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Am I unreasonable or hormonal?

(5 Posts)
dottiemad Fri 07-Aug-15 10:15:43

Where do I start...

I am 6 months pregnant (my first OH 4th).

I work and my partner is self employed working from home. We live on a family farm in our own house and his parents next door.

My partners business is ticking along but not as busy as we would like. He has suffered with demotivation because of this. I know that he doesnt really 'start' work until after he's been over to his mums for coffee at around half 10.

I had to question yesterday what he had been doing all day as when I get home from work I pack up any dispatches that need sending. This is the first time I have questioned him even though there have been many an occasion where very little 'work' seems to have been done. The reason it got too much last night was because I decided I would go and finish off some decorating and he just slept on the sofa (its was about 5:30pm. I was painting and could here the dog crying to be let out and he didn't go.

The reason he gave was that he didn't sleep very well the night before and was just chilling all day.

We have SO much that needs to be done to our (rented from his family) house. The bay's nursery is currently his workshop so that needs to be moved downstairs. The area downstairs needs to be cleared. We need to build a porch/conservatory (which he will build) before the baby arrives so we have a room for the dogs to be 'away' from the baby.

We argued about this about 3 weeks ago when it all got on top of me then and I was accused of criticizing him and nagging, the same last night, although one comment was that the more he gets nagged (this is the first time I have brought it up in 3 weeks) the less likely it is to get done or it won't change his idea of when it will get done (apparently before the baby arrives). I thought that as he now knew how much it was bothering me he may try and get it done sooner.... now another argument (tried to talk) and I am making him feel critisised again.

The past weeks since we have argued have been quite tense but 2 nights ago he did food whilst I did the decorating and we had a lovely intimate evening, I thought things had gone back to 'normal' and now this again.

I have been feeling very low lately, with body changing and less intimacy between us as he feels strange about sex or we would hurt the baby. So now I feel like I am a nagging partner who cannot fulfill my other half's needs. I am constantly tearful and emotional. I don't know what reply I am expecting here but maybe someone can tell me if I am being unreasonable/hormonal?

ilovelamp82 Fri 07-Aug-15 10:58:19

I don't think you sound unreasonable. I despise the word nagging though as it seems to only apply to women.

I think I would sit down with him in a calm moment and say to him that you are sorry if he feels that you are critisising him, that is not your intention. Tell him that the fact of the matter is that you are 6 months pregnant and there are a list of things to be done. Tell him that you want to be a partnership and it brings you no pleasure having to remind him of things. Make a list of things that need done and ask him to give you a timeframe of when he can do the things that need to be done and agree that you won't mention it because you trust him to do it.

You are well within your rights to be annoyed and are definitely not being unreasonable. That being said, hormones probably are at play in that when I was pregnant I had lists of things I wanted done and just wanted them done immediately. You are nesting so probably have a bigged sense of urgency than him. But it doesn't sound like he's trying at all rather than not up to your speed or standard.

Good luck OP and congratulations

hellsbellsmelons Fri 07-Aug-15 11:04:38

OMG - he's a lazy fucking arse.
Keep 'nagging' him until he pulls his finger out.
I'm so annoyed on your behalf.
You are 6 months pregnant, working full time, helping with his business and decorating and he's lying on the couch!!
Sorry OP but fuck that for a game of soldiers.
I'd be telling him I'm moving to my mums/friends house and once he's done what he is supposed to do you will move back in.
Stop pussy footing around him. He seriously sounds like a total knobhead!

hellsbellsmelons Fri 07-Aug-15 11:05:34

And who gives a shiny shiet if you are hormonal. You are allowed to be.
But you are definitely NOT being unreasonable.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 07-Aug-15 11:06:03

That's SHITE by the way confused

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