Im a bit numb at the moment and not sure where to turn. My husband of 11 years has decided to end our relationship and move out. We have two beautiful children ages 8 and 6. We moved to Norfolk from London a year ago for his job, i had to quit mine but we decided me staying at home would be a good choice as i wanted more time with the children after missing out on so much and he encouraged this choice, it was a really big step as we had no family or friends here, i found a job working with children just 2 hours a day which helped go towards the bilss but was really just so i could keep busy. We are very happy here we bought a lovely house and our quality of life is much better than before and i thought we were happy. It became apparent a couple of months ago that he was not getting on with his boss - he hates to talk about work with me so i dont know the details, always says he needs to switch off when he gets home.
He came to me and said he had been offered a job back in london that was too good of an opportunity to turn down, it was a lot more money and he said it was only monday to friday so he could come home on the weekends, after much talk i agreed he needed to be happy in his job and if this was what he needed to do i would support it as long as he came home at the weekends.
He found a room to let and has been there for two months, hes been distant so i put this down to being away from us for a week at a time. The last month he says to make a good impression he has had to stay and work weekends which was not great but i had to be ok with this. Last week i going through our bank statements i found £50 spent on flowers, i casually mentioned this to him but he said they were for a client and i didn't make a fuss and laughed off my suspicion and joked because he never buys me flowers as he doesn't agree with money being spent on them. Hes been rushing through our phone call in the evening because he has to take out clients for dinners - i would understand this but he been going out alot and the frequency doesn't fit with the norm of his job. i realise i must be sounding like a jealous wife and i guess i was being but i didn't voice this to him just silently had the arguments in my head.
We have been happy no real arguments at all - my suspicions surfaced because he has been unfaithful before something he would never admit to but i had all the evidence, i did decided to stay with him because i loved him and wanted to try for the children.
So last friday he sends me a txt message (i know, coward after 11 years a text msg) completely out of the blue saying he just not happy anymore and wants to move out, i was numb with shock and then angry when he wouldn't answer the phone. He just sent me more messages telling me there was no point talking..i mean how am i supposed to know what i've done wrong!!! i tried to access his online banking (i do this all the time so i can transfer money to my account as all the household bills come out of my account) but he had changed the passwords. i messaged him to ask him to put the money for the bills into my account as they had already come out and i was going into my overdraft. mine and his savings stay in his (i know stupid mistake on my part but its been this way 11 years). He said he was not going to transfer money because he needed to save to find somewhere of his own to live and that i needed to seek advice on claiming benefits. im honestly at a loss, im heartbrken and im so angry now all the tears have gone, i save them for bedtime :( i have no family or good friends here and im embarrassed to call them. i guess im hoping he having some sort of mid life crisis and will change his mind and that really he has not been cheating on me.
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husband decided he wants to end relationship and move out
mummyalways · 05/08/2015 11:39
OMG!! I'm so sorry for you OP! What an absolute bastard!!! You NEED to talk to your friends and family, whether this is a midlife crisis or not, you need support!
I'm not sure he can just stop paying the bills, phone all the companies and tell them what's happening and give them his address and phone number. Do you have a mortgage? Phone them too and if you can change all the direct debits to come out of his account! What about the kids? Is he dumping them too?
I'm sorry but it does sound like there is someone else 
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Good advice here already and I don't have much to add, but I just wanted to say how angry I am on your behalf. He is a cowardly, cruel and selfish ... well, cunt really.
It especially enrages me that he is financially disadvantaging you
Well he still has to support his 2 children.
As long as you know what he earns, work it out from THIS LINK how much are entitled to. If he's on 65K then he should be paying over £110 per WEEK!!
Text him immediately and tell him to transfer said amount into your account.
It's far better if you can arrange these payments yourself rather than involve CMS as it will cost him more to do it that way.
Just let him know that.
Then get onto CAB and find out what benefits you are entitled to as a single parent.
You will need to let the council know as you get reduced council tax as a single parent.
No, this is not a midlife crisis. This is an affair and it's gonna get nasty (it already is). YOU did nothing wrong. Know that for sure. This weak, vile, piece of scrum did something wrong. NOT YOU!
Get your family and friends on side quick sharp. His too if you can.
Why the hell are YOU embarrassed to call them?
You haven't done anything wrong.
He is the one 'allegedly' having an affair and abandoning his family with no money or support.
Make sure EVERYONE you know, knows about this. Every little bit, the money etc......
Then watch him squirm.
Head OUT of the sand time mummy start taking action to get your life sorted out without this fuckwit.
Sorry by the way - many of us know exactly what you are going through.
It's horrible and you won't be able see a way out of the hellish hole you feel like you are in.
But we are all here to tell you that it does get better.
When it's had time to sink in, come back for some tea and sympathy.
But in the mean-time, get tough and get actions in place.
Please look after yourself.
Eating solids may be hard right now. I lived on orange juice ice lollies and soups for weeks and weeks. Couldn't stomach anything solid.
But keep yourself hydrated and get some sugar in your system as well. Shock is the last thing you need.
for you!! And very UnMNty (((((HUGS)))))
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