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Online dating - met a guy. He's married. Please help me contain my rage.

(31 Posts)
JanuaryKat Fri 07-Aug-15 20:31:40

That says most of it really. Apologies in advance for typos.
The wife, understandably is gunning for me.
I didn't know he was married until his wife messaged me.
His first response was to message me & give me a diff mob no to contact him on. He says it's a 'cycle' she goes through.
I don't want to drip feed but need to go & calm down

takenlikeafool Fri 07-Aug-15 20:33:55

Fuck. Have you told the wife you had no clue?

Also, how has this been going on for?

Finally, breathe! It's better now you know x

woowoo22 Fri 07-Aug-15 20:34:10

Ewwww. What a twat (him). What are you going to do?

WorzelsCornyBrows Fri 07-Aug-15 20:35:44

How awful for you!

I think you have every right to defend yourself to the wife and explain that her husband is the only person she should be angry at and you are also angry having not previously been aware of his marital status. Also, tell her the new number he's given you.

Text him, tell him how disgusted you are in him and then block all numbers. Don't get drawn into a conversation, you owe it to yourself to rid yourself of this man.

ARV1981 Fri 07-Aug-15 20:40:13


JanuaryKat Fri 07-Aug-15 20:41:05

The wife has been trying to phone me. She has sent a nessage via Facebook to tell me what a disgusting person I am. She is under the impression I am married (I'm not) - I have children & she has obviously looked at my FB profile.

JanuaryKat Fri 07-Aug-15 20:44:17

Hahaha (sarcastic nervous laugh)
I am now described as 'bad pussy' by one of his friends. Said (married) friend I recognise from the same dating website angry

lighteningirl Fri 07-Aug-15 20:45:34

Well she has zero right to be angry at you he is the lying scumbag and she is the enabling idiot. That would be my attitude tell her to do one you are the injured party, how dare she call you names!!!

maybebabybee Fri 07-Aug-15 20:46:16

I would message his wife back and put her straight OP! Her twat husband is the person she should be blaming, not you.

JanuaryKat Fri 07-Aug-15 20:51:21

He has messaged to thank me for keeping quiet thus far.
His story to DW is I pursued him. We share a hobby (we bloody well don't) I was very interested & he offered to help/teach me ######viking combat#####

maybebabybee Fri 07-Aug-15 20:53:10

How the hell are you not messaging his wife back

I genuinely don't understand why you wouldn't :s

If nothing else she ought to know what a fucker she married

saltnpepa Fri 07-Aug-15 20:54:46

Block them all, this is their family problem not your problem. I think you can just walk away from this one and leave them all to it.

butterflygirl15 Fri 07-Aug-15 21:11:35

tighten your facebook settings so she can't see anything, and then tell her the facts and block her.

JanuaryKat Fri 07-Aug-15 21:18:41

They've all blocked me. With the message that I am many a man's downfall.
I hope that's the end of it.
I didn't tell the wife because they have 4 DCs.

woowoo22 Fri 07-Aug-15 21:20:34


I would have told her. He sounds like an utter shit.

foxmitten Fri 07-Aug-15 21:23:23

"I must apologise for my part in this. You may choose to believe me or not but for what it's worth your husband informed me he was single when we met on a dating site. There is no shared interest and he has not been helping me with anything, other than how to spot a lying, cheating arsewipe. I do hope you can direct your ire to the person who deserves it." Then block. But not before sending her screenshots of the messages where he thanks you for keeping quiet. And any where he pursued you, if you have them.

Then move on. He won't be the last.

JanuaryKat Fri 07-Aug-15 21:24:59

Urggh the major thing that's REALLY pissing me off is her 'shame on you & your poor children having a mother like you' I am a disgrace... blaaaa .... blaaaaa
& then being slagged off by their male friends who were on the dating website - these guys have wives, girlfriends - their complete f*****ing arrogance

SoozeyHoozey Fri 07-Aug-15 21:27:14

Completely disengage from both of them. Block/delete everything. Don't respond.

pocketsaviour Fri 07-Aug-15 21:31:21

He says it's a 'cycle' she goes through.

That sounds like a Jeremy Kyle episode waiting to happen.

Horrible experience for you - but I think you'll count it a lucky escape?

ChilliAndMint Fri 07-Aug-15 21:38:56

Yep, I understand what you are going through.

Haven't had the wife message me but the ones who appear to be the most normal often are. I use 192 and genes reunited to check them out first.

He does this regularly hence his wife's cyber vigilance.

Not involve with a married man ( as far as I know) but someone who I think might be romantically involved with someone else, See my depressing thread.

It's worth cyber stalking them to the hilt, I know that sounds sad but you can't take anyone on their word alone.

JanuaryKat Fri 07-Aug-15 22:00:07

Chilli - how depressing ....
I think it's safer & more fulfilling to adopt a box of kittens, or rats ..... or even spiders .....

lotsoffunandgames Fri 07-Aug-15 22:04:31

If it were me I would have told her the truth regardless of the kids.she deserves to know. Otherwise she will waste more time on this many other women have there been.on a bloody dating website when you are married ffs!

JanuaryKat Fri 07-Aug-15 22:16:50

If it hadn't spiralled into so much slagging off & hatred towards me I would let it pass.
One of my friends has told me DW has put out a request to find an archery teacher.
I'll sleep on it.

butterflygirl15 Fri 07-Aug-15 22:18:02

I would get a friend to message her and tell her the truth tbh.

Why does she want an archery teacher?

WorzelsCornyBrows Fri 07-Aug-15 22:19:16

Jeez, she sounds unhinged. I guess she's planning to forgive her husband though. Just blame the OW and everything will be fine confused

I think you need to say something to put an end to the public character assassination.

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