I know. Told you so scenario

[KatieMaddocks]

Hi all,

just as an update if you are interested at all. I never responded to this chauvinistic pig we discussed last time I created a thread, he begged me to call, left messages etc. I knew I'd regret it but wanted 110% certainty and got in touch. We talked about the things that were wrong in the relationship, he convinced me he'd change and wanted things to be 'back to normal'. We went out for a lovely dinner, his idea/treat.

Three days later he again did not want to meet mid-week, the same behaviour and attitude. I asked him if there was a problem. He said he is 'busy', 'work meeting early on Friday', that he 'wants top relax at home by himself'....anyway, argued over this and I told him everything I think about him not respecting women, being a chauvinistic pig, selfishness, etc.

He wished me 'good luck in future' and said I was 'restricting his freedom' apparently.

Very upset, as all I wanted was to meet more than once a week and he said he wanted it too?!!!!?? confused. I can only think he multidates and has 'another offer' tonight which he doesn't want to turn down.

I know you will say 'told you so' and that I should have never replied to him post leaving him 3 weeks ago, I was weak in my decision...

words of kindness and encouragement is all I am after. I really wanted to make sure I did not make the wrong choice so gave him a chance. How wrong was I.;-(((

[Jan45]

He isn't worthy of your loveliness, move on, someone will appreciate you.

[iknowimcoming]

Didn't see your previous thread, sorry you've been let down again. Clearly you'll be better off without him. I've a friend in a very similar situation with a man (has been going on for four years) and it's clear he will never change, she knows she's kidding herself but isn't ready to end it yet, very sad. Well done for kicking him into touch

[KatieMaddocks]

I asked for the thread to be deleted. Many people commented, feeling sad I did not follow through with advice given and was not 100% strong.

I feel sad. Very sad. Sitting at work and struggling with emotions. Help me not to cry please.

We normally meet Wednesdays and he again let me down saying 'he is busy' on a day which is not our 'scheduled meet up time'. I told him I feel like he has me at an arm's length all the time and has other priorities and that I don't feel we/I come first.

So, he wished me all the best...Wow. So easy to leave and no regrets. And only yesterday told me he loves me and struggles to lvie without seeing me.

I feel let down, very hurt and confused.

[Happytuesdays99]

I always find its the ones that do this that hurt more because you can't understand why so you go looking for answers and get hurt again.

[KatieMaddocks]

Can you please say something that will make me feel better. I feel completely down.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Don't be confused - he's a twat - simples!
You will never understand him so don't even try.
Sorry he let you down when you tried to give him another chance.
But you need to forget him now and move on (easier said than done)
Get back out there. Keep busy. Go out. Gym etc....
Block block and block some more. Ignore his totally now.
You will be fine.
This bit is horrid but you will move on.

[Bleakhouse1879]

He's clearly not worth your time. No-one can tell you 'told you so'. You are the only one who knows all the details about this and if you had a niggling doubt in your mind you were right to find out for sure. If I were in your position now, I'd never contact him, I'd feel like I was boasting his ego every time I contacted him.

"restricting his freedom" An unbelievably arrogant thing to say to anyone let alone a lady he is supposed to fancy.

onwards and upwards

[KatieMaddocks]

I deleted his number and blocked him 3 weeks ago based on advice from people on this forum. It felt the right thing to do. He took it as 'ghosting' however I had told him about issues I had with his behaviour (swearing at waiters/anger/lack of interest) before that he never listened to.

he then emailed me - I cannot block him on gmail - and we met the Sunday and had gone for dinner as I had minor doubts in my mind and felt a little lost having left things not totally finished.

Argued today via texts as he told me he doesn't want to go out tonight, told me I 'restrict his freedom' by asking to meet (WTF?!!) and that I should 'get a dog with a collar' as he values his freedom above all.

He then told me that he needs to know if I am coming to a races event this Sunday as his friends are asking and need a confirmation. I answered saying why would he want me to even come to the races if he thinks I am 'restricting his freedom' and have 'no life because I don't go out 5 times a week with mates'. I said I would not come and he is free to enjoy his 'freedom' and he does need to account for anything to me.

I was very hurt. As he was the one who said he'd like to settle down and that he loves being at home together cuddling/watching TV more than anything. All a lie. Probably has another babe on the go.

Also, he was the one prohibiting me to go on holiday with my male friend of 15 years from Ireland!!! He said that a GF in a relationship should not do it as it is weird in his view. Then proceed to tell me I 'have no life'....

Very confused. Double standards???

[Jan45]

He's abusive arsehole OP, nothing to be confused about, you've had a lucky escape, I remember your threads now, he's bloody awful, if not psychotic.

