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Humility the forgotten quality in men

(22 Posts)
jezestbelle Fri 07-Aug-15 00:53:00

I heard a presentation at work recently which made me think linked to some truly awful posts on another thread by a horrid man who thinks catcalling is great. So at my work we regularly get presented to on various subjects. Sorry to generalise the women are almost always concise organised and get the point across, the male presenters more often self absorbed and over blown. So perhaps those men and the men who think calling at women in the street is harmless fun and those who cannot take no for an answer should take note of the attractive professional and personal nature of humility. A guy youngish clearly intelligent gave a presentation about Japan where he had worked for 2 years to our department. It went down really well mainly because he started by saying he was sure many of us knew as much or more about it than him, asked for feedback throughout and actually engaged his audience. Result he was very much warmed to, actually the presentation was great too but it was his human warmth and humility which won us over. Tbh I am fairly sure it made him more attractive to women too. It is pretty rare in my industry and city to encounter this kind of male mindset, like I said someone who has spent their evening posting nonsense on here about women should like catcalling may just want to take note.

ShortandSweeter Fri 07-Aug-15 09:03:54

Are you saying that men and women are fundamentally different in that men have less humility?

UncertainSmile Fri 07-Aug-15 09:12:58

Poster counters sexist posts with a sexist post hmm

VulcanWoman Fri 07-Aug-15 09:21:56

What a nice refreshing change that must of been. It's a shame the ego has to overpower so many things with Men and Women. Maybe you could send him an email if that's possible, that might be his true vocation, we need more inspirational speakers.

Vatersay Fri 07-Aug-15 09:28:04

I think you are generalising rather and perhaps mixing two things together.

I've seen plenty of rambling, disorganised female presenters and I've also met plenty of women with oversized egos.

I don't think men who catcall in the street have over blown egos, I think they are insecure individuals trying to make themselves less intimidated by women by engaging in a tribal activity with a group of similarly pathetic coworkers/friends.

besttalk Fri 07-Aug-15 09:52:25

My former CEO was a woman, worst public speaker I've ever seen. Her ego filled the entire room......

jezestbelle Fri 07-Aug-15 10:38:13

I am sorry if the post came across as sexist. I too have had utterly understated competent and organised male colleagues and female ones who could also do with learning about humility. I was simply trying to highlight what I think is a human quality much underrated by all especially in the modern workplace. I feel most for male colleagues whom I know to be decent self effacing people who feel the need to be something they are not, and women who are likewise imprisoned by gender expectations. I think in terms of public speaking empathy with your audience and a genuine passion for your subject are keys and this person demonstrated both. I was very upset with the sexist postings of a man yesterday about street harassment and I am deeply sorry if I have responded to like with like.

Vatersay Fri 07-Aug-15 12:56:08

I'm trying to think if I know anyone who could be described as humble and I'm not sure I do.

Can you explain why you think humility would be an advantage in an office?

Keepithidden Fri 07-Aug-15 13:25:55

Humility and being humble I generally see as an appreciation of ones own shortcomings, be that in knowledge, skills or behaviour. Acceptance and appreciation that others may have what you lack is very useful in making in a success in life (not just the workplace). If it is reciprocated, and others can see what you can offer, that they can't then so much the better.

I guess it's a part of the way society is today that means cooperation is seen as almost a weakness, whereas competition is a strength to be encouraged.

All IMHO of course!wink

Vatersay Fri 07-Aug-15 13:33:36

The Oxford Dictionary definition is 'having a modest or low view of one's own importance'

Keepithidden Fri 07-Aug-15 13:41:40

Well there you go! That's appreciation of your own failings and putting them lower down in importance compared to others. For example, of the top of my head, I'm rubbish at statistics, I have a low view of my importance as a statistician. Doesn't mean I'm rubbish at everything else though, and vice versa for all the stats-monkeys out there for that matter.

jezestbelle Fri 07-Aug-15 13:45:32

Humility does not mean incompetence. The most inspiring bosses, speakers etc yes are competent but draw others to themselves and crucially allow others around them to see that they are valued for their complementary skills, plus that they are not required to be perfect only willing and competent. If people in a working environment pretend they are utterly perfect all the time and belittle others for shortcomings I fail to see how that is constructive tbh.

WhySoAngry Fri 07-Aug-15 14:06:00

The Oxford Dictionary definition is 'having a modest or low view of one's own importance'

Wouldn't that also be a definition of lack of self-esteem?

Miggsie Fri 07-Aug-15 14:08:08

Lack of self esteem is having no opinion of yourself in all circumstances.
Humility is recognizing that you are not the most important person in all situations and being considerate for others

pocketsaviour Fri 07-Aug-15 14:20:41

I think certainly that women are generally expected to show humility whereas men are not. However I do think that balance is changing in recent years.

Certainly we can all come up with examples of a man throwing down a report on a desk and barking "Doesn't make sense!" whereas a woman might say "Sorry, perhaps I'm misunderstanding, but I don't quite see what this part means..."

There are certainly arrogant women and humble men out there, but the percentages are definitely not equal.

VulcanWoman Fri 07-Aug-15 14:22:01

If you're confident in yourself you have no need to blow your own trumpet or belittle others.

WixingMords Fri 07-Aug-15 14:29:57

Humility is the quality of not thinking you are better than others, rather than having a low opinion of your own importance (said, paradoxically, disagreeing with a dictionary!)

Vatersay Fri 07-Aug-15 14:43:14

jezest thankfully I have never worked in an environment where perfect was required and it was acceptable to belittle others.

I'm sorry that you have.

pallasathena Fri 07-Aug-15 20:18:25

Humility is a quality that advanced thinkers have in spades.

It has nothing to do with lacking confidence. It has everything to do with being fully present in the world.

VulcanWoman Fri 07-Aug-15 20:36:15

Pall, I agree.

DrMorbius Fri 07-Aug-15 20:51:56

I assume you are male OP, because your posts are hardly concise or organised. However they do seem sexist, self absorbed and over blown.

ShortandSweeter Mon 10-Aug-15 12:04:52

There are certainly arrogant women and humble men out there, but the percentages are definitely not equal.

Sexist much.

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