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Boyfriend seeing prostitues?!

(47 Posts)
Littlemissgrace Fri 07-Aug-15 14:55:06

Hello, I'm new today, I need help and advice, I am 25 have been with my partner for 6 years nearly, will try to keep it short. He has always had a very keen eye for porn, hours on end he would spend looking at it whilst I'm at work, he has also a keen eye for all women when we are out together, I have checked his internet history on his phone on numerous occasions now and it's always shown up escort websites, especially adult work. He looks when he gets an opportunity, immediately it give me a red flag, I started to panic and stress and really upset myself, could he be doing this to me , a year has passed in still with him I want evidence n proof, I confronted him months ago n left for a week , he swore or my life n his children's lives that he does not see escorts n he doesn't pay to have sex with any women, 'he doesn't need to' are his words. Stupidly I got back with him but I'm clever I check his bank n wait for the money to come out , then the lies as to why he is late, one evening when he got the money out n had been elsewhere I got dressed up hoping to b intimate but he pushed me away so that was obvious, the iPhone has recent locations on it so iv checked that one of the places that crops up is only 5 minutes drive from home n the other is an escort agency, the time spent there n the money he gets out link up, it's obvious, he is very deceitful makes up all sorts of excuses for the reason behind his lateness n money! I don't know what to do or where to go from here! ��

Reginafalangie Fri 07-Aug-15 15:02:08

Find your nearest set of hills and run for them.

You should have finished with him when you found out he was spending hours per day looking at porn!

This man has no respect for women and even less for you. It isn't a court of law, you don't need any more evidence just end the relationship.
I don't know why people swear on their child's lives and why people believe that, it's not like a curse people won't suddenly drop dead if you say it and lied about it hmm

HirplesWithHaggis Fri 07-Aug-15 15:04:32

You have your evidence, your proof. You know what to do next, end the relationship.

Look at the practicalities now.

You mention "his" children, are they yours too?

Do you rent or own your home? Whose name is on the lease/mortgage/deeds?

Do you both work?

Littlemissgrace Fri 07-Aug-15 15:04:56

I'm in a situation where I can't leave, I have no where to go I don't have anyone that can take me in long term, my dad would however I have no transport to get to work n my dads to work is half hour drive, I'm on an 8 hour contract so my hours are different every week, I have a little dog who I adore n don't want to have to give up and there is no way on my wages can i afford to rent off the council x

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 07-Aug-15 15:05:04

You know really what you should do.

So you've already left him once and have subsequently gone back to him. This time you need to leave and stay away from this individual for good. Do not police his actions any longer nor waste any more of your life on him; he is taking you for a complete mug here.

I would also suggest you subsequently work on rebuilding your own self esteem and worth through counselling because men like him give those a good hammering.

Littlemissgrace Fri 07-Aug-15 15:06:32

There his children we have none together, the house we live in is rented, in both names, although the phone is my proof part of me still thinks could he really be doing this to me! Like it seems so bizarre x

rouxlebandit Fri 07-Aug-15 15:06:47

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's obvious to me that he's not doing a very good job of hiding his 'hobby'. It's almost as if he wants you to find out. A lot of punters have a secret punting phone. I never thought I'd be saying this but it's well past time to LTB.

Littlemissgrace Fri 07-Aug-15 15:09:50

The prostitutes is only half of it he isn't even nice to me anymore there used to be romance and kind thoughts nothing no more, he says he loves me he thinks the world of me, he still wants sex with me n it makes me feel sick, I do it to b normal so he doesn't think there is anything up but I'm at a point n I can't just leave with no money behind me no transport or nothing like that, he kicked me out last time n was nasty I can't risk it this time because I have no where x

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 07-Aug-15 15:09:59

You can leave this individual unless you want to spend the next decade in utter misery as you are now. You are putting obstacles that are not entirely insurmountable in your way to sabotage your exit; you do have somewhere to go i.e. your dad's. Can your dad care for your dog?. Can you not improve your job situation?.

You and your so called partner need to be apart - its as simple as that.

Is the 30 minute drive a problem because you cannot drive.

Reginafalangie Fri 07-Aug-15 15:11:12

Sorry OP don't want to sound harsh but you need to start looking for a job with more hours. Look in the local area for room shares, they are much cheaper than renting a flat. You have 2 choices 1) STart making plans to leave and do so 2) decide leaving is too much like hard work, stay and put up with it.

You have few commitments and I can see no reason why you would stay in this relationship.