[KatieMaddocks]

Sorry if my grammar/style does not make any sense. I feel very upset by everything;-( And like I have let down the advice of my mum, friend and others who will now tell me 'told you so'. I am so stupid.

[FredaMayor]

OP, do you think this person might have wanted you to be his mistress? His behaviour suggests it.

[KatieMaddocks]

Jan, I know I am stupid and paid my price again. He told me he couldn't bear living without me and even went to talk to his private work coach about losing me during the past two-three weeks.

I feel sooo stupid!!!

I am probably lucky I did not go to the races in Windsor to meet his friends as he may have been showing off a girl he has on his arm as a candy. It would have been worse. He already asked me to wear a dress he 'really loves on me' which would look perfect. Somebody on the forum said he is going to show off a p&ssy and parade a new babe in front of the crowd.

Very sad about my stupidity.

[RaptorInaPorkPieHat]

But you're out of it now aren't you OP. Anyone who loves you (mum/friends/others) will probably just breathe a sigh of relief and be happy you got there in the end.

[FenellaFellorick]

Painful as it is right now, it's probably for the best.

Now all doubts have been removed. He is the total arse you were hesitating to label him as.

So now you won't give him that third, or forth, or fifth chance and really bugger up your life.

You get to take control.

Anyone who tells you "I told you so" is an unsympathetic dick. There's no need to kick someone when they're down.

[Joysmum]

It's always made me a bit when people comment about relationships restricting your freedom.

I can't see how time with your partner and respecting them can be seen as restricting freedom, you'll want to treat somebody you love the right way and spend time with them. Choosing this means that you're not being restricted. If anyone sees their relationship as limiting then clearly it's not right.

[Cabrinha]

You sound like an accessory, and he sounds like an arsehole.
If you want to feel better:

1. Don't beat yourself up about going back. It's done. It's like a sneaky cigarette after you've given up - why let that ruin your efforts? Forget about it.
   

1. The "I Told You So" - stop caring what other people think. Own your choices. And anyway, who needs to know you met (slept?) with him again? Your business. If they don't know, they can't say it. If they do know and say it, fake it til you make it " live and learn "
   

1. Look back at the negative things you've said about him and be pleased he's out of your life now

[KatieMaddocks]

Joysmum - I feel the same way. and we only meet once or twice a week. why would he say his freedom is restricted? I never objected to friends, drinks, hobbies or gym. Plus, always thought if you love them, you do things together, make each part of each other's life. anyway, this was another bad sign for me. and especially, after he said how much he missed me and wanted me close to him whilst clearly keeping at an arm's length!

I am a person who enjoys my own company. Who values independence and likes solitude. But also likes to be together at least sometimes!! Twice a week did not seem that much.

[KatieMaddocks]

Cabrinha - well, he knows I caved!!! And now sent me a stupid msg saying he enjoyed time with me and thought I was great and he hopes I wish him good luck in life after we split up (what the hell?!!)

I know it doesn't matter.

[Ahemily]

Actually, this is a positive thing - if you hadn't checked, you may have wondered, and what would life be like if you were forever looking over your shoulder? This way, you know for sure. Onwards and upwards.

[KatieMaddocks]

I know. So why do I feel worse now than before?

Also, do you think it is good I did not go to the event with his football friends this weekend?

[Cabrinha]

Fuck what he knows.
Seriously - be the woman who gave zero fucks.
He doesn't matter.

[Jan45]

Katie, he says hurtful things to you because he wants to, because he's basically just one of life's horrible people.

[Ahemily]

It feels worse for you right now because you're beating yourself up for giving him another chance. You're not "stupid", you're caring. You will come out of this so much stronger. Shoulders back, OP. You can do it.

[Cabrinha]

You also need to not care what we think about you not going to the event this weekend.
Make your decision, own it.

But FWIW... friendship is not going to work when there are still emotions. And from what you say about him - who'd want to be friends?! So no, I don't think you should have gone, so it's the right decision.

Just drop him. It's quite simple - on concept, though I get the emotions make it hard! He doesn't want to be with you. You don't even like him.

Drop him. Completely.

[KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable]

You are still analysing his behaviour as if the words that left his mouth must have always been the truth.

He's one of those blokes who says what the little lady wants to hear so he can get what he wants. He has no respect for women. No respect for you.

Clearly he didn't actually like you, if he did he would spend time with you. He likes your body though. Shame it comes with a thinking mind. Little problem for him because he knows what to say to make a woman comply, tedious though he finds it.

He will say anything to keep you around just enough to show off to his mates and to get into your knickers.

Analyse why you didn't spot it sooner, not why he did it.