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I've pushed the button... It's over

(15 Posts)
LoveLetters Sun 09-Aug-15 19:02:30

He did cocaine again last night. I don't even have to ask him, him sleeping until 1pm today told me all I needed to know. He took kids to the park and when he got back he started shouting because our son was pooing in the bath, slammed a door and behaved over the top. Shouting at me because I gave him a fig biscuit which resulted in him pooing (he was constipated) he then said he was doing everything with no help. Even though I've done it all with no help while he does what he wants. When I pointed this out he says I'm grinding him down. Trying to explain he just shouts over me. So I've sent him this to his phone seeing as he is incapable of an adult conversation.

It's pointless trying to explain anything because you talk over me and only hear your own voice. Sadly, neither of us are enjoying this relationship. The adult thing to do would be to wait until baby is born before we make further arrangements for separation. I don't want our kids living in this environment anymore. I don't wish to argue with you or have any ill feeling. Would prefer to keep this as amicable as possible so we can maintain a good relationship for the sake of our children. To make things easier, and so we both have downtime we can alternate Saturday and Sunday to do things with them. Please don't raise your voice at me or talk disrespectfully to me in front of the kids. You or I don't have he privilege of addressing each other like that anymore. How sad things have become this bad but I just want us both to be happy and it doesn't look like we can do that together. I don't want to argue anymore so please let's not. Hopefully we both know where we stand so we can progress.

I feel so scared about this now I've sent it. Have I done the right thing?

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 09-Aug-15 19:07:55

Yes, of course you have.

In your place I wouldn't have been so gentle or reasonable. I'd have packed a bag for him and chucked him out. Here's hoping you won't have to do that

LoveLetters Sun 09-Aug-15 19:09:04

It's his house in his name. I can't chuck him out and he wouldnt leave. I have no legal right to be here. All very convient for him.

glasshouses88 Sun 09-Aug-15 19:21:55

You have done the right thing.
Bugger being in a relationship were he takes cocaine, does fuck all and shouts over you.
You have made the right decision for your children, you are their mummy and it will hurt them and possibly damage them to see you being shouted at or sense such an atmosphere.
It is not better to be in any old relationship than not be in one. Be alone, build yourself and be happy with your children

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 09-Aug-15 19:21:56

Are you not married then?

TheHobbit Sun 09-Aug-15 19:29:21

Would you stay with him and give it another chance if he promises to change or do you actually want to leave him or are you testing him to see whether he wants you or not?

Bogeyface Sun 09-Aug-15 19:32:33

I wouldnt wait until the baby is born.

I very much doubt that this man will be able to live in anyway amicably with you until after the birth, and then what? You have to find somewhere to live and move with a newborn as well as a young child. Far easier to do it now when it is just the two of you, and you can get your new home ready for the baby in advance.

I assume you are not married if you have no legal right to the house. If you are married then you do in fact have a legal right to stay there as it is a marital asset, it makes no difference who's name its in, although the length of the marriage may affect any settlement.

chickenfuckingpox Sun 09-Aug-15 19:33:08

the adult thing to do would be to pack your kids up and leave now

LoveLetters Sun 09-Aug-15 19:33:46

I can hear him downstairs now imitating my voice and calling me a bitter bitch. I really don't like him. I don't know who he is anymore... I don't like the person I am anymore. Im totally serious.

tallwivglasses Sun 09-Aug-15 21:22:21

Coke is a nasty nasty drug. It changes people. And he's changed you because you're reacting to his dickheadedness rather than showing your best side (which you would in a nurturing, loving relationship). You're doing the right thing - for you and DC. Well done you!

afreshstartplease Sun 09-Aug-15 21:27:01

Well done op

LoveLetters Mon 10-Aug-15 07:02:35

Yes he read the message but didn't respond. Came to bed this morning. And yes, I've changed because I'm always having to deal with his shit and I just want to be me again. I've been dealing with some drama of his since 2008 and I'm fed up now.

LoveLetters Mon 10-Aug-15 08:16:26

And what's hilarious again is that I've been up with kids since 6:30 and he's still in bed asleep.

Jan45 Mon 10-Aug-15 11:04:24

Two top of the list reasons to not be with him:
He's a druggie
He's exposing your kids to his aggressive outbursts

You know what you need to do, will be worth it.

tipsytrifle Mon 10-Aug-15 13:13:30

Perhaps you should get some legal advice as to whether, at this point, you have any right to stay due to the DC? I don't mean take his house from him or anything like that, just for the short term. If you've made it clear your relationship is over, I see no reason why he would do anything other than escalate his drug use and nasty behaviour. I guess it would be wildly over-optimistic of me to think he might leave for a while until you can get alternative housing sorted out?

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