Interested to know from this community what the consensus is. Not sure if it belongs in relationships, please moderators move it if not. At the end of last year I found out that someone I had been seeing, also had another girlfriend. I know I shouldn't have looked at her profile on Facebook, but I did and it was all about how happily in love she was etc etc. A few of my friends have said they would have contacted her and told her. I didn't want to do that for the following reasons:
1 The pain I felt when I found out was awful, I wouldn't want to inflict that on someone else.
2 Their relationship is not my business, he might cheat again but that's not my worry.
3 He could easily paint me as a nutty stalker who has made the whole thing up.
Honestly, I'd have sent a message to this woman, just stating facts, with a friendly tone, and saying I could answer any questions about specific timing etc if she wanted. Mainly because that's what I'd want if I was in her position- I don't think ignorance is bliss.
You wouldn't have been inflicting any pain on her- your two-timing ex was. I wouldn't mind if he painted me as a loon- it's be up to her to judge the facts anyway.
But- I don't think there's a right or wrong here at all. You have to look after yourself and your own emotional health first, and if that meant not contacting her, so be it.
We were in email contact, we made plans to meet up then the emails stopped abruptly. My sis in law is a sleuth and she found him on FB via his very evident GF - a lovely pic of them taken when we were due to meet up and all the comments saying how lovely and happy they looked yadda yadda.
It was awful, but I made myself look at it. I actually felt sorry for her - in another life i'm sure we could have been friends; she is my type! And this is the point.....that picture showed me his other life What happens is entirely up to them and in your case I would steer well clear.
It is very hard.....I can only imagine how you must have felt as you had started a relationship with him. It was bad enough for me having already invested but I'm so relieved that we hadn't met - that would've been truly awful.
Bloody internet - FB does have its uses in that it is easier to catch out the unscrupulous but it also allows the unscrupulous to have have even more cake!
Thanks Echidna, I should have trusted my judgement and not met up with him, nor indulged his messaging traffic which carried on even after I'd found out. I did have to restrain myself from posting on a picture of his girlfriend, taken the day he'd cancelled seeing me 'because his mother needed help' saying ' your mother looks well'. Lesson learned!
Yes, I don't know what it was that made me suspicious, but he chased and chased and I had to tell myself to trust him. He wasn't from an OLD site, I went to school with him 25 years ago and I may have been a bit swept away with the potential romance of it. I fully expect to hear from him sometime in the future. OLD fills me with dread too - sometimes it's easy to weed them out (a new message last night read 'I be your boyfriend babe') but the bullshit radar definitely has to be on point.