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Confused by DH

(44 Posts)
RuffDiamond Sat 08-Aug-15 22:54:15

Hi all, am finding it difficult to sleep tonight because of DH.

I went out for the day and returned home to find DH had a friend over and was having a BBQ. I sat down and joined in instantly chatting to DH and his friend.

As the hours wore on, I could see DH was getting irritated and started tidying up and withdrawing from the BBQ. He looked annoyed and when I asked him what was wrong he would say nothing. But say nothing as though I was lazy and did literally nothing. I hadn't done nothing as I cleared away all the food and plates of the BBQ, even though I had had nothing to eat. He kept storming off as if he was in a mood and wouldn't engage with me.

His guest eventually got the message and went home, and DH pretty much ignored me, and sat in another room.

When I went to discuss what was wrong with him again, he replied nothing and refused to meet eye contact. I said there clearly is somethjng, please tell me. He said he was fed up with people turning up unexpectedly and out staying their welcome. I asked him why I felt like if was my fault, and he said he didn't know. I said because you are making me feel it is with your sulkiness.

I am feeling chilled and disturbed by this and can't sleep. I haven't done anything wrong apart from try and have a nice Saturday in the sunshine.

Not sure what I am asking. Just want feedback I guess.


Epilepsyhelp Sat 08-Aug-15 22:55:51

Well he sounds like a douche. Id be telling him how far out of line he was.

RuffDiamond Sat 08-Aug-15 23:12:23

Thanks epilepsy-it isn't a one off thing. He is always making me feel like this

Morganly Sat 08-Aug-15 23:17:17

Oh dear, he sounds like a nasty bully.

ImperialBlether Sat 08-Aug-15 23:19:51

Was he wanting you to stay indoors while he sat outside with his friend?

RuffDiamond Sat 08-Aug-15 23:21:13

I shouldn't think so imperial, there were our kids running around and it was a hot day!

WallyBantersJunkBox Sun 09-Aug-15 01:39:19

I'm sorry just to understand...the person turning up uninvited...was you?

His wife? In her own home? confused

gamerchick Sun 09-Aug-15 01:41:23

That's how I see it as well confused

RuffDiamond Sun 09-Aug-15 01:41:56

No that wasn't the issue. He was just feeling narky but chose to punish me by withdrawing and sulking.

RuffDiamond Sun 09-Aug-15 01:44:11

The uninvited person was his friend, and his sister showed up at the end. However I heard him invite his sister

DiscoDiva70 Sun 09-Aug-15 01:45:41

Could your DH have got the impression you and his friend were flirting with each other?

TendonQueen Sun 09-Aug-15 01:46:55

OK, so you returning to the house and joining in socialising with his friend made him go into a sulk. That's ridiculous and definitely unreasonable. So next step is: is this a bizarre one off and he's normally great, or is this kind of thing happening more and more lately?

RuffDiamond Sun 09-Aug-15 01:48:44

It is happening more and more tendon.

TendonQueen Sun 09-Aug-15 02:18:44

Has anything changed that could have triggered it? Lost his job etc? Will he talk about it or go to counselling? Has it got to a point where it could became a deal breaker?

TendonQueen Sun 09-Aug-15 02:20:08

Going to bed at this point. Try and get some sleep if you haven't, even if it's in another room.

RuffDiamond Sun 09-Aug-15 02:25:58

Tried counselling. I suggested it, he said he didn't want to do it. At a later date I told him I wanted to move out. He said I had given up on the relationship without giving counselling a go. I booked the counselling, he hesitated again; then when we were at the door of our appointment, he said he was only doing it the once.

TheBakeryQueen Sun 09-Aug-15 08:22:20

To me it looks like he was jealous of you chatting to his friend. If that's the case then he needs to get a grip.

junebirthdaygirl Sun 09-Aug-15 09:41:40

Did he just want to sit and chat with friend on his own? If l have friend over and dh joins us to chat l sometimes have to give him a look which means you can leave us now. If he stayed for hours l wouldn't like it. Was he giving you a hint earlier? But not saying that later is out of order. Does he get in a bad mood when he is around people for too long. He is still out of order as moods stink.

Isetan Sun 09-Aug-15 09:56:54

He's an EA dick and there will always be some situation which he can't cope with which he'll use as a stick to bully you with. There's absolutely nothing you can do about this unpleasant behaviour except decide how much you want to expose yourself to it. If you do want to separate, then this time you'll be wise to his carrot/stick counselling stunt.

I'm sorry your H is being a shit but you can't make someone address behaviour they don't acknowledge.

Hobbitwife001 Sun 09-Aug-15 11:05:23

So he's using the fact that his friend turned up uninvited and overstayed his welcome as a stick to beat you with? WTAF?
How in any way was that your fault? The man's an arse..

RuffDiamond Sun 09-Aug-15 12:54:54

Yes he decided to be off with me and blame me. He said he is fed up if everyone taking the piss out of him all the time. It felt aimed at me.

DieselSpillages Sun 09-Aug-15 12:59:37

Maybe he just wanted to hang out with his friend alone.

RuffDiamond Sun 09-Aug-15 13:03:50

But our kids were there too running in and out.

Should I have stayed indoors on a lovely day?

Also DH sister was there too so it wasn't exclusively him and his friend

LumpySpacedPrincess Sun 09-Aug-15 13:08:29

Do you really need this shit? This is not a way for a grown man to behave.

RuffDiamond Sun 09-Aug-15 13:10:02

No I don't need this shyte. It is difficult to put into words as he hasn't actually ' done ' anything

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