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Potentially a new relationship? Long distance

5 replies

Applecrumbling · 06/08/2015 09:07

ok so, this has happened unexpectedly. I got out of an EA relationship in December. (We know how difficult that is) after 4 years on/off. Horrible but I took positive steps following it, took up a hobby and this hobby brought me to meeting the new man. Prior to the relationship which finished in are December I was married for 13 years. So all steps to moving on.
I wasn't looking and was just getting to a good place, content in myself and building up confidence.
So, the new man has lots of potential. He is considerate and hasn't gone wrong so far. We live 3.5 hours apart and have both made the journey. We have now met 5 times since May. Also messaged and spoken in the phone.
It gets tricky. He is newly separated. I'm worried he is in the right place whereas I'm now heading towards the place where I feel ready to commit. Do I go with it ? It's difficult with the distance. Or do I not go there? I like him and I think if we were close distance wise it would have developed, but perhaps due to his situation its a good thing? He said his situation slows us down enough to be sensible and think through things. Me late 30s, him early 40's.... What would you do?

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mrsdavidbowie · 06/08/2015 09:11

I am in a very similar position.
I would say its too early to commit.
Enjoy what you have but give it more time.

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Applecrumbling · 06/08/2015 09:20

Thanks. Is yours long distance too? You are right, I'm getting a bit 'lost' in it. Need to relax

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mrsdavidbowie · 06/08/2015 13:12

Yes he's 200 miles away. See each other every 6 weeks for a couple of days and he visits for the day in between.
We talk every day....feel I've known him for years!
But it suits me...I wasn't looking at all.
My dcsknow ( they are teens) and are fine...they can see how happy I am.
Enjoy x

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TheScreamingfrog · 06/08/2015 16:05

I too am in a similar position and seeing someone two hundred miles away. In some ways its good for me as it prevents me getting too caught up in things too early though we did book a long weekend together after we had only 2 dates. We had another 2 dates before we went and thankfully it was a roaring success.

Do you have children to consider? I have a DD so at the moment it is always planned around her contact time with her dad but fortunately he is in a position to be flexible about coming to visit me.

We have discussed the possibility of a future together and actually, that tells me there could be one as he is one of the first people I have met that I feel comfortable enough to do that with. I think you just play it by ear and see what happens. I found that the break with him was really useful to get to know each other and establish whether to accelerate or brake if you like.

For me, the future is the scariest part as one of us would have to make real life changing decisions.

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Applecrumbling · 06/08/2015 20:47

Thanks for your replies. Yes we are 200 miles away too. We are doing the same thescrewmingfrog. Weekend booked in 2 weeks. We have slept together on all occasions we have met (5).. I am apprehensive about the weekend together. Were you? How did you deal with it? I'm also worried what to trust but I guess he is the same?
We both have 1 child, his 4, mine 7. We message a lot but don't talk too much. He is separated from his wife, mutual agreement is buying her out but because of circumstances are still in the same house. I have to say this concerns me. He has said he is falling for me and wants a future and the situation and distance give us thinking space.
How long have you been in the relationship for now?
Yes ditto about life changing decisions