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Why would someone in a relationship still have a PoF profile?

(22 Posts)
GoogleBoggle Mon 10-Aug-15 14:56:42

It's my sister's boyfriend of 2 years. I don't like him so I'm biased. I don't like him because he's a bit 'slimy' and I don't feel like he's trustworthy. It's a gut feeling and I could be wrong. She left her long term fiance (who I adored) for him, so you can see why I can't really trust my intuition on him.

He was a friend of my sisters and she was helping him to find love, including I remember encouraging him to get set up on internet dating, setting him up on dates with friends etc, then they fell in love, had an affair and 6 months later she left her fiance for him.

I was googling last night (because I'm stupid) and googled his name and hobbies plus 'dating' and things like that (knowing him I could guess likely usernames and was right) and found his PoF profile. There's nothing on there that pinpoints it as being recent - all just about him and his hobbies and stuff. No pics that I can pinpoint as definitely being taken since the start of their r-ship (some def. old from FB).

Was tempted to catfish him and see if he responded but then I'd get myself in a horrible situation of what to tell my sister if he did wouldn't I? Do you think it could just be that he's forgotten to take it down? Is there anything I should do or just wind my neck in and keep my big fat beak out of their business?

GloriousGloria Mon 10-Aug-15 15:02:41

Definitely the latter

It's likely that it is old and even if it isn't you're in serious danger of alienating your sister.

If it turns out he is a twunt you're better being for her when she works out rather than pointing out all his flaws to her now.

pocketsaviour Mon 10-Aug-15 15:45:26

I think a lot of people just leave them up - especially men as they very rarely get messages out of the blue.

I agree with Gloria that you should just keep out of it and be there if things turn to shit.

brokenhearted55a Mon 10-Aug-15 16:43:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoogleBoggle Mon 10-Aug-15 20:09:26

Thanks guys. I think that my instincts were right about not getting any further involved in this. I just wish I could see if he's active on there. I want to save her from the hurt I feel is inevitable. I also hate the idea that he's getting away with stuff behind my sister's back. I really wouldn't be surprised, based on the way he's been with some of our mutual female friends.

Her fiance was someone we both grew up with like a brother. I'm allowed to have feelings about him. I know my sister is the one who cheated on him but this guy was so vile about him and seemed to take pride in getting one over on him. My relationship with him is also wrecked as he still doesn't know my sister cheated on him and I feel like I'm lying to him every time I'm around him. I'm also allowed to dislike her bf who is very insincere and creepy and makes vile 'funny' comments about women plus has horrible attitudes about things.

I did LOL at the 'creepy' comment though - bit stalkerish of me perhaps?! But soooo easy to guess since he loves himself so much.

brokenhearted55a Mon 10-Aug-15 20:40:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaucyJack Mon 10-Aug-15 20:42:33

When I was on POF a few years ago there was a thingy underneath people's listings in the main search which said if they'd been active recently.

Just saying like.

CaptainHolt Mon 10-Aug-15 20:45:39

I have a match.com that I set up when my bro was on and he kept asking me what I thought of people (Reader - he married her)

I have a pink sofa profile from years back that I haven't deleted because I'm a disorganised fuckwit.

GoogleBoggle Mon 10-Aug-15 21:37:32

You're probably right, brokenhearted but, you know, she's my sister... This was her worst behaviour - there is other good stuff about her. I don't condone or excuse what she did - especially the fact she told him it was his fault she was breaking up with him and he has to live with that forever.

I think the POF 'last active' thing has been removed. That's what I was kind of hoping for.

GoogleBoggle Mon 10-Aug-15 21:41:47

I do sometimes wonder if he knows about the cheating though, as he's also big mates with our brother who is NOT known for his subtlety and knew what was going on too. I don't blame my sister for leaving him - she said she loved him and he was very 'safe' but she wasn't in love. I can totally see that Mr Slimy Arsehole would be more exciting. It's the fact that she didn't just come clean with him that I think is horrible. Plus as I said it puts me (and our brother) in a sad/awkward situation.

StuffDocMcStuffins Mon 10-Aug-15 21:47:58

You can get an idea if he is active on there. Go on to the POF basic search function, you don't need to have a profile to do that. Search his criteria ie male, age, city, within 8 miles, and profiles appear in the order they were last online. The first few pages will say "online now" after that "online today" which actually means online in last three days, then "online this week", "online this month". After that info about when they were online disappears but if he is near the back of the list, he hasn't been on for a while.

Or, as PP say, keep out of it

StuffDocMcStuffins Mon 10-Aug-15 21:49:52

Also, POF has quite active forums and some people keep their account for that purpose and to stay in touch with friends they have made on those platforms. Well, that's a bullshit excuse I've heard before now anyway

brokenhearted55a Tue 11-Aug-15 00:25:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SolidGoldBrass Tue 11-Aug-15 00:28:39

FFS mind your own business. If you think your sister's XP is so wonderful why don't you marry him? Your sister has every right to dump a partner who is unsatisfactory to her and begin a new relationship, she doesn't have to answer to you.

GoogleBoggle Wed 12-Aug-15 21:13:05

Who said she does? I was giving the background info to show the fact that I can't trust my own judgement on this one as I have feelings (not romantic ones, so no I won't marry him thanks grin ) and that's why I was asking for outside perspective.

brokenhearted55a Wed 12-Aug-15 21:18:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoredAdminGirl Thu 13-Aug-15 10:59:54

Sounds like she and bf deserve each other and ex fiance dodged a bullet in not marrying her

This

Dowser Thu 13-Aug-15 11:07:47

Mine's still there.

GoogleBoggle Thu 13-Aug-15 14:43:50

brokenhearted Thanks for the unsolicited analysis of my life based on a few paragraphs... grin

Thanks everyone else. I think it's probable that he's just left it up and forgotten about it... but he is definitely still a sleaze. I'll be there for my sister when the inevitable happens.

Smilingforth Thu 13-Aug-15 18:41:12

I wouldn't be too worried!

LosingTheWillToSkate Thu 13-Aug-15 18:52:50

Jesus fucking christ

You sound like a sour, horrible woman. I don't condone your sister cheating, but it's her life. She chose to be with her partner. Quite frankly nothing beyond that is any if your business.

Smilingforth Thu 13-Aug-15 22:17:58

I think the last post is too harsh. Time though to move on

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