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I wanted to separate now I'm having second thoughts

(13 Posts)
JustFigureItOut Thu 06-Aug-15 19:19:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

loveyoutothemoon Thu 06-Aug-15 19:37:14

If you're not in love with him and he's been a shit, and also still has alcohol issues that he's not going to resolve then you're doing the best thing.

InTheBox Thu 06-Aug-15 19:41:35

You do need time apart.

Do you have dcs? And have you previously tried couples counselling?

Once a certain point is reached, I've often thought there's no going back only going forward. Continuing on the road you're on will undoubtedly lead to resentment and many what-ifs.

What do you exactly want to come out of this? Can you see yourself still with him if he wants to work on it with you? Or have you decided it's finished and you want out?

JustFigureItOut Thu 06-Aug-15 19:42:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustFigureItOut Thu 06-Aug-15 19:52:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrousersRoastingOnAnOpenFire Thu 06-Aug-15 20:00:55

I think second thoughts are perfectly natural on the cusp of a large change. I longed for a separation for years, but on the day it actually happened I had a strong urge to call the whole thing off.

It was more about not wanting to face up to the whole sorry mess, rather than wanting to try again.

I'm so glad that I didn't, nearly a year later. Hang in there.

TrousersRoastingOnAnOpenFire Thu 06-Aug-15 20:01:49

(So glad I didn't call the separation off, and went through with it, I mean!)

InTheBox Thu 06-Aug-15 20:07:27

Staying in an unhappy relationship for the sake of children often has a negative result. Better to have 2 separate parents than a 'keeping-up-appearances' style relationship.

In your OP you wrote:

I can't be like this in 5 years looking back thinking i should have changed it

And in your subsequent post you wrote:

Although I look back now with regret about what I could have done/been if I only had the courage to make a change years ago

You seem to know and feel what you want to do but lack the courage of your convictions.

It seems it's time to get your ducks in a row. Time to start thinking practically about the future, r.e. finances, dcs, work, your mentality.

UnsolvedMystery Thu 06-Aug-15 20:10:03

You can feel sad about it but still know it's the right thing to do.
I was very sad to walk away from my ex because it meant my marriage had failed, but he was abusive and I was miserable so knew I had to do it. - Best move I could have made

JustFigureItOut Thu 06-Aug-15 22:25:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrousersRoastingOnAnOpenFire Fri 07-Aug-15 00:18:50

Something else that helped me, was to give myself just 2 or 3 things to achieve each day in the week we actually separated. So all those thankless jobs like notifying tax credits, banks & utilities, schools, etc. Pacing yourself helps a great deal.

You can do it OP x

JustFigureItOut Fri 07-Aug-15 09:31:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrousersRoastingOnAnOpenFire Fri 07-Aug-15 10:13:13

Just hold your courage and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Plan some nice things too; good meal, nature walk, hot bath. Show yourself that this is ultimately a move towards something better.

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