Please please help me enjoy being me again, not someone else, and stop my paranoia?

[whydelilh]

My life is no different in theory to those around me who I admire and want to be like. So why do I feel lonely and paranoid, and why do I want to be someone else?

I have a good job that interests me (the type of job that other people are impressed by and are interested in as well). I have enough money to do a few of the things that I enjoy, but not enough to make me ungrateful for what I have. My family, although they irritate me sometimes, are always there for me and we speak nearly every day. I am by no meals model material, but I don't find it hard to find men to chat to (have been online dating and met some great people - just not the right one yet). I have the ability to make people laugh and think I have a good sense of humour - I can laugh at myself as well!

BUT, for some reason, I am obsessed with being like other people and I feel paranoid that people are talking about me in a bad way. A while ago I had a fall out with a friend who thought I hadnt made an effort for a long time, and it blew up and sort of resolved but we keep our distance (mainly because we live far apart). I feel like our mutual friends dislike me, though they have not said this and they still talk to me. I have no evidence that they dislike me but I often feel like people are talking about me in a bad way and laughing at me.

Secondly, I tend to become obsessed with certain people I am friends with or that I know. I will look them up on facebook and talk to them and just wish I had their life and imagine their life beyond the things they have told me and I imagine it is amazing. And I don't know why because mostly their life is the same as mine - similar jobs and similar looks and so on. I dont get why I feel like this.

I have been single since January and I am 29. I feel very isolated because of this and all my friends are in relationships. Maybe that is something to do with it, I dont know.

Please help me to enjoy being me again, not someone else, and to stop having such paranoid thoughts.

[VaviaVive]

Seek therapy. It'll help you change the way you think. I'm currently in it and it's doing wonders for my mental health. It'll make you challenge your thought processes. You seem like the kind of person it'd work for too, because you can self reflect really well

[whydelilh]

Thanks for your reply I will look into that :)

Anyone else have any advice. Hate these thoughts.

[Atenco]

I feel like our mutual friends dislike me, though they have not said this and they still talk to me. I have no evidence that they dislike me but I often feel like people are talking about me in a bad way and laughing at me

I was like that for a long time because I was so severely bullied in secondary school. In my case what helped me was when I got a group of friends who never, ever talked about people behind their backs.

Sorry, not very helpful but I know how it feels

[whydelilh]

Thank you your message is appreciated

[thornrose]

It sounds a bit like a form of anxiety or even depression, leading to obsessive/paranoid thoughts.

[pallasathena]

Why do you want to fit in so much? What's wrong with just being you? Are you afraid of being an individual? a bit eccentric even? Or perhaps its more about conforming to a certain status quo?

Sounds as if you're too dependent on others opinions of you and lack the confidence to just be yourself and love yourself - warts and all!