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dealing with someone who doesn't think before they speak

(8 Posts)
princessabbey1984 Wed 05-Aug-15 15:41:18

Hello,
I am new and not sure if this would be the right place to post this thread, please move if it's not in the right place.

My nan doesn't think before she speaks, then she finds excuses for what she has just said or tries to back track what she said by saying she could quite easily mean it x, y or z way but obviously people who know her this could be the case, however people who don't know her will take what she says at face value.
She upset me years ago because she has told friends of mine things which they didn't need to know/ I didn't want them to know and I told her this upset me dearly and my mum told her this too.

My main concern is in a couple of weeks time I have a major life event coming up and I am worried she will open her mouth without thinking and this could obviously effect my whole future.( I can't say what as this would mean explaining a little bit of my past and it's about whether I can trust her to not open her mouth and put me in it and ruin my future, not what the event is)
When we have been talking about this life event she has opened her mouth to me without thinking, saying x, y or z and I have been thinking and even told her if you say this at the time it will mess things up for my future big time.
This is when the excuses come up 'I could be meaning x, y or z, not a, b or c' but what she doesn't realise is this isn't how people at my life event will see it, they will see it as a, b or c'
Why can't she just think before she speaks and when I call her up on it, why can't she just accept what I am saying, apologise and not try and excuse what she has just said.

I'll be honest I am wondering whether I really want her there now just in case she does open her mouth and mess up my future. I have even told her straight if she opens her mouth about certain things I will never speak to her again. I have told her to keep her mouth shut and not say anything that others might take literally/ at face value

What can I do, please help.

pocketsaviour Wed 05-Aug-15 15:57:19

Uninvite her. If she's there, you've got a better than 50% chance that she'll open her mouth and say shit, plus a 100% chance that you will be worried through the whole event that she will.

Don't be fooled that she says these things by accident. She's been told over and over and she hasn't changed - it's deliberate.

princessabbey1984 Wed 05-Aug-15 16:16:22

Thanks, funny I have been strongly thinking about uninviting her, luckily I have my oh with me that day.
I know she'll be heartbroken if I do decide to tell her I no longer want her there and I would have to tell her the truth, that I don't trust her not to not say stuff.

Joysmum Wed 05-Aug-15 16:32:37

Tell her you that given her past firm you don't trust her not to keep your confidence and that as a result you're stressed about the even and no longer feel able to confide in her or seek her consul when you have things that come up. See what she says, she needs to know.

goddessofsmallthings Wed 05-Aug-15 20:04:11

Why did you invite her? Will your dm also be attending this 'major life event'?

TheFullMinty Wed 05-Aug-15 20:42:04

Without knowing more about what you're talking about I dont think anyone can offer any advice beyond what has already been said. Uninvite her. Whether you explain why or concoct a cover story is up to you.

Hellionandfriends Wed 05-Aug-15 20:51:38

It's all too cryptic for me to advise or hold an opinion

princessabbey1984 Wed 05-Aug-15 22:20:52

Not being rude but do I really need to go into specifics.The point is whether I can trust my nan to keep her mouth shut & not ruin my future, we all have things that are personal & would rather not share or be made public knowledge.She was there for me in the past when I was going through this rough time but has no reason to bring up this stuff even though through conversations we have had as I said in my original post she 'slips up' & says things without thinking & then finds excuses to what she has said & this now worries me that she'll be like this on the day.
I didn't invite persay she got told by me because she would've found out anyway & at the time I thought she would be a good support, it's only since that she has said things without thinking that has made me debate this.
Sorry being thick but what/who is dm?

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