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trying again

(8 Posts)
dippyd123 Sun 09-Aug-15 12:15:50

Hello, I posted the other day but I think due to my rambling even I ended up confused by post confused I should really add some background for people who dont know what im on about but think if I do ill end up going off on one again smile

So basically been on and off with a guy for various reasons it hasnt been working out despite both of us having strong feelings for each other. Ive actually posted a number of times and ive had mixed advice in the past so anyway Friday night we decided to have a meet up to try and talk about things, both admitted we miss each other but at end of the day this yoyoing isnt doing any of us any good. I explained I was a bit baffled by his need to walk out everytime the going gets tough rather than work things out and he said he didnt realise it was making him look an arse doing that....he had been in a complicated on and off relationship for a long time and my suspicions are that this could be the reason.

So anyway after a very long heart to heart we are giving it ago and he confided in me regarding him having depression and his problems with drugs when he was younger (which i knew about anyway) and is due to start councilling something I was pretty shocked about I mean I knew he had some self esteem issues and is always very down on himself. So we ended the night falling asleep on the sofa cuddling.

So We arranged to see each other again last night and as my children slept out I let him sleep over all the other times weve been pretty passionate and hes been very into sex but last night after a lot of kissing cuddling and foreplay he turned me down and said he wants to take it slow like we agreed I went to sleep feeling pretty rejected although he was been pretty effectionate with me in other ways. I woke to find him stroking my arm with a big grin spent the morning cuddling then he said he had to go home and get changed to go pick his kids up

I am feeling none the wiser, I dont know if im just expecting too much or what? Im not usually like this in relationships hes really got under my skin

dippyd123 Tue 11-Aug-15 17:13:36

Just commenting again as not feeling as confident about things as I should I guess. We have had a lot of contact via phone, txt and skype this last couple days and im suddenly feeling like a councillor rather than a gf (a gf where supposed to be going slow) Im really happy hes found the confidence to talk to me before I felt like he was always holding things back.

Im not one for asking people I know for advice but this morning been chatting through things in passing with my mum who has basically told me that once hes feeling happy with himself he will be off if something better comes along and at the moment im like a stand by councillor with benefits - mother has a downer on everything and usually ignore her but its just added to my other list of concerns

Im not really sure what sort of responces Im after but just feel like need to talk about things...the sensible half of me is saying run for the hills but then I just love been with him when all the issues are put to the side we have a laugh together, share same interests just feel really comfortable round him im not the most confident person ever have so many hang ups all hes made me feel dont matter when im with him, he makes me feel like im the most beautiful girl in the world (i know its a cliche) but never had that before

In 5 years since splitting from my last serious ex ive never dated a guy who ive felt anything for or ive actually felt I wanted a future with and think thats why im feeling so confused im not easilly won over by men usually

Sorry for moaning again xx

Jan45 Tue 11-Aug-15 17:45:05

He sounds a bit of a drama queen, foreplay and then no sex???

Why has it been off and on, what's the problem?

How long you been dating?

dippyd123 Tue 11-Aug-15 18:02:38

Well tbh wouldnt even call it foreplay we both had bit of a "play" with each other during kissing and then he stopped it said thought taking it slow, but I honestly did feel rejected. We agreed before hand that we would be taking it slow, I asked if he wanted to stay over I guess I expected too much but if he was so botherd why not say before getting into bed?

Its been on and off because we were just struggling to get passed certain issues eg making time for each other, hes very insecure aswell. Plus when we met he was on and off with someone and i guess aswell im worrying im going to be an on and off thing as thats what hes been used to.

Started dating properly back end of February then split for a few weeks

Jan45 Tue 11-Aug-15 18:05:54

Sounds like hard work to me tbh, plus is he even capable of committing, not so sure. You've only been together 1.5 years and it's like this

goddessofsmallthings Tue 11-Aug-15 18:14:16

Plus when we met he was on and off with someone and i guess aswell im worrying im going to be an on and off thing as thats what hes been used to.

It sounds more like it's you that's become accustomed to being used and you're deluding yourself in imagining that his feelings for you are as strong as yours are for him.

What does 'dating properly' mean? Him staying over and doing the deed when his relationship with his regular gf was in the 'off' position?

It seems that in this instance your dm knows best and it won't end well if you fail to heed her advice.

dippyd123 Tue 11-Aug-15 19:29:57

Jan - thats my worry he cant commit he is very insecure and from what hes told me i dont blame him ive been same in the past hence not commiting to a relationship in 5 years until now. I agree its hard work although usually when together kind of forget everything its just after and im alone things start worrying me

dippyd123 Tue 11-Aug-15 19:40:44

Goddess - ive been single 5 years practically so no not used to been used sad i admit fallen for him bad style but i know when to cut my losses this will be the 3rd and last time. I do believe he has feelings for me.

Well dating properly meant From first date etc known each other before that but never acted on attraction while he was with hia ex.

I do appreciate your views like said i dont know what response im after just want to get things sorted in my head x

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