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I've ended it

(13 Posts)
addicted2cake Wed 05-Aug-15 22:06:31

So I've just ended a relationship I was in for 4 months. It wasn't going anywhere and I realised he wasn't for me. BUT I think I've broken his heart. I feel terrible, he says he is in love with me and will always be there if I change my mind.
I know I did the right thing for me but doesn't stop me feeling bad for hurting him. I don't think he saw it coming either.

Newtobecomingamum Wed 05-Aug-15 22:17:04

Sorry to hear that you are both going through a hard time. I ended a relationship after 7 years and one piece of advice is do not give false hope. Although it's hard, do not text, reply politely of he txts you but keep it brief, do not arrange for meet ups etc. Although it sounds cruel, it's kinder in the long run. I learnt the hard way as I felt so awful and wanted to make sure he was ok I made it worse for him by texting, met up with him etc and then it led to him thinking we could get back together. You have made your decision and the best way to help him is not give false hope.
It's an awful thing you're going through but you will get through it and hopefully you will both move on to meet the right people.

FredaMayor Wed 05-Aug-15 22:17:36

If one person doesn't want to stay then there is no relationship, it has ceased. If he didn't see it coming and you feel you have hurt him was that because you have preferred another relationship? If so, the reason you feel bad could be from guilt. OTOH there's little point in staying in a relationship if it's not right for you.

addicted2cake Wed 05-Aug-15 22:22:04

Thanks for your replies. Points noted newto I won't reply to texts or arrange to meet.
There is no other relationship. He was the first guy I've seen since I seperated from my stbxh 18 months ago. It was nice while it lasted but I realised we both wanted different things. He is a nice guy just not for me. Just feel bad because I know he's hurting, he doesn't have family to support him or many friends.

Newtobecomingamum Wed 05-Aug-15 22:25:15

Do rely if 'he texts' you but be brief in your response and not too over friendly or misleading. Don't ignore him (unless he gets too much) as that's hurtful. What I meant was don't instigate communication with him. You will get through this and he will move on.

daisyJ123 Wed 05-Aug-15 22:36:22

Hi addicted
I have just ended a 6 month relationship tonight. It was horrible but you know when it's not right & you have to be true to yourself. I was crazy about him but began to feel incredibly insecure & a bit lost.
Sounds like ending it was for the best with you. Hope you're ok wink

addicted2cake Wed 05-Aug-15 22:40:57

Thanks daisy, hope your ok too. Xx

custardismyhamster Wed 05-Aug-15 22:51:13

I ended 16 month one on Monday. I feel evil

daisyJ123 Thu 06-Aug-15 07:58:29

Custard & Addicted
I ended it with him a few weeks ago & felt this huge relief. We tried again. It didn't work. I finished it again yesterday. Now I feel horrible. And questioning what I did... How are you doing?

FolkGirl Thu 06-Aug-15 08:13:07

I ended a 4 month relationship a few weeks ago.

I'd tried to do it before. He said he was "falling for" me; we had a really great connection. Blah blah.

He cried, he wanted to meet, he wanted me to take a week to reconsider, he worried he was never going to have what he had with me with anyone else blah blah...

He was back on the dating site almost immediately. It's what thy all do.

I really don't think you'll have "broken his heart". He'll get over it.

ishouldcocoa Thu 06-Aug-15 08:24:39

That reminds me of a BF I had years ago who I had to dump 4 times before he got the message. He was a lovely bloke. Too lovely for me. I felt so awful doing it, and should have not given him the chance to 'try again'... as I kept having to say 'No, this isn't working for me'.

Pour yourselves a large wine tonight and start planning your futures!

Now married to DH for nearly 20 years. Life moves on...

addicted2cake Thu 06-Aug-15 11:24:24

So it's the next day am I'm still feeling rubbish! I do know I have done the right thing though. I will miss him, he was lovely but we didn't have a future. How are you doing daisy and custard?

daisyJ123 Thu 06-Aug-15 11:42:35

Flitting between 'what have I done?' & 'this is totally right'
Another lovely guy who I will miss enormously but this on-going insecurity just ate away at me.

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