Littlemissgrace Fri 07-Aug-15 15:12:03

Yes I was thinking he has a punting phone because nothing on his phone clean as a whistle, he has had the escort pages hidden in the boot of his car before , where the spare wheel goes, he ain't clever at all. X

daisyJ123 Fri 07-Aug-15 15:12:15

Where did you go the last time you left him, love? Can you go back there?
He sounds like a total bastard & it sounds like he's not going to change his ways.

Jan45 Fri 07-Aug-15 15:12:54

If you are going to come up with excuses why you cant leave him and effectively do nothing about this then why bother posting, not one person is going to advise you to work through this.

He's been cheating on you since day 1, putting you at risk, lying and doing, in my opinion, the worst injustice to women in general.

What else is there to say?

Jan45 Fri 07-Aug-15 15:14:10

No he aint clever but you aint either cos you are wasting your life on a cxxxt of a man and playing detective and enjoying finding out more and more, really, do you not want a better life than that?

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 07-Aug-15 15:15:08

I do not wish to upset you further but I would look into having a STD check.

Where do your earnings from your job go; initially to a bank account in your sole name?.

This man likes having you around simply because he has someone then to look after him and cook for him. He thinks you can be simply bought off by words saying he loves you and thinks the world of you; he really thinks that little of you.

Littlemissgrace Fri 07-Aug-15 15:15:39

I am looking for another work or more secure hours haven't been successful yet, my dads is only an issue because I don't have a car I can drive, I don't have money for a car that's the problem, I have money for nothing my spare money goes on bills, he is very fussy about what job I do, when I was unemployed I was offered a waitress job in a bar but he told me no because I would b me surrounded by men and they wud b chatting me up!

Cabrinha Fri 07-Aug-15 15:16:25

You're going to carry on having sex with a man who uses prostitutes because of your DOG???

Look, I know it's hard to believe it's true, even when you have the proof. I know it, because I've been there. I'm now divorced, thank fuck. At least when I had my suspicions I stopped sleeping with him! How can you let him touch you? Don't you care about your health?

You don't have to do this. Just go. If the job is only 8 hours, is it a big deal to give it up? Go to your dad's. Take the dog if you can but FFS don't stay because of the dog! There is a charity that will try to temporarily home pets of those leaving abusive relationships - which yours is. Look into that?

Cabrinha Fri 07-Aug-15 15:17:55

So you'll find a job much quicker without that prostitute fucking tosser telling you where you can and can't work, won't you?

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 07-Aug-15 15:19:31

"he is very fussy about what job I do, when I was unemployed I was offered a waitress job in a bar but he told me no because I would b me surrounded by men and they wud b chatting me up"

So you listened to him and believed him that time as well?.

Who gives a fig what he thinks; he cares not a jot for you and sees you as a complete idiot that can be easily manipulated and used by him.

He is controlling you as well. You do realise that such behaviour from him as seen above was and is abusive in nature.

Reginafalangie Fri 07-Aug-15 15:19:35

OP you are not going to change this man and your relationship will not change.

Only you can change your circumstances so you need to start now.

Give up your job.
Move in with you dad.
Look for work and housing local to your dad.
Leave this arsehole behind you.

Findtheoldme Fri 07-Aug-15 15:20:19

If you leave him you can do what job you want.

This is a real put up and shut up situation if you aren't going to leave. There will be no end of support for you to actually make it happen if you do want to do the clever grown up thing.

rouxlebandit Fri 07-Aug-15 15:20:35

What do you mean you have sex with him to be normal? He either has sex with you or not at all - simples. But you have solid evidence that he's getting it elsewhere so deny him any sexual contact with you. You have your own sexual health to consider.

Jan45 Fri 07-Aug-15 15:20:38

You have no ties with this creep, you can rent a room in a shared flat including bills relatively cheaply. Or, stay and wait for a nasty horrible disease, he'll end up kicking you out anyway in time, why on earth are you even having to ask what you should do.

Could a mate not out you up just now?

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 07-Aug-15 15:20:39

What did you learn about relationships when growing up?.

Littlemissgrace Fri 07-Aug-15 15:20:40

I went to my sisters last time however her boyfriends children have now moved in so that's not an option no more, jan45 , honestly love I ain't making excuses I don't want to just get up and go and know I have no where to go n worry about can I afford to live somewhere how am I getting to work everyday, I don't want to stitch myself up and end up making a mistake so I'm a lost point n no where to turn, I have a sole bank account yes, of course I want a better life than this but work is important I can't risk losing my job because I can't get there n finding someone that can take me in I need to make sure I'm ok wen I leave x

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