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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I think he's going to propose

31 replies

AtSea1979 · 07/08/2015 19:45

We've been together 18 months. We are going away this wkend to a place that is special to us. We've had a few financial problems and they are finally coming to an end next month. We've had a few problems but they have settled now and things are on the up.
I dont know what I'm going to say if he does ask. I never thought I'd trust again but this time it's different and I feel ready.
I don't know what I'm going to say if he doesn't ask. I think it'll confirm we both want different things and aren't right together.

OP posts:

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CMOTDibbler · 07/08/2015 19:48

If he doesn't ask, then why not ask him? He might be waiting for you!

BeyondDespair · 07/08/2015 20:09

Why do you think he will propose AtSea?

Findtheoldme · 07/08/2015 20:13

I thought DH was going to propose on a weekend away. He didn't. I did nothing. What do you mean you don't know what you will do if he doesn't ask you, is there going to be a consequence if he doesn't propose?

TopOfTheCliff · 07/08/2015 20:20

Ooh AtSea what an exciting weekend you have ahead!
One year ago my DP surprised me by proposing to me out of the blue. We were having an outdoor adventure and had got lost and he was so pleased I didn't blame him he just got carried away. Our lives were still quite complicated and there were things that needed sorting out before I could truly be sure I want to spend the rest of my life with him but once he asked I knew there was no going back. I had to say yes! But now a year later we have finally solved all the problems and I can truly say I am thrilled I am going to marry him and be "as one"!!
It is a leap of faith you are about to make. I hope it works out for you x

AtSea1979 · 07/08/2015 21:16

Yeah bubbling with optimism. Though DP has just walked through the door on a downer! We are going away tomorrow. Typical!

OP posts:

AtSea1979 · 07/08/2015 21:16

I know he won't have a ring. We can't really afford one. So maybe I'm wrong. Though he knows I'd want to choose it myself anyway.

OP posts:

TokenGinger · 07/08/2015 23:13

I don't know what I'm going to say if he doesn't ask. I think it'll confirm we both want different things and aren't right together.

Chill out. You've been together 18 months. 550 days. Hardly a long time. Many people do get engaged after this amount of time, but many more do not. It can take years to get to know somebody to the point where you know you want to marry them.

Just because he doesn't propose to you this weekend doesn't mean you want different things. It just means he isn't ready to get married yet.

Only1scoop · 07/08/2015 23:15

No pressure on him then.

Why do you think he will propose?

Fishwives · 07/08/2015 23:20

OP, it sounds as if you have a narrative all planned out in your head - nice weekend away, financial and other problems solved, eighteen months together, bingo! Proposal time! But this might not be the way he sees it. It wasn't an obvious next step to me from anything you said - I thought from the title that you'd come upon him ordering one of those 'Lazy Proposal Packages' where some exhausted chambermaid gets to sprinkle rose petals on your hotel bed, or caught him staring meaningfully into jewellery shop windows...

Cabrinha · 08/08/2015 00:27

If he doesn't propose it confirms you aren't right together?
Love, I mean this kindly as well as in jest - are you old enough to be dating?!
Chill.
And if you want to marry him (though 18 months is quick to really know someone) then just ask him.

cocobean2805 · 08/08/2015 08:29

Agree with what pp have said. No offence meant atsea but you need to chill out a bit. You've decided that if he doesn't propose this weekend then obviously you want different things from life?! Calm down! There's no time frame on getting engaged! And just because you've decided you want him to propose this weekend doesn't mean he will by any means! And if you've only just got past some hard times, and he couldn't afford a ring and he knows you'd want to choose one yourself anyway, he's got no chance of pleasing you! Please don't be disappointed if he doesn't propose, it will ruin your entire (what is supposed to be lovely) weekend. And whatever you do, don't, on Sunday night, if he hasn't asked you say "well I thought you were going to propose!" Because he may not be ready for that yet OR he may be planning a surprise proposal down the line.

AtSea1979 · 08/08/2015 19:02

I know what you mean. I guess it's just something I'm ready for and hope he is too and I'm beginning to wonder if he wants the same things as me generally.
He's been procrastinating a lot recently about the future hence me thinking he might. But no sign as yet. A few ah this is the life type comments, that's all.

OP posts:

Happytuesdays99 · 08/08/2015 19:11

You have had money problems and other problems already. I'd be tempted to wait a bit to be honest.

AtSea1979 · 09/08/2015 14:37

I was wrong. I know it's a non issue but I can't help but feel sad.

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 09/08/2015 14:41

Don't have these expectations ruining a nice time and making you feel sad Op.

Hope you had a nice time even without the proposal.

ImperialBlether · 09/08/2015 14:43

I'm sorry if you're disappointed. But if he was procrastinating about the future, what made you think he was going to propose?

Cabrinha · 09/08/2015 16:03

What are the problems that have now settled? Life problems or relationship problems?
I don't think it's a great idea to marry after 18 months, but especially not if there have been issues between you.

I know lots of people marry happily quickly, but I say why risk it? What's the rush? Take your time. You have nothing to lose by waiting, things to lose by moving too fast.

goddessofsmallthings · 09/08/2015 16:17

I don't know what I'm going to say if he doesn't ask. I think it'll confirm we both want different things and aren't right together

I think you should explore this more thoroughly as a relationship of only 18 months duration is a remarkably short time to have had 'a few financial problems' which, from what you've said, are joint debts rather than having been accrued independently of each other by maxing out a credit card or similar.

Findtheoldme · 09/08/2015 16:24

You've had problems already in quite a short relationship. Give it time! Given you could have 50 years with your husband, 1.5 years is nothing.

eurogoose · 09/08/2015 16:27

I'm beginning to wonder if he wants the same things as me generally.

how about asking him?

AtSea1979 · 09/08/2015 18:51

I did ask him hence why I know now that he isn't planning a proposal. He just said "maybe one day we'll get married maybe in a year I'll ask, maybe in 10 years but however long it takes I want you by my side".
I should have been over the moon as he isn't a man of words and that was major but I couldn't help thinking 'do you really think I'm going to wait that long'.

OP posts:

HelenaJustina · 09/08/2015 18:57

If you are happy together, try to enjoy that without adding extra pressure. A friend of mine spoilt lots of birthdays, holidays, romantic dates, significant days, Christmas' for herself by building up her hopes for a proposal each time. After 5 years her DH did propose, they got married quite quickly and now have a DD. He just took longer to get tree than she did, she says now that if she had chilled out a bit easy to say with hindsight she would have enjoyed those years much more.

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HelenaJustina · 09/08/2015 18:57

There not tree

tvlover1234 · 09/08/2015 19:04

18 months isn't that long of a time.

Me and my OH are buying our first home and I really really would like him to promise somewhere romantic. We have a romantic holiday end of the year but I'm pretty sure he won't propose as we have other priorities.

I certainly would not end it with him if he didn't!!! Lol

tribpot · 09/08/2015 19:07

What exactly did you ask him? Did you ask him to marry you, or did you ask him when he was going to ask you to marry him?

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