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Feeling lost, lonely and fed up

(10 Posts)
LucyBabs Sun 09-Aug-15 17:47:06

I'm sat here by myself dp gone to see his Elderly dad and the DC are playing outside.

My Sundays used to consist of dinner with my brothers and sisters, nieces, nephews and my parents.
Now there's just me dp and our dc, nothing wrong with that as such obviously!

My parents died 2 years ago and since then my large family has fallen apart.

It's true we were never best of friends but we were there for each other.

It came to light that the eldest took money from my dad when he was dying, this caused murder and most of us don't speak to him.

The sister I was most close with and who I helped through a EA relationship disclosed to me that she knew our brother had sexually abused me as a child she actually witnessed it.
I've also since found out that my Mam had been told but did nothing about it sad

I assumed my sister would be supportive and possibly help me to either confront my brother or go the police. No, she actually told my sisters that I needed to "get over it" "it happened years ago" "i was making it a bigger deal than it actually was"
I asked her why she was saying these things but she talked her way out of it. All i wanted was her to be honest to my face and not talk to my sisters about it.

It got worse as the months went on and I then heard she was in contact with my abuser as she "felt sorry for him"

I feel so let down by all of them, I am the youngest and its like they're using me as the scapegoat,
while my brother is living his normal life with no consequences. I am still trying to get the courage to report what he did.

I have started therapy recently so I'm hoping eventually I will move on from this and be happy.

I just feel so lonely even though I have dp, dc and a few good friends.

I just can't believe it's all turned out this way I miss my parents and siblings so much but we were such a disfunctional family what exactly am I missing? It was all lies..

Dp has no family either and I feel scared like a little kid in the world with no one to look out for me.

It's such a mess and I feel so sad. I don't know what I'm doing half the time just bumbling through life being miserable..

Sorry for the pity party just feeling particularly down today

goddessofsmallthings Sun 09-Aug-15 17:59:49

flowers honey. You've got a hard row to hoe and you will find support here.

The best cure for feeling down is to get out into the fresh air. Go play with your dc while the sun's still shining and build a bank of childhood memories for them that they'll be able to draw on in their adult lives without fear of it having been a crock of shit of the type that's been the cause of your low mood today.

LucyBabs Sun 09-Aug-15 18:08:54

Thanks goddess I feel guilty when I have a pity party as I am so lucky to have a supportive dp and my beautiful dc. I never take that for granted

goddessofsmallthings Sun 09-Aug-15 18:18:58

Guilt is a wasted emotion as you have nothing to feel guilty for and it isn't your fault that your biological family was/is dysfunctional.

I've always found that a good wallow works wonders, but you're best advised to allow yourself no more than 15 minutes a day when the dc are not around/have gone bed to indulge to in a self-pity fest. If you haven't got a lock on your bedroom door, block book the bathroom for 10pm every night smile

LucyBabs Sun 09-Aug-15 18:23:54

grin goddess Thanks so much, you've put a smile on my face

glasshouses88 Sun 09-Aug-15 18:29:02

I just to want to give you a big mumsnet hug.
I've never been through anything like this so I can't offer much in the way of advice.
But I think how your feeling is probably a normal response to a horrific situation. No one has recognised what you've been through in a way, and as such it must make it extremely difficult to find peace, to feel redeemed.
Be easy on yourself and know it's OK to feel how you do. You have nothing to feel guilty about

LucyBabs Sun 09-Aug-15 18:45:18

glasshouse flowers
You have summed it up perfectly No one has recognised what you've been through

I'm not asking them to fix me or make it have not happened. It's just been swept under the carpet. It seems they are hoping it'll go away so they don't have to deal with it.

I'm working through this in therapy but its early days and if anything reliving and talking out loud about it makes it more real and so hurtful

glasshouses88 Sun 09-Aug-15 19:32:59

But talking out loud and telling someone can maybe be linked to ripping off a plaster on hairy arms, it bloody hurts but for the wound to air and heal it needs to be done.
Maybe after therapy is established you could arrange a meeting with your siblings and say it all out loud to them? Just do whatever you have to in order to make peace.
You are not worthless or an inanimate object, you are strong mother who, all things considered, is not asking for very much at all on order to feel better after a horrible damaging time.
They are in the wrong, not you.
Maybe they can't face what has actually happened and what they knew, maybe they are scared of your brother or of a mark against the family name....maybe 1 day you will find out the reasoning behind the unwillingness to face this with you

LucyBabs Sun 09-Aug-15 23:10:13

glasshouse yeas I definitely think they are afraid of a mark against the family name. They I think are ashamed to have someone like my brother in the family. Ashamed what their friends might think.
One of my sisters didn't even tell her dh why my brother was uninvited to a family event after this all came out.

Are you a counsellor? You have a great insight. Your words have meant a lot to me tonight.
Thank you flowers

glasshouses88 Mon 10-Aug-15 09:47:56

Well lucybabs I think your sister being unable to tell her dh why your brother was not invited to a family event says a lot....it confirms she knows what your brother did was wrong and also that she was ashamed of it. So that in itself is a tiny tiny gesture of some sort, even if it wasn't directed at you.

No I'm not a counsellor (it don't want to disappoint you!) But I can just imagine that deep seated feeling of being in a room.with everybody shouting and you can only muster a whisper so nobody can hear you flowers

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