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husband sleeping with prostitutes

(34 Posts)
mich1982 Mon 10-Aug-15 03:27:42

Hello I found out today that my husband has been sleeping with prostitutes. Well, he says it was just massages with a helping hand at the end, but I don't believe him. We have been together 5 yrs and only married a month and he has been doing it for 6 months- even after the wedding. He blames his mental health as he thinks he is bipolar and I have been asking him to get help for years but he wouldn't see a therapist. Now he says he will see someone and wants me back, he's sorry and won't do it again blah blah.... what do I do? I have a 9 yr old son from a previous relationship but my husband has raised him as his own. I feel like my world is falling apart and if I hadn't found out how long would he have carried on for? We own our own company so we have to work together and I have to see him everyday.

DiscoDiva70 Mon 10-Aug-15 03:49:23

I think blaming this on his mental health is him using this as an excuse, I think this is the way he is and I can't see how he will change.

Sorry to say, in my opinion he sees women in general as objects with no respect for them, and that includes no respect for you.

Jan45 Mon 10-Aug-15 11:11:30

Well it has FA to do with his mental health, it's his sexual urges and his lack of moral compass that got him a happy ending.

Do you really need to think about what to do, the man has zero respect for you and yes will continue to cheat on you, it's pretty simple as to what you do - get out.

Lightbulbon Mon 10-Aug-15 11:13:43


I'd be horrified too!


pocketsaviour Mon 10-Aug-15 11:24:19

Oh yes that's a well known feature of Bipolar. See it frequently on the symptoms list
* Difficulty sleeping
* Difficulty eating
* Feeling convinced of future success
* Shagging sex workers


Actually that said, risk taking behaviour (including sexually) can be a feature of manic phases. However, it sounds like this is a long-standing thing with your H, not something connected to his phases?

Do you think he actually has bipolar, or is he just a cock?

I don't think I could stay with a man who had done this. Especially one who tried to justify it as "just a rub and tug" confused

Enoughalreadyyou Mon 10-Aug-15 11:27:15

Yes he probably has mh issues but that's not your problem. He chose to do this. Probably enjoyed planning and anticipating each time. It's the high they are after. I stayed for four manipulating and minimising years. You will be in shock and looking for reasons because you can't comprehend it.
The only thing to do is to get divorced. It won't go away.

Enoughalreadyyou Mon 10-Aug-15 11:34:25

Don't believe a word he says. It will definitely be full sex and it will have gone on a lot longer than he says. Check bank records etc. more like most of his adult life. He will at some point try to blame you. So is it worth hanging around to take part in this facade. The answer is no it will damage your mh.
Leave him and leave him now. Tell him to go and get evidence if you can to present to SHL. If you wait it won't be unreasonable behaviour because you will have condoned it.
So sorry your dreams are shattered. He's told you who he is.

Jan45 Mon 10-Aug-15 11:41:36

I wouldn't check anything, once is bad enough but yes I am sure it's been going on a long time.

Aside this issue, you've been asking him to go get help, he hasn't, he wont, instead of trying to fix him, get yourself happy.

redannie118 Mon 10-Aug-15 11:44:41

Sorry you're having such a bad time op. Yes risky sexual behaviour can be a issue for some people with bipolar as can addictive behaviour and you may find that as this has gone on for some time may well be a addiction. That being said my husband has bipolar and was diagnosed 15 years ago and has never had issues with his moral compass. Obviously it effects everyone in a different way,but even if he is diagnosed with a MH issue it does not give him an excuse to behave how he pleases. I cant imagine there is a woman on the planet that could see past this. I would strongly suggest you get yourself a full sexual health screen (sorry) then legal advice on how to split your business and assets. You could also check out the MIND website for some support and advice. Hope things work out well for you flowers

Lavenderice Thu 13-Aug-15 13:53:58

When I was going through an absolutely horrendous time with my ex who was also bi-polar my very wise bi-polar best friend said "bi-polar is very hard to live with, it affects your everyday life but in no way does it make you a cunt. If you act like a cunt it just means you're a cunt"

She was right, hence the reason he's my ex.

RealityCheque Thu 13-Aug-15 14:20:21

"bi-polar is very hard to live with, it affects your everyday life but in no way does it make you a cunt. If you act like a cunt it just means you're a cunt"

That is fucking brilliant. grin

Lavenderice Thu 13-Aug-15 15:39:58

I thought so too Reality, she's my best mate for a reason!

FolkGirl Thu 13-Aug-15 15:47:13

I would end it over this. He is vile.

ElderlyKoreanLady Thu 13-Aug-15 16:19:37

IME (which is sadly extensive) some people repeatedly use undiagnosed mental health issues to excuse bad behaviour. My ex used his undiagnosed 'bipolar' to excuse his general bad treatment of me, drug issues, repeated infidelity, use of sex workers and more serious abuse of me. All the while he claimed he didn't need a diagnosis as he doesn't believe medicating is the way to go. He didn't fit any of the markers for type 1, type 2 or rapid cycling bipolar.

Smilingforth Thu 13-Aug-15 18:39:02

It's very hard; my thoughts are with you.

SoleBizzzz Thu 13-Aug-15 19:02:37

End the relationship.

Nolim Thu 13-Aug-15 19:04:53

Well, he says it was just massages with a helping hand at the end

Erm… What?

YUDOTHIS Thu 13-Aug-15 19:19:05

Nolim- a massage with a handjob at the end.
Sorry OP id be gone.

AnyFucker Thu 13-Aug-15 19:25:17

but that's not too bad because it wasn't "full sex"

really ?

justabigdisco Thu 13-Aug-15 19:33:59

I can tell you now, people who claim to have bipolar while refusing to seek help / a diagnosis almost certainly don't have bipolar. They probably have good days and bad days, possibly with depression, but that's not what bipolar is.

FolkGirl Thu 13-Aug-15 20:08:48

Bottom line is this.

Even if he were to be diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it still wouldn't make it ok, or mean you had to put up with it.

Kick him out. He's vile.

Smilingforth Thu 13-Aug-15 21:29:19

Poor you. It's very hard but you need to be strong.

cozietoesie Thu 13-Aug-15 21:33:54 is very hard to live with, it affects your everyday life but in no way does it make you a cunt. If you act like a cunt it just means you're a cunt...

Boy that's good. It realy hits. smile

cozietoesie Thu 13-Aug-15 21:36:17

By the way, OP. Have you been for a sexual health check? If not, I'd go immediately - they're very easy and straightfoward.

onionlove Thu 13-Aug-15 23:31:05

Same thing happened to me honey, well I have been separated over a year, I just couldn't live with that, crosses a line for me I'm afraid. I still have to see him because of kids and it still turns my stomach. Its selfish and vile and he would have never changed. Who knows what else he lied to me about. Look after yourself and your son x please pm me if you want to chat x

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