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Help !! I dont want to go back to normal

(10 Posts)
whatisforteamum Sat 08-Aug-15 18:14:26

Ive just had 10 days annual leave.Our DD who is unemployed and now 18 has been away for 3 weeks and Dh and i had 3 days off together visiting relatives.Some we hadnt seen in many yrs.I didnt really contact df who is dying and has just got over a bout of bad illness.knowing he was out of the woods.
Dh was nice to me and it made a real opposite shifts for us, no exhaustion from 13 hr days for either.I usually miss my job badly however with moral so low and one boss on my back a fair bit and says some dreadful things ive ignored for ages or just moaned about on here.
The thing is i dont want to go work i feel tired just thinking about it,to worrying when Df will die and Dm tbh.To sleeping downstairs as dh snores to being spoken to in a disrespectful way by DH or my boss (who has been reported nothing happened though).
To rowing with Dd about getting a job and now she has changed her mind about college.Eventhough i have put on 5lbs the last couple of weeks eating the same just not dashing about like a fool.
On a positive note i do have an interview sunday its just now ive had a few w ends off i realise what im missing by working them.I had a week sick when Df was ill now my hols and ive come to a standstill..yes i am a grown woman i do need a kick up the bum though or advice on moving forward.

nequidnimis Sat 08-Aug-15 18:38:14

It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate, but can you divide up all of the stresses and tackle them one at a time?

Personally I would be prioritising the job situation and your relationship with DH.

It sounds like you got on better without the work stresses, so looking for another job should come first, and it sounds like you've made a start on that.

In the meantime, could you find a way to stay in the same bed despite his snoring, earplugs? And set aside regular days/weekends away together, since you enjoyed this trip so much.

In the meantime I think you need to stop arguing with your DD and give her a deadline by which she needs to be in full time education or work, though she might need some support to do that.

I'm sorry about your parents, I think you will continue to worry about them and that can't be changed.

whatisforteamum Sat 08-Aug-15 19:03:40

Thank you yes we were letting DD make her own mind up and realise it isnt easy to know what you want to do when you leave school however over a yr later and i am struggling to make her get up and get on with things.My work has kept my mind occupied tbh and some say im a workaholic howe ver since dh had his heart attack in 2013 he decided last yr he came first..
So we went out 2 days in the whole yr together.He also now has a bad temper which he was getting help for so sometimes he is hard to live with.It wa so lovely he made an effort to go where i wanted,We have missed lots since he worked sats for 10 yrs and i work fri eve and sunday for many too.
Weirdly i was better getting on with it all now i dont want to be insulted (most of the younger workmates have great respect for me).I cant face the slog either one guy said he feels like killing himself he hates the job so much.I dont feel that bad just a bit overwhelmed and isolated as i much older than everyone now.
Definately not the best timing to start a new job as im sure i will get it however i feel its probably for the best.

whatisforteamum Sun 09-Aug-15 12:39:56

Well i just popped into work and moral seems low.Now i have had a break i can see it more.I guess being short staffed anyway and me on hols it looks shabby too.I had an interview and have a try out next week for a family run fresh food place.
Dh has reverted to Angry man again!! Uncommunicative and distant then wont say anything of his intentions for the i hate trying to second guess him sat in the bedroom as he has the tv on loud in the sitting room(hospital for hearing aid this week though yay).Back to the eye rolling burping f...g again Lovely.I feel trapped tbh and a bit saddened that this is my life now.Unsure what to do next.sad

Joysmum Sun 09-Aug-15 12:49:03

Your lives aren't suiting either of you.

Have you spoken to him about wonderful the time off was and how different it all is now.

There must be things both of you can change one thing at a time for the better and that will bring relief and hope.

Re your daughter, I'd not be putting up with it. It's one thing to not know what you want to do, another to do nothing. My DD would be expected to take anything, even voluntary and take on most of the chores to earn her keep if she's out of work. I won't have laziness, especially if eve tony else is pulling their weight.

Joysmum Sun 09-Aug-15 12:49:15


whatisforteamum Sun 09-Aug-15 13:20:05

I have suggested voluntary eves w ends whatever however DH doesnt mind that she gets up late or hasnt bothered too much.She can do what she wants in his eyes.He gets up 430 am for work and gets home at 7 i get up 7 and get home midnight.Ds goes to school.TBH she has had a to do list left by me when dh is here he does it all washing cooking a roast ironing pick up the food shop which she helps with.He just is so aggressive at times and wont discuss anything just says i can leave if i dont like it.Seeing him be like his old self (polite and friendly)
I just cant work so hard with no social life avoiding dh as it is easier than trying to persuade him to be bothered with.

Joysmum Sun 09-Aug-15 15:15:02


I don't know what to say. If he won't discuss it so you can identify what it was about being away that made your time together so enjoyable and made the difference compared to everyday life you are going to be able to change anything.

I am pretty strict when it comes to my DD and that's come from my upbringing. I'd have done anything when I was out of work, I did all chores and looking for work was considered my job. I'd have been out on my arse if I hadn't, I think that's fair when both parents are working full time.

It takes 2 to change a marriage though sad

whatisforteamum Sun 09-Aug-15 16:33:11

Same here joysmum i would ve been in deep trouble if i hadnt worked TBH DH doesnt seem as bothered and get cross if i try to discuss this or other issues. Dont get me wrong i am a bit of a workaholic and always getting things done around the home its just being off with DH made me realise what i said all last yr is that its all work and no fun.Neither of us earns much so we work lots of hrs i wont even see him a few days this week while the teens are here.I am quite tempted to leave my job as we have life savings as i feel something drastic needs to give and i know i can easily find work.Part of me wants a new life though away from no affection no conversations now that he has admitted to eating junk food despite his health issues i feel like we are chalk and cheese.Makes me feel v alone Dfs illness has just made me stick at pointless situations feeling a roof over my head was for the i want more.

whatisforteamum Mon 10-Aug-15 08:04:26

Today should shed some light for me.I return to work and i have a trial for the new job just down the road on sat.I do have life savings if all else fails.Dh is another thing though blowing hot and cold.One thing is for sure i am not working silly hrs with being disrespected and absolutely no social life. Now ive had a break i see how bad things are.

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