hi im posting this for a friend she was recently attacked by her partner resulting in a concussion this happened after a night out so both were drunk and this was the first time its happened and he was arrested, social services came out to see her they checked her fridge, cupboard and kids bedrooms she spoke to her 3year old daughter and asked her to show her tooth brush and asked her if she was scared (kids were not in house when the incident happened) she also said that her youngest should not have a pillow in his cot even tho he's almost 2, she has also stated that her partner is not allowed in the house when kids r there and he has to be supervised by his mum when he wants to c them........... personally i think this social worker is taking things to far as she was the victim and she now feels like there making her out to be a bad parent....has anyone else had a similar situation????
They were both drunk when the assault occurred. it's this fact which is making SS interested in whether the children are being neglected. If the home was clean and orderly, food in the cupboards, and clean linens on their beds then they are likely not being neglected due to the parents being piss-heads. SS don't have the time or the inclination to assign blame to either parent, but are solely concerned with the children's safety and security. if your friend is feeling judged then she needs to examine her relationship with alcohol as well as the one she has with the partner.
"She has also stated that her partner is not allowed in the house when kids r there and he has to be supervised by his mum when he wants to c them"
If SS had judged her and found her wanting you can be absolutely certain that both parents would be seeing the children under the same conditions.
In cases of dv there is often abuse and manipulation going on behind the scenes which is not readily apparent and is difficult for the victim to admit. There may be a fear that he will return, perhaps insist on unsupervised access by making threats to her in which case a safeguarding protocol will be followed. Your opinion is not what is important, support your friend and encourage her to cooperate with ss and the police if they are investigating with a view to prosecuting.
ok people r obviously not understanding me they had the kids minded for the night so him and her went out which every parent does every once in a while so no they r not piss heads unfortunatly things turned nasty and now she is being treated like she has done something wrong
She isn't being treated like she's done something wrong. Social services have a duty to protect her children. They need to be sure she is not going to let this man be alone with them, or allow him to live in the house. They also have to make sure that this incident isn't part of a wider problem.
i never said i didnt understand how serious her injuries r what im saying is that she was the victim and ss have came into her house and made her feel like the abuser for example checking the kids have tooth brushes, checking she has food,checking there bedrooms, saying that her youngest shouldnt have a pillow in his cot and questioning her 3 year old
She isn't being treated like she has done something wrong at all. Her partner seriously attacked her, they are simply checking the children are ok and that the abuse in the family does not extend into the children's lives. That's their job. What would you/her have them do?
People who give their partners concussion don't tend to be able to turn it off in other situations so social services are being careful. Would you rather they took the attitude that being given concussion by your partner is fine and dandy?
Children who are exposed to domestic violence suffer, they don;t have to be hit to be damaged by it.
I am 50, I have been single all my life, I have had various partners not one of them has ever given me concussion or even come close. It is unusual behaviour and one SS see all the time and it's generally not a sign of a happy stable relationship where everything is going swimmingly.
The one year old shouldn't really have a pillow either, one year old children young enough to sleep in a cot shouldn't have a pillow which is a suffocation risk BUT no-one has made this small piece of advice, on something fairly trivial, into a big thing apart from you or her. It's not nice any of it but she should be angry with the person who gave her a concussion and not the people who have to check on her DC welfare as a result.
I really can't see what your issue is here She has a partner who has been extremely violent to her. They need to be sure the children won't be exposed to any violence in future. By the way the supervised contact won't be forever, just awhile they do an assessment and make recommendations about work they can both do to reduce the risk.
OP, you are so missing the point. SS are aware this man physically abuses the woman. They are making sure he isn't abusing the kids as well by denying them food, a proper bedroom and toothbrushes, etc.
It sounds to me as though SS are trying to protect your friend and her children. They obviously thought the house was pretty safe although it must have felt intrusive at the time. Of course he shouldn't have unsupervised contact, and of course your friend shouldn't provide the supervision.
An under-two doesn't need a pillow (proportionally big head still) so the suffocation risk outweighs the aesthetic benefit. I imagine it was a throwaway comment and she must be doing very well if that's the only remark they made about the house! Reassuring surely!
Good luck to her. You can support her in staying away from him. Their relationship is no good for either of them nor for the children, even if he isn't the kind of violent brute who belongs in prison.
"ok people r obviously not understanding me they had the kids minded for the night so him and her went out which every parent does every once in a while so no they r not piss heads unfortunately things turned nasty and now she is being treated like she has done something wrong"
What would you have the police do? Know that violence has taken place where children live and not mentioned it to anyone? Social Services don't know the parents. They don't know that this was a first occurence of violence in the childrens' home. Often where physical abuse happens, it's not the first time and not always when the children are absent. it's sometimes a pattern, which is why the children were questioned and asked if they were afraid.
I think SS have behaved in an exemplary fashion but if it suits your friend to present herself as a victim, then so be it.