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Working on yourself and being happy and more confident

(11 Posts)
AvrilIncandenza Wed 05-Aug-15 22:38:37

My boyfriend of three years and I split up yesterday; it was for the best and I'm not feeling too bad about it but It's prompted me to have a look at my life and how it's going and I'm thinking I need to make some changes. I'm 31 and would ideally like to have a family in the future but I'm not looking to meet someone new straight away. I'm quite an anxious person, prone to depression and have never been very confident, I've had lots of counseling over an extended period and have tried various medications, mindfulness, yoga etc. but I wondered if anyone had any advice for being happy and more confident beyond the things I've thought of like eating well, exercise, spending time with people you care for and doing things you enjoy that I'm hoping to concentrate on.

Jenna333 Wed 05-Aug-15 22:40:36

I have literally just had an evening of similar thoughts and have downloaded a book caked something like 21 days to happiness.

Jenna333 Wed 05-Aug-15 22:40:53


Secondtimesally Wed 05-Aug-15 22:42:36

Have you read Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life? Excellent book to put you back in the driving seat of your own life, emotions etc.
3 years is a long time to put into a relationship that doesn't work out for the long term though. Make sure to give yourself some time to grieve for it - and for what you hoped it could have been (marriage, kids etc).

AvrilIncandenza Wed 05-Aug-15 22:48:31

I've not read either of those books but I will look them up now. Thank you for the kind words too smile

Baileythebayhorse Wed 05-Aug-15 23:54:01

Hi Avril. I find mindful meditation really helps me manage my anxiety. I try and meditate at least once a day and it has transformed the way I think about myself. I also keep a journal and list what has been making me anxious on any particular day. It gives me some perspective and I can reassure myself that everything passes eventually. I can look back to what was making me anxious weeks ago, and realise that those things are no longer causing me anxiety. It's important to spend time getting to know yourself as well as spending time with others post break up.

AvrilIncandenza Thu 06-Aug-15 19:40:39

Thank you Baileythebayhorse I didn't have much success with the mindfulness meditation but I'm going to give it another go, I have some books with CDs and the 'Headspace' app. That's a great idea about keeping a list of what you are worried about so you can see it has passed, thank you.

Ephelant Thu 06-Aug-15 20:25:47

I'm going to read through all the responses on here as you sound so much like me and I am also on this path of trying to feel more positive about myself.
I have the Louise L Hay book and second the recommend. There's loads about the mind body connection and how we create our reality iykwim which isn't for everyone, but I love it. The affirmations are amazing and one of the few things that makes me feel at peace in the midst of all the worries of life. The central message is really about loving yourself.
If you can afford to, I would also highly recommend hypnotherapy - you can buy cds which are useful, Paul McKenna et Al but an individual session is better.
There are some free apps by a company called Excel at Life, they have guided meditations, a virtual worry box and other things.
Maybe look at your diet. I've been prone to eating massive amounts of junk and atm I'm really transforming that using the Deliciously Ella book. Not all her recipes completely work as she can go a bit crazy with quantities but I'm still getting loads of good stuff from it and my skin is looking amazing, so that's a start! I do think what you eat, and generally the care and love you show your body has a big impact on how you feel.
CBT is another really helpful thing, I've never tried it but heard good things

AvrilIncandenza Fri 07-Aug-15 21:16:40

Thank you Ephelant I have ordered the book and will have a look at the apps you recommended. I did try hypnotherapy and it wasn't really what I expected, I might have another look to see if I can find an alternative provider. I've been thinking that I need to look at my diet and do more exercise but I never have much energy because my diet is bad and I'm not very active! I think the counseling I'm having is CBT and I've been using the SAM app to help with anxiety which is quite good.

AWayToGo Fri 07-Aug-15 21:36:39

What has helped me over the past couple of years is to join lots of groups and activities. I'm a fairly shy person and being with groups of people does not come naturally to me be it has changed my life. Now I have a social life and friends and lots to do and feel so much better about myself and life in general.

I joined fundraising things in my local community; sporty things; musical things; meetup groups (best thing); and did some voluntary work. One thing leads to another and as you get involved people invite you to things outside the group. Give it a go.

Ephelant Sat 08-Aug-15 12:28:40

What kind of meet-up groups did you go to Awaytogo? I would like to do something like that but I am also very shy, my worst nightmare is sitting there with nothing to say while other people chat away and I can't join the conversation blush

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