For years I have been married to a man I met when I was 16 (I am 42 now). I thought the relationship was how a relationship was meant to be, however when we moved area to be closer to his job certain circumstances changed and I realised I was not and have not been happy for a long time.
My DH has a short temper and very little patience, he is not physically violent towards me or the kids but I never know when he is going to snap and shout. There are no warning signs and he will explode at insignificant things. I have always tried to calm things down and I scurry around trying to make whatever has gone wrong right. My 10 yr old daughter has told me she is scared of him.
He shows no interest in my opinions or my interests and he doesn't like my friends. I have lost a few friends in the past because he did not like them and it was too awkward an atmosphere to invite them round and I always felt guilty going out. Even worse, he has no time for my parents and is outwardly rude to them, although since I spoke to him he has tried a little harder to be polite.
He is not a monster and he loves his children dearly but he is very selfish in the way he acts and he doesn't think twice about losing his rag in front of the kids or the language he uses. He also behaves this way in public which is extremely embarrassing. Myself and the kids walk on egg shells and I realise I have become a very nervous timid person who has no confidence in my own opinions or judgements anymore.
I am not physically attracted to him and I dread sex with him but oft times comply rather than have him feel rejected. When I look back I can't remember a time when I did want sex with him, I can remember trying to avoid it on our honeymoon, I have always been convinced it was me but I now don't think this is the case.
I have tried to talk to him about the above (not the sex bit) a couple of times and he treats it as though it is an Excel problem that needs sorting out but nothing actually changes. He has tried to show me more attention however it feels like too little too late and the temper tantrums are still there.
I am pretty much at the conclusion that I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this and I am resigned to the fact he will never change. However I have spent my life avoiding conflict and I am terrified of the trauma leaving him will create, I am terrified of how it will affect my kids who, whilst scared of their dad obviously love him, I am terrified that I won't cope on my own and I am scared of how he will cope. Plus, just to complicate everything, we have only just brought a house and there are the commitments that run with that. Am I blowing everything out of proportion and pining for something completely unrealistic? Should I continue to accept this situation as it is not an awful life that I have the majority of the time but I want to believe life could be so much better, and relaxed!
Sorry this was so long - I've edited bits out as well!
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I would value your opinions
5 replies
RWilliams24 · 05/08/2015 22:17
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