon 10-Aug-15 18:05:51

Disagree with all the above. I think you should go. I'm 47 and my bf is 25. We've been together over 6 years and living together for over 4. I don't know why people have such a hang up about age gaps, particularly when the woman is older. I'm not a cougar.. we met, got on and the rest is history. We have loads in common and I am covered in post child stretch marks which don't appear to be a problem. Go and meet him and see. He might just be right for you...

handfulofcottonbuds Mon 10-Aug-15 18:19:19

If you're both single then why not date?!

Dating is about getting to know each other with anybody, let alone their age. Just don't question it and don't look too far into the future with any online date.

ArseForElbow Mon 10-Aug-15 18:22:34

I'm 41 and wouldn't. When I was 39 I dated a 23 year old, well one date grin We had nothing in common and it felt as if he just wanted to date an older woman tbh He texted for a few days asking what went wrong but it was more of what went right.

Just my experience. I briefly dated a 29 year old and he was better. grin

brokenhearted55a Mon 10-Aug-15 18:30:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

handfulofcottonbuds Mon 10-Aug-15 18:31:45

Yes broken and we shouldn't dismiss how beautiful a woman can be in her 40s either smile

Joysmum Mon 10-Aug-15 18:34:09

I'd say no and tell him you're only after a casual fling. It'd be interesting to see what the response would be.

brokenhearted55a Mon 10-Aug-15 18:35:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

springydaffs Mon 10-Aug-15 18:40:44

To award for that post, cotton star

springydaffs Mon 10-Aug-15 18:41:36

Top award ffs !

handfulofcottonbuds Mon 10-Aug-15 18:42:39

flowers smile wine Springy!

scatterthenuns Mon 10-Aug-15 18:45:58

Christ no, someone 11 years younger would feel like a child! And someone 11 years old would feel like a grown up. I much prefer dating around my own age - DH is only 4 days older than me.

GammonAndEgg Mon 10-Aug-15 18:46:06


CherryBonBon Mon 10-Aug-15 18:48:23

cotton and springy as is crystal clear in my post I was saying I wouldn't go on the date and referring to my own body. No-one else's.

OP asked for opinions. She got them.

Pinklaydee1302 Mon 10-Aug-15 18:48:48

I get a few much younger men messaging me too (I'm 43) but I just politely say there too young....never trust their motives but maybe that's me

bberry Mon 10-Aug-15 18:54:19

Oh gosh... 16 years could be his mother...

Not for me but everyone's different... Imagine if that was your son!

handfulofcottonbuds Mon 10-Aug-15 18:56:09

My post wasn't in response to your post cherry, it was in response to broken

Nash - I have dated a man in his 20s, well below my stated preferred age range but we chatted and got on. The dates were full of laughs as well as intellectual intelligent chat. He treated me like a lady. I was worried about the age gap but then as we were both single, I thought it was nobody's business.

I take great offence to anyone who thinks that younger men believe older women are somehow 'grateful' for their attention, some may be but some older men may also see a younger woman as a trophy? I take more offence when a woman says that.

I repeat, if you are both single and get on then what's the issue? Just go for a drink and see if you get on, like with any other date.

My only reservation would be that you have chatted for a month....that's a long time not to meet.

Pucaet Mon 10-Aug-15 23:59:54

CherryBonBon- I'm 24 and definitely have a post baby pouchy thing and I think I'm made of cellulite. I'm not even fat I'm just 50% cellulite blush and my boobs are ehhh rather deflated.
So I wouldn't worry looks wise, even teenagers have cellulite and stretch marks etc, or at least I did!

I'd say go for it if you're in no rush to find something serious, because its a bit risky that hes not after a serious relationship (he might not even know if he wants children in the future etcetc) but if you just want some nice dates and a laugh with no pressure for a serious relationship then go for it, nothing to loose smile

53Dragon Tue 11-Aug-15 00:07:48

I'm 54 and had loads of guys in their 20's and 30's asking for dates when I was on match. Politely turned them all down - wouldn't want to go out with someone practically the same age as my sons!! and what's more I don't care what anyone says - I'd hate it if they settled down with someone so much older - the chances of it lasting long term are remote. When I was young I went out with a few much older men but I certainly wouldn't have married any of them!

MsJJ79 Tue 11-Aug-15 07:18:27

I'm 36 and have been seeing a 25 year old for over a year, didn't meet online though. He's amazing and we have a really great relationship, but I'm always aware that we don't have a future as I don't ever want to become more serious than we are now. I'm separated with 2 dcs and don't plan on having more or even living with a man again. And while this is ok for him now, it probably won't always be and at some point I'll have to let him go and find someone younger to have a family with etc.

He is lovely though, and I barely notice the age gap as he looks older and is very mature while I'm not!

So I say if you like him go for it, yolo and all that smile

sanityforlunch Tue 11-Aug-15 07:25:27

A lot of young guys are attracted to older women. The ones who have contacted me online have only been after a 'hook-up.'

I am over 50 and get messages like 'yummy mummy!' It puts me off.

I did meet one younger guy and very nice it was too. Then he wanted me to go to the cinema with me (dark there.)

Anyway op I wouldn't have a full on relationship with someone younger but if you are up for a casual thing why not?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now