Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Hyper vigilance

(9 Posts)
wonderingsoul Wed 05-Aug-15 21:05:03

Just that really? How do you get over it? It's exhausting waiting, fighting the urge to run. Knowing he's said nothing wrong or done nothing wrong but yet waiting for them to turn?

Most the time it's okay, but all of sudden, it just hits like a ton of bricks, mainly when I'm extra happy and hopeful for the future, maybe that's the connection to it?

Does any one else suffer this, and how do you deal with it.

woowoo22 Wed 05-Aug-15 21:09:59

Are you still with him?

cozietoesie Wed 05-Aug-15 21:10:28

Have you had any reason for it?

wonderingsoul Wed 05-Aug-15 21:21:41

I am, we've been together for all most 7 months, he's a gentleman, respectfully, funny, kind.

I was in abusive relationship 7 years ago, spent that on my own till recent boyfriend.
I enjoyed the single life, it was so simple just me Nd the kids, maybe that's it to, it's new and scary.

TodayI just want to hide away and not be in the relationship even though I know it makes me happy.
Like if I could see into the future 1 or 2 years from now to see that he wasn't going to change it'd be perfect and I could relax.

woowoo22 Wed 05-Aug-15 21:25:37

Am sorry OP, I don't have any advice. I was constantly on edge when married, it was hideous and horribly stressful. Happily single now smile so no experience of your situation. Sometimes I do get a bit spooked when triggered by certain things but it isn't often.

FredaMayor Wed 05-Aug-15 21:50:01

Yes, OP, I have suffered from this. I realised in all my internal debates about trust that I did not trust my own feelings either. Seven months is a very short time and you and OH are still getting to know each other. Give yourself permission to be happy, please. Life has no guarantees.

PoundingTheStreets Wed 05-Aug-15 22:10:43

Have you had any counselling or tried any form of personal therapy (even if it's just reading everything you can lay your hands on about abusive relationships and the effect they have on your psyche)? To me, as someone who's been through it, it sounds simply as if you didn't give yourself enough time to recover before embarking on a new relationship. That's not a criticism or a suggestion you should split up with new BF, but I think you need to recognise that overcoming the mental effects of abuse can take a long time. In some way, as your sense of what is healthy returns to normal, you become more alert to every act/word that could betray an abusive personality. That's a sign you're on the mend. You have to work through it. If your DP is a good one, he'll work through it with you. Good luck. smile

wonderingsoul Wed 05-Aug-15 22:42:04

you become more alert to every act/word that could betray an abusive personality.

This is exactly how I feel, I spend ages over anayzling things he's said, even the most innocent thing I try to make it fit in a bad way if that makes sense, like if he was abusive it'd make more sense,
I'm so ready to notice something so I can dump him that waiting for it is crippling.

I have grown a lot in the 7 years I was on my own, I'm more assirtiv I have no problem saying no now, even to friends and family, i know what I want in a relationship and what I won't tolerate.
But I think because this is my first relationship b since my marriage I haven't had the oprertunity to work through the realty of a new relationship if that makes sense?

I have told him i freak out sometimes, not sure if that was a good idea or not? but his response was we can go slow as I like,, all that he wants is to be with me so we can take it at my pace and that he'd like me to talk to him when I feel like freaking out.
But I think your right, theropy may be helpful to sort my anxiety out because I really don't want to mess up something that could be good.

wonderingsoul Wed 05-Aug-15 22:43:19

And also thank you for the replys it helps to talk it out and realise that this is normal, well I knew it was normal but it helps to have it validated.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: