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Is Emotional Intelligence important, and if so why?

(12 Posts)
viridus Sun 09-Aug-15 12:47:59

Only in my latter life I have become aware of the importance of having emotional intelligence.
When I was growing up I was not made aware of it, no one used to talk about it nor was it in the media etc.
It seems that people who are more emotionally aware have happier lives.
I am just wondering what other mums netters think about this.

InTheBox Sun 09-Aug-15 12:57:11

It really depends what sort of thing you mean. Emotional intelligence covers all manner of things. I wouldn't imagine it's something you'd read about in the news or whatever but more something that develops based on your interactions with others. It also depends heavily on your personality type. I'd consider myself to have quite a high level of EI but that hasn't always translated in having very successful relationships with others.

TheMarxistMinx Sun 09-Aug-15 14:39:29

I did a test once that showed I had very low emotional intelligence. At the time I was working in social work and I was training to be a counselor. I have a huge ability to empathise with people around me, to the point that I have to make a conscious decision to switch off. The ability to choose when/how/why and with whom I would engage on an emotional level has saved me from feeling overwhelmed. I find it tiring to try all of the time, so no it isn't for me something that is natural, or an intelligence, but rather a set of skills that can be learnt. All of my relationships have been long and friendships have lasted for years.

Joysmum Sun 09-Aug-15 14:46:32

I find it important to me because I can't always be in the place I need to to make allowances.

My DH loves and would never intentionally do anything to hurt me, he still does though and I can't always deal with that as maturely as I'd like.

His stick response is 'I didn't do it on purpose' to which mine is 'I know but that doesn't make it hurt any less'.

Itd be a lot easier if he could just know to avoid me being hurt, him being hurt that he's hurt me and then us both feeling upset and guilty because we've hurt each other.

Getuhda348 Sun 09-Aug-15 15:14:25

Yes I think it is. My dh can sometimes be very hurtful but he honestly has no clue as to why it's hurtful. He struggles to understand others emotions so seems distant or cold. In reality he works in a very caring profession and is the most loving man I have ever met.

viridus Sun 09-Aug-15 15:19:31

Thank you for your responses.

I guess what I am thinking by "Emotional Intelligence", - it's definition, is how much one is aware of your own emotions, ie how you are feeling at the present moment. How much you are "in charge" of your emotions at any time, and how you are aware of another's emotion.

Probably, do you give your emotions importance in your life, and what part they play in it.
I think about a bad relationship when my partner ignored my feelings/emotions, that in turn "made" me ignore mine, if you see what I mean. Whereas if I had been more aware of my own emotions at the time I think I would have worked out why the relationship was not working. Well perhaps not aware, but how to deal with what I was aware of.

Also in the instances of school bullying, the bullies are aware of the emotional hurt they are causing. Maybe they have high emotional intelligence to be able to ignore what they are doing.

Intheprocess Sun 09-Aug-15 15:54:12

This is interesting: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_intelligence

And this is the part that reflects my thoughts: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_intelligence#Cannot_be_recognized_as_form_of_intelligence

Personally, I'd just call it emotional maturity.

Joysmum Sun 09-Aug-15 16:20:54

The other thing of course that's an issue in our relationship is that as much as I'm more aware of others, I'm not entirely aware of my own feelings. I've got a numbers of problems I'm only now begging to understand now I'm getting precessional help. If I don't understand me, DH won't be able to either do I can't expect him to.

viridus Sun 09-Aug-15 16:33:08

Joys mum- I am finding this too, that to understand your own self is important. It is then that others will understand. It may also have some relation with setting our individual boundaries too.

viridus Sun 09-Aug-15 16:39:01

Intheprocess, yes that's a good definition, "Emotional Maturity".

I think it's probably a skill that you learn as you grow from parents, sadly lacking from my childhood. Hopefully not too late to learn now though.

mintpoppet Sun 09-Aug-15 20:08:45

I don't think it needs a label. Being a decent human being who understands others is important. It doesn't need to be called anything.

britneyspearscatsuit Sun 09-Aug-15 21:02:01

If you're lost in a maze then a sense of direction is important. If you're tring to solve a maths quiz then matehmatical intelligence is important.

I persoanlly think no quality is more important as a human being than emotional intelligence. It's what allows us to take life's lessons and learn from them, it's what gives us empathy, it's what helps us analyse how we feel and use it. Without it I don't think we evolve.

Plenty of people go through life without any emotional intelligence and they are fabulously happy. But their kids aren't. Or their wives. Because it's a bit like being around a child in an adults body.

Emotional intelligence is not something you're born with, I think it's somethign you choose.

You can choose to just do whatever the fuck you like over and over again and to hell with everyone, or you can do the hard work of analysing and looking at yourself and the effect you have on other people, the quality of your relationships and how you are growing and learning.

I think everyone here on MN has emotional intelligence - because they are here, talking, asking, wanting to learn or to help. The desire to be better, to ask "AIBU???" is enough to be a start.

To me this i what emotional intelligence is. A desire to be the best human being you can be -even if it sometimes means hard work or changing its of yourself which are not functional.

Many people completely lack the ability to not only see themselves, but to change themselves. And many would prefer to blame everyone else for everything wrong in their lives.

